How many people is it acceptable to date?

[Theonlywayisup1]

After coming out of a 10 year relationship earlier this year, and taking time to process the end of that, I have just started to ‘date’ again. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have a number of chaps show an interest and want to meet up for drinks etc.

The question is, is it acceptable to date more that one person at once? I am totally single, but it feels wrong to go out with more than one person?

Totally acceptable in the very early stages if you ask me
Think it's all down to the individual

In my opinion you can go on as many first dates as you like with however much overlap and that's fine. Once you get to multiple dates with one person, you need to press pause on everyone else.

They will be very likely be dating anyone they fancy who they get the chance with.

If it feels wrong, don't do it. Rule 1 for self respect.

It might feel wrong for some to pass up dates when 3 are offered at once, but that's someone else's 'self', and you don't need to respect it.

Can you answer this: Who decides what's 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' in life?

I would imagine that there's a broad range, and that OP's compatible partners will have the same feeling about it as her.

Date as many people as you want. If you get to like someone then you may have a decision to make

If it feels wrong, don't do it. Rule 1 for self respect.

This. There's too much 'everyone does it' about everything relationship. Do what you think is good for you. Have boundaries.

That's why I said "very likely".

It's not really acceptable to date more than one at exactly the same time. <Briefly imagines them lined up along a dinner table...> Could save time, I suppose.

But I've had lunch and evening dates with different men on the same day. And I left one I'd just met at a weekend party to go on another date, and then went back to the party after the date...

The main challenge is mostly scheduling, as time is limited with a full-time job and other activities. I was open with them all about seeing others at the start.

Treat others how you would want to be treated, I would only date one at a time, decide if I like them or not, others are less choosy and multi date, for that reason a guy doesn't get much from me until it's made exclusive.

Well, if there's a broad range it's very likely they'll be the other way too. What you're saying doesn't make sense. You're insinuating that most people date 'anyone they fancy who they get the chance with' whilst accepting that many won't.

Casual sexist dig, by the looks of it.

This. I thought I was going mad for a minute! I’m no prude, I’ve had quite a lot of one night stands, but that’s all they are. When it comes to dating, surely you pick one person, decide if you’re compatible, and if you’re not then you move on?

When I was dating I saw no harm in going on a couple of dates with different people but when it got to the point where I preferred one over the other then I saw only them and called it a day with the others. If I was having sex with someone, spending a lot of time with them and they were making me feel they wanted a relationship with me then I'd assume we were exclusive. If you're just after casual then there's no harm in that but I'd be upfront about it so no one is going to get hurt.

I can't get my head round dating more than one person at a time, my husband and I joke saying we couldn't be doing it so why we stay together!

I think do what you are comfortable with

I’m not looking for casual, and do want to find someone that I could potentially have a future with. But how will I know that until I go out with them at least a couple of times?

it has just so happened that a few of them have asked me out at the same time. I’m
not planning on having sex with more than one and the same time, just try to work out whether they are someone I would want to see more of or not?

If you don't want to date more than one person at a time, don't. This handful aren't the only men on the planet who will ever be interested in you. You don't need to worry about 'missing out'. The right person for you will be available at the right time for you. You go at your own pace. Pick your favourite, and arrange a date. That's all you have to do.

There's no harm getting to know a few people. I think you'll know when you're feeling more of a connection with one and it'll just come naturally. When I said I went on dates with a few people it was just things like coffee, drinks or meal out and only over a couple of weeks. When it was at the point I wanted someone in my house, cosy nights in and that type of stuff, I was only seeing him.

If you want to go on a date with each of them, do it! A first date doesn’t equal a commitment, it’s just getting to know someone to see IF there could be potential there.

I’m in a similar boat. Ended a 10 year relationship last year and now finding my feet in the world of OLD after being out of it for so long!

Back when I met my XP I would only date one person without planning any other dates. I actually ended up with him because he contacted me but I was already going on a date with someone else. I cancelled the previous date because I was ill and then had to choose to rearrange with the other guy or meet XP! Maybe I should have done both? 🤔

These days I’m embracing it as a bit of fun.

So have been for lunch dates about 5 or 6 times with a guy I like but don’t really fancy, to see if anything more came of it. It hasn’t.

In between those I’ve had chats with other men, a single but fairly successful date, which then went on to him being over invested and a bit clingy, I’ve met up with a long term acquaintance for (what was obviously going to just be) sex, and planning that again soon.

Meanwhile I’m planning a first date with two separate men from Bumble and just matched with a 3rd.

At my age (late 40s) it’s a numbers game and I know I’m going to have to meet a lot of men to find a good one, so I’m not going to wait weeks in between each. I won’t sleep with the others while I’m shagging the FWB but I don’t see why I should miss out on good sex if these dates end up being duds. I may well judge a man if he was doing the same, but I wouldn’t need to know the ins and outs of his sex life before we started actually dating and they don’t need to know either, so I’ve squared it with myself.

Just agree to whatever anyone invites you to (if you want to do it). You don’t owe these guys exclusivity yet. If anyone is nice enough after a first date to stop meeting others you can always cancel them.

If you're doing it online then assume the people you go on a date with have other dates lined up.

The first date if you don't already know them in truth is more a 'do I think this person seems relatively normal so I can have a further date' as the second date is then often more relaxed as you have both agreed to do it again so are confident the other person at least likes you.

I think by the end of date 3 you have an idea of where things are going.

Where it gets complicated is, for example, some see sleeping with someone as a cut off (I would) others see anything in the first few months as fairly casual. So you may want to get a steer on that early on.

On the dating threads they refer to the first date as date zero, as it doesn’t really count - it’s mainly to see that they haven’t massively lied about their age/appearance etc, they have some teeth, don’t stink of smoke when they’ve said they’re a non smoker and can actually string a sentence together! Once you’ve established they do actually exist and haven’t totally catfished you, then you can arrange your first date.

When I split from exh I went on a few different dates and talked to guys but usually one at a time and if it didn't work or I didn't like them, I moved onto the next.

Then I met dh and I knew he was the one after one date. Luckily he knew too!

I would say it is OK to meet several people for a couple of dates to work out whether there is a connection.

It usually takes me at least three dates to really assess whether I like the person and want to take it further.

After that though I personally would not want to continue to date someone who wanted to still seeing other people by that stage. Nor would I want to date someone who is sleeping with several people.

In my experience be choosy who you meet but it's fine to line up several first dates. Maybe even a few dates each to see how they go. However, if you really hit it off with one then cancel the others once the second date is confirmed. If I liked someone and felt potential then I would ensure mutual exclusivity before we slept together. Too much opportunity to get hurt otherwise. If you have some casual flings along the way too that's fine.

It's quite rare to meet someone who has real potential for long term even if you get a lot of interest so if you do, I would suggest focusing on that and seeing where it goes rather than keeping your options open. If it goes nowhere, fine. Resume the search.

Ahh it’s such a minefield! But sounds like meeting more than one person is fine as long as not physical, but once things get intimate just stick to one person until they either get the thumbs up or the thumbs down?!