Sex scenes/nudity In movies.

[BabyBx]

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice please, to cut a long story short basically I'm feeling really uncomfortable watching sex scenes in movies with my partner. It's becoming a big deal because my partner says I need to stop feeling like this and that it's childish that we can't watch sex together in movies or nudity, he says all his past girlfriends haven't had a problem with it, and all his mates talk about series such as game of thrones etc and he wants to watch them with me. We put on game of thrones a while ago and it got to the point I started crying because I felt so upset and uncomfortable that he is watching naked woman on the screen. I've confided in him and told him how I feel about it and he says I need to snap out of it, but in all honesty I'm finding it so hard. I feel like crying typing this because I don't feel like I'm good enough for him 😔 just because I don't feel like other woman towards this subject, I don't know if any other girl out there feels like me. I feel so alone in this feeling, I said I would try my best to put my feelings aside to make him happy and we can watch a series - last night we watched some episodes of ' the Americans ' where it features sex scenes and a rape scene. I felt Really uncomfortable again and like I wanted to cry but I kept this feeling to myself again. Now I'm thinking later he is going to put it on again and I will feel like this again - I feel so sad it's hard to explain 😞 I know I'm going to just have to sit and watch it even though its hurting me emotionally knowing he's watching other females moan and be naked. I probably sound insane, but I honestly feel so sad about it all 😔 I asked if we could skip it abit if a sexscene came on but he doesn't want to do that either. He makes me feel so bad for this genuine feeling of sadness and that's what hurts. Do I need to see a doctor? How can I be the person he wants me to be? 😔

misses the point The Americans is one of the best TV shows I've ever seen.

If my partner was uncomfortable watching a show with me because there were naked men in it, I would take that as a gigantic red flag and leave him.

If a man told his female partner he was uncomfortable about her watching shows with naked men in them, this thread would be very different.

I don't think OP's partner has been very kind - though I can't say I wouldn't react in the same way out of frustration - and of course no one should watch things they don't want to. But the extremity of OP's reaction and the reasons behind it are not normal at all to me. This isn't the very valid feminist point of female actors being sexualised more than male actors - this is feeling emotionally rejected thinking about your partner watching a sex scene in a film, and feeling like you're not good enough because of that. This is something I'd advise OP to seek help for.

can't say I won't watch them with him because then he will say we will never watch anything together.

This is manipulative of him @BabyBx . He could always watch other programmes with you. I manage to avoid ones that have much sex or anything in them.

I agree. It's very extreme to feel so upset about contrived sex

He's sexually coercive watching Game of Thrones ? WWWHHHHAAAT????

No, @Catlover1970 he's sexually coercive in wanting OP to be around something sexual when she doesn't want to be, and belittling her via comparisons to his exes when she clarifies how she feels.

he's watching a TV programme!

@Catlover1970 Yes, but he's trying to coerce OP into watching naked people etc when she doesn't want to.

He's trying to get OP to watch a TV programme. It's very different.

I think there are a few things going on there:
1- You have insecurities (don't we all...) but to the point where it's become very difficult for you to even think about him watching a naked actress in a movie. Men will be men, most watch porn, it shouldn't be a torture for you. So as you mentioned, probably a good idea to try and see someone to discuss this, because it's really affecting your mental health and mental wellbeing OP, and you don't deserve that.

2- Regardless of the above, if you feel uncomfortable watching a TV show, because of sex scenes or violence or anything else that doesn't sit well with you, then do not watch it. Do not force yourself to make him happy, he should be able to understand that.

OP needs to see a counsellor so that she stops minding her partner watching porn? Jeez.

Cheers @Watchkeys

@Catlover1970 - he makes her feel bad when she doesn't want to watch WITH him. So bad that she tries to, & sometimes scenes eg rape make her cry.
Then he tells her to "snap out of it."

She never tells HIM what to watch.
She just wants him to stop forcing HER to watch stuff that upsets her.

Whether any of us agree that the content she finds upsetting would upset US is immaterial. It upsets HER, her b/f knows this damn well, & coerces her to watch anyway. See my cabbage analogy, upthread.

Your not insane. Have you been tested for general anxiety disorder ? Go talk to someone

Hi lovely, sending you a big hug, I have been through this myself and its utterly miserable and feels quite isolating because it's not common to feel that way so you feel like there's something wrong with you "why can't you feel normal"

For me it was a combination of feeling angry that to/movies are still very much all for the male gaze, nudity is mostly sexy if it's female but funny if it's male. Feeling insecure in myself my body and jealousy of my partner seeing other women with stunning/perfect bodies on tv.

What I have recognised now that I'm no longer like that is that it's not really about any of the above, it's about anxiety and insecurity and that just happened to manifest in the above until it got completely out of hand, I didn't even like my partner watching those things even when I wasn't with him (talk about bat shit) he's a huge GOT fan, I'd get jealous of him even talking about it, and it wasn't like he was raving about the sex scenes.

Now he can watch all that kind of thing and I don't bat an eyelid. I still don't watch it with him but that's because GOT ain't my thing, however these days I'm quite happy for it to be on whilst I do other things if he's watching it, I could never have coped with that previously.

