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Original poster

Please can you help me work out what this text message means?

71 replies

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 15:33

My relationship ended a couple of months ago. He was alot younger. Posted here in regards to our differences. He reached out and I have too since, only a message here and there. I struggled with the ending even though I knew it was for the best. His last message to me was 'I am not the man you fell in love with, I'm not the right fit for you but I'm there for you if you need me'. I decided to go no contact as it wasn't helping and told him I needed to stop messaging as it hurts. A couple of weeks later he messaged to say, 'I'm here for you, I don't like that you have nobody to talk to' (no close family). I told him i was struggling but thanked him and he repeated that he cares for me but he isn't the right fit for me and wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he couldn't give me what I needed. He's right and I have accepted that although it's difficult, it's for the best and I said I agreed and told him to take care. It was hard hearing from him but I thought at least its on good terms. I now need to completely accept it and move on. I deleted his number. I have cried but I know the loss isn't him.
Last night he messaged again and said......
'I know we haven't spoken in days but I have woken up after have a sexual dream about you and I have nowhere to turn. As its about you and you are on my mind, I thought I should say'
I messaged and said I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with that message. He said 'nothing, it was on my mind at the time and needed to get it out of my head'.
Is that cruel? Why would he do that?

OP posts:
bottomsup22 · 09/11/2022 16:16

He's toying with you. Either wants a shag, wants to keep you on the back burner in case he doesn't get a better offer, wants an ego boost or he's just checking if you're still interested. Possibly all of the above. It's juvenile and cringeworthy to the extreme. Block the wanker.

Chickpea17 · 09/11/2022 16:16

Block him he's just keeping you on the back burner just in case for sex

frozendaisy · 09/11/2022 16:19

Well he thinks he is far more important than just a mere average man doesn't he?

God dicks like this are one of the things that makes life tedious.

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 09/11/2022 16:26

My ex did this whenever we'd fallen out, randomly messaged other exes pretending it was to see how they were then slip in a suggestive comment hoping they'd go along with it to get a quick leg over. He admitted it to me (when I found out) thinking it would make him look sincere and that they (yes, THEY) meant nothing to him.

Erm, no. Off you pop.

Original poster
Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 16:26

I can't block as I have deleted messages. His number isn't in my contacts. If there is another way to block, not sure?
I'm anxious thinking he is going to say something now. I feel really sick and this is definitely cringeworthy like pp said.
He is just horrible. I guess it's the shock of it. I thought he had more respect. When you thought you knew someone.

OP posts:
AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 09/11/2022 16:29

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 16:26

I can't block as I have deleted messages. His number isn't in my contacts. If there is another way to block, not sure?
I'm anxious thinking he is going to say something now. I feel really sick and this is definitely cringeworthy like pp said.
He is just horrible. I guess it's the shock of it. I thought he had more respect. When you thought you knew someone.

If he does then just block immediately and try not to read it (easier said than done).

As I've just said about my ex, he contacted more than one ex. To have that many exes absolutely confirms they are the problem. I'm sorry you feel this way. Once you get a chance to full block you will feel much better x

FootfallFootball · 09/11/2022 16:36

Chickpea17 · 09/11/2022 16:16

Block him he's just keeping you on the back burner just in case for sex

It's a classic and very popular move

TomTraubertsBlues · 09/11/2022 16:37

He's looking for a shag.

He's also trying to keep you there as an option for him, with the repeated messages.

I think you need to block him tbh. He's messing with your head.

FootfallFootball · 09/11/2022 16:40

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 09/11/2022 16:26

My ex did this whenever we'd fallen out, randomly messaged other exes pretending it was to see how they were then slip in a suggestive comment hoping they'd go along with it to get a quick leg over. He admitted it to me (when I found out) thinking it would make him look sincere and that they (yes, THEY) meant nothing to him.

Erm, no. Off you pop.

I've been an ex on the receiving end of this from at least two blokes. I block and delete.
In fact, the real preventative measure would be to bloke and delete immediately after the split, but most of us take a little while to get there

FootfallFootball · 09/11/2022 16:41

*block and delete, not bloke and delete LOL

GoldenCupidon · 09/11/2022 16:44

what a sleaze! at least you know you're very much well away from him

I think the grimmest bit is the fact that he has been pretending he's messaging you for your own good!

CPL593H · 09/11/2022 16:45

If (when) he recontacts, block and delete.

This guy isn't your friend, he doesn't want to be your friend, he is keeping his options open under a false veneer of "caring". He doesn't.

