H of 16 years had an EA 5 years ago. It was awful. We worked hard towards getting back on track. Not hard enough. Fast forward 5 years and I have thought about my options, built my confidence and self-esteem, qualified in a new profession and thought long an dhard about th eoptions available to my children and me in relation to remaining in the marriage. It hasn't bee easy but this year I felt I had moved on from the EA and thought things were goin in the right direction.
Anyway just over a week ago I found out that H was just embarking on another affair. When confornted he admitted it, said he wasn't happy and was planning on leaving after xmas. It transpires his plan was somewhat under developed and he had got as far as start a long distance relationship with an OW and that was it.
So it was a very clear end. I tried to forgive once. Not doing it twice. And apparently he was leaving anyway, so not much choice in the matter for me. Although it has been a really tough 5 years there have been lots of good family times with the kids and I personally gained a lot from it in terms of knowing who I am, protecting the future for me and the DCs and coming to the realisation I will be ok on my own with the kids. I was still very shocked and upset and have got though my first day since without bursting into tears every two minutes.
We told our 3 dc (age 10,13 and 14) and they were shocked but ok. Keeping a close eye on them and focusing on them has been everything. We told them that we were seperating as our relationship wasn't working anymore, we loved them, would still be friends and our differences were between us and nothing to do with them.
I have asked H to leave and he has gone. I have immediately eastablished childcare will be split 50/50, H will see them at the family home until he finds a place. I will stay with friends near by when he is here.
Over the last three days I have felt an increasing sense of empowerment. Its like the scales have been lifted from my eyes. I have compromised so much and put up with things I am actually ashamed to have put up with. I have relasied that I have lost a sense of my true self and what I want for me and my kids and now it is really clear. I feel ashamed for not having seperated with him before. I have realised that I bring most things to this relationship and carry most of the emotional and practical load. How did this happen?!!
I am in a lucky position becuase I am financially independent and will not need to leave or sell the family home. I don't need any contribution financially fromhim apart from him doing his share with the DC. So I know this is a huge worry that many women have to contend with and I don't. But still, I feel like he has done me a favour.
Has anyone else felt like this? Did this feeling come crashing down? Is it beacuse I am probably running on a lot of adrenaline? I didn't sleep the first two nights after I found out,but have slept ok since. Am I heading for a breakdown? I feel nervous that I feel so calm and relieved.