I tried completely avoiding all things with sex/nudity (hard to do, it's in most things) I tried forcing myself to watch things containing it with him. But neither of those things really helped. What really helped me was actually getting therapy for the underlying causes because like I said it's never really about those things that's just how it manifests its self. I thought I'd always be like that because this isn't something new for me or something that's only happened in my current relationship. Please seek help through therapy they are there to help you not judge you, this is something that you can work through and get over I promise.

Dont let anyone shame or belittle you for feeling this way just because they don't feel that way and they don't understand why you feel that way doesn't make your feelings any less valid. I'm not frightened of spiders but it doesn't mean I judge or shame someone who is, we are all different.

you can get help with this and get through it x

What a lovely, genuine, thoughtful post @Starpop
I'm glad you are doing so much better,, & hope OP takes comfort & hope from your insight.

OP, I hope you're getting help and support with your dysmorphia, I would really focus on that as your priority in life.

With your boyfriend, he seems unpleasant, yes, it's unusual to be so uncomfortable with (non-porn) sex scenes, but the guy is supposed to love you, so why wouldn't he just fast-forward bits of a movie or stick to watching things you'd both enjoy? You don't have to be joined at the hip all the time either, he can watch movies he likes without you having to sit through them. You could do other things as a couple instead, if your telly tastes don't match.

If he's dismissive of you generally, then he's not the right man for you and he will harm your MH further around your self-esteem and dysmorphia. You should feel valued and loved in a relationship.

As for rape scenes, no, I don't watch them, they make me sick and they're usually gratuitous exploitative garbage.

Oh honey I feel your heart break. You just told my exact story......13 years we've been together and for 13 years I've been you.....still am your not alone. Worst part is my 16 yr old son from my previous relationship, well now he thinks he's gonna put that trash on for my son to watch and it caused an argument between us. I've told him COUNTLESS times crying baring my hurt soul to him and he's an A$$ho$! about it makes me cry tells me to grow up and get over "my insecurities" but it's my MORALS, VALUES, BELIEFS that the kind of distasteful unnecessary nudity & sex in EVERYTHING not only makes me very uncomfortable but It feels like betrayal having him watch other naked women having sex I mean seriously I don't care what society accepts I DONT. It's wrong on many levels and YOU are NOT crazy and NOTHING is wrong with you. In my heart of hearts I feel if he REALY loved me, then he'd avoid these types of movies and showes seeing the tears and pain in my eyes when he's glued to these graphic sex scenes 💔 😢 seriously hurts me so deeply and he gets mad AT ME??!! deep down I really don't think he loves me like I love him because I'd never want to hurt him like he's hurt me period. Hugs from michigan

When I first got with my DH I used to get upset so he would look things up on IMDB. They rate shows on various things, including sex and nudity and even list the scenes so you could then make a call if you wanted to watch it or not, I also found knowing what to expect made it less annoying for me. Now it doesn't bother me as much, so hopefully you'll feel like that too. I never watched GoT for the reason everyone said it was pretty much porn, so I understand somewhat where you're coming from. On top of feeling insecure it would piss me off that it was almost always attractive women, and it was usually irrespective to the story. Sexism at its finest

It's funny how it's classed as normal now the extreme violence,sex and torture films etc. People say are you insecure erm no she's actually quite normal and got a very good point the fact people have become desensitised to this stuff and more and class it as normal makes me question what happened to people's morals but hey I'm just young and think how sad people say it's moving with the times but such a shame morals and respectability slowly disappear

I think realistically you'd need to date someone really religious or who doesn't watch TV as these sort of scenes are very commonplace. He doesn't sound like the right man for you if watching normal TV together is something he considers an important part of a relationship.

“He makes me feel so bad for this genuine feeling of sadness and that's what hurts.”
Have you ever thought you could also be making him sad or feel guilt over this irrational behaviour? He just wants to watch a program with you, it doesn’t sound like he’s picking them just because it has sex scenes in.

“I feel like crying typing this because I don't feel like I'm good enough for him 😔 “
You’re obviously very insecure to allow this to make you feel so upset and probably jealous. You definitely need some sort of therapy or something to help you overcome this. Sex is everywhere in tv shows and films and if you don’t sort it you will either push your bf away or live a very miserable life. Of course your entitled to watch whatever you want or don’t want but there is clearly an issue you need help with

OP said she doesn’t feel good enough for him, is uncomfortable watching naked women on tv and questions how she can be the person he wants her to be. That is all coming from insecurities. I do agree when it comes to scenes in films some people have been desensitised but that’s not enough to start questioning people’s morals

This is very extreme, sitting crying as you see a sex scene or named woman in something like got. I mean you just need to excuse yourself and leave the room, but that’s an extreme level of jealousy and insecurity. It is your issue, not his, he’s doing nothing wrong, but it’s very discomfiting you’ve such major mental health issues. I don’t know what help is available to you though.

Your feelings are irrational but they are your feelings and he should respect that. Can't you just skip forward through the sex scenes if they bother you?

What now? He can’t watch and it needs to be skipped forward as she has irrational thoughts? No she needs to leave the room.

Watching other people naked and having sex is not normal. Just because people have been brainwashed into believing it should be enjoyable does not make the OP wrong or insecure or "insane"
You need to LTB if he makes you feel shit OP.