Flowers
MistySkiesAreGone · 09/11/2022 16:48

I'm going to go against the grain and say in there somewhere he is probably struggling to come to terms with it, men have emotions too but he has naively placed it into thinking you could maybe have some intimate conversations, sex etc. (and there be no consequences which isn't true) so in his mind making something positive out of it (which is silly as it devalues what you had)...but whatever it's not helping the situation as it's just prolonging the pair of you moving on. I think he'll probably get the message and cool off quite swiftly. You'll just need to accept that's the end of contact, or at least a very long parting, between you, as you've made it quite clear you don't want the contents of his head, and he needs some natural consequences.

peridito · 09/11/2022 16:53

He doesn't sound a bad guy to me .He has (mainly)meant well but lacks the emotional intelligence to realise that he needs to leave you alone .

The sex dream thing is out of order a real fail in understanding and respect .I don't think he meant to be cruel though .

I do think this should underline how wrong he is for you .

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 09/11/2022 16:55

FootfallFootball · 09/11/2022 16:40

I've been an ex on the receiving end of this from at least two blokes. I block and delete.
In fact, the real preventative measure would be to bloke and delete immediately after the split, but most of us take a little while to get there

Show quote history

Definitely.

When I found out I made him apologise to them for being a using piece of shit and disrespecting them and their feelings.

Struggled through for a short time later but when you're capable of this it's part of who are you so I could never trust him again.

Jewel7 · 09/11/2022 17:00

He wants you to need him but doesn’t want a relationship. Block him I think.

Original poster
Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 17:08

I feel its cruel in thinking this is all I'm worth. He knows I have struggled. He has seen me upset. I accepted that he wanted to move on and we are not right for each other. It's unfair of him to message me after midnight just because this is on his mind. I just feel disrespected by him.

OP posts:
GoldenCupidon · 09/11/2022 17:10

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 17:08

I feel its cruel in thinking this is all I'm worth. He knows I have struggled. He has seen me upset. I accepted that he wanted to move on and we are not right for each other. It's unfair of him to message me after midnight just because this is on his mind. I just feel disrespected by him.

Well I hate to say it but you're right to feel disrespected by him! He's being disrespectful. HOWEVER this has nothing to do with your actual worth. You're as worthy as you believe yourself to be. It might be you have slightly low self esteem and he's seen this and is trying to take advantage of it now - loved your reply by the way!

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 09/11/2022 17:11

MistySkiesAreGone · 09/11/2022 16:48

I'm going to go against the grain and say in there somewhere he is probably struggling to come to terms with it, men have emotions too but he has naively placed it into thinking you could maybe have some intimate conversations, sex etc. (and there be no consequences which isn't true) so in his mind making something positive out of it (which is silly as it devalues what you had)...but whatever it's not helping the situation as it's just prolonging the pair of you moving on. I think he'll probably get the message and cool off quite swiftly. You'll just need to accept that's the end of contact, or at least a very long parting, between you, as you've made it quite clear you don't want the contents of his head, and he needs some natural consequences.

Men obviously have feelings but it sounds like it was him who couldn't give the OP whats she needs. He knows this yet but continues to play on her heartstrings knowing she wanted more than he was willing to give so there are no excuses for him doing this.

GoldenCupidon · 09/11/2022 17:11

I'm sure even the most fabulous women you can think of at some point had some creep trying to booty call them for sex after they'd broken up, it's a universal human experience I think! Only says something about the messager, not the person being messaged.

WaveyHair · 09/11/2022 17:15

It was an incredibly bold, but insensitive and selfish attempt at a booty call. Only thing it meant was that he was after a shag, and knowing you were struggling, felt you might fall for it.

Motherofalittledragon · 09/11/2022 17:26

He's just after a shag, block and ignore.

IamTheBridge · 09/11/2022 17:28

IncompleteSenten · 09/11/2022 15:43

It means

I wonder if I can convince her to fuck me without wanting anything more from me.

Exactly!

DatingDinosaur · 09/11/2022 17:30

He keeps messaging you because he doesn’t want you to move on from him. The thing with that is, he’s also telling you that you’re not going to get back together.

So the upshot of it is, he’s playing games with you.

He’s enjoying dangling you on a string. It’s a selfish ego boost for him too.
He’s the one at fault here for (as you quite rightly put it) “being a twat”.

If he does message again, as everyone else has said (and I usually don’t but…) just block his number. You can always say “I don’t want to hear it and won’t read or respond to anymore messages from you”. Then block.

IamTheBridge · 09/11/2022 17:32

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 17:08

I feel its cruel in thinking this is all I'm worth. He knows I have struggled. He has seen me upset. I accepted that he wanted to move on and we are not right for each other. It's unfair of him to message me after midnight just because this is on his mind. I just feel disrespected by him.

It often takes until something like this happens for you to see the light about a person. He may well have had feelings for you at the time but when it comes to the bottom line now he sees you as potential sex. It is this time that you should press the block button ! He then has no access to you at all. I did this with someone who was pestering me for sex and life is so much easier. Do I need to get messages on and off from him because he is drunk or horny? No. There is nothing flattering in this. Block the prick!