Divorce settlement, trying to remain amicable but don’t want to be taken for a fool.

[19lottie82]

My husband and I had been growing apart for a while now and 3 months ago after he manipulated an argument with me, he left. I had spent £100k setting up and running a business for him which failed, I’m also sure he was drinking and taking cocaine. I am happy he left and I can move on with my life.

I put the deposit down for the house which is solely in my name in 2015 and the next year my mother died and I paid off the mortgage with my inheritance. The house has been valued at £230k and is currently on the market

I know he is legally entitled to a state of the house as it was the matrimonial home. I agreed to give him £65k, then he changed his mind said he wanted £80k. I agreed to keep the peace and remain amicable. His lawyer was sent the agreement but come back and said he wants another £10k……

I also found out that he has been telling various people that the reason his business failed is because i stole all the funds, had multiple affairs and left him destitute ……. All lies!

I know he would be entitled to a share of the house but my solicitor says he would be unlikely to be awarded half as he didn’t put anything in. We don’t have any children and live in Scotland.

He is horrendous with money, always has been. I paid for the majority of things during our 8 year marriage.

the house has been on the market for a month now and I haven’t had any offers. Due to the state of the market I’m considering just taking it off and staying here, but I know he will flip out. He doesn’t have the funds to take legal action to force the sale.

I just don’t know what to do now, I wanted to avoid a legal battle, but at the same time I don’t want to be taken for a doormat.

I rarely say this but…. Fuck amicable. I’d rather spent my £ on lawyers than give it to him.

(Sorry , challenging day at work).

Seriously, if you are ‘amicable’ ’ he will just take you for everything. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stand up for yourself. Can you buy him out of the house?

Do you not have a solicitor? If not, you need one ASAP.

I rarely say this but…. Fuck amicable. I’d rather spent my £ on lawyers than
give it to him.

Thats what I’m thinking but I just don’t know if I can deal with the stress of it all. I’ll speak to my lawyer shortly and see what she thinks.

Let him flip out.

Make him an offer to buy him out (let your solicitor guide you on what's reasonable or get another one if you don't trust their judgement) and stick to it.

Do you not have a solicitor? If not, you need one ASAP

I do. I haven’t spoken to her since she emailed yesterday to say that he had rejected the agreement. I’ll speak to her at the end of the week

I would just stay in the house until he agrees to 65k (through your solicitor - no stress for you) or takes you to court

Stay in the house. What a plank.

How long have you been married? In a short marriage in Scotland you look at your respective assets pre and post marriage and split from there so depending on when you bought the property and how long you were married he might not get more than you’ve offered anyway.

You need the legal battle unfortunately. It’s the only way these things are ever resolved properly. You will be in a better position for the battle if you take your house off the market and stay in it until the outcome has been decided.

He’s spending awful lies about you, that’s not amicable! Don’t offer him
anything, he can fight you for it if he insists but don’t make it easy, he’s already wasted £100k of your money!!

My solicitor really fought for me in a similar situation and got me a much better result than I was expecting. I felt similar to you in that I dreaded having to have a big fight with my exh and almost just backed down; so, so glad I didn't.

Stick with it op, and change your solicitor if they aren't doing what you need.

I’m in Scotland . I had a brilliant female lawyer in Paisley if that’s any good for you ?

Clean break

Give him as little as possible.
To quote @LadyGardenersQuestionTime Fxxk him.

the law in Scotland is different and is not a straightforward split

remember just because he is telling his solicitor to write letters it doesn’t mean that’s what the law says he is entitled to!

keep holding out. He will soon get desperate. Just buy him out

Thank you passwordsffs, I already have a female lawyer who has come highly recommended.

I know you’re all right I need to woman up and stop taking his shite. I’m just worried about the stress of it all kicking off, which I was hoping to avoid. Also we have 2 dogs but they’re really “his” dogs, I know if shit hits the fan he’s unlikely to let me see them again which breaks my heart.

It will be much better than the stress of giving all your money away to this prick.

As I understand it there are 2 aspects – Divorce and Financial Settlement.
To know what a fair split of assets is and to reach a financial settlement divorcing parties need to know what the assets of the marriage are, and what each asset is worth.

Look at a Form E. A long document in which each party sets out their assets, income, and financial needs. You can see in it the assets that are taken into consideration upon divorce and financial settlement, for example property (the former marital home), pensions, stocks and shares etc. It also lists the documents needed that show the value of assets for example CETVs (cash equivalent transfer values of pensions - which can be requested from pension providers).

To find out what some assets are worth an independent expert can be used. Property can be valued by an expert - estate agents, pensions by CETV and / or a pension on divorce expert (PODE) report and so on. It is important to decide what needs a valuation by an independent expert and factor in the costs of these.

Pensions can be very valuable – equivalent or more than the value of the former martial home in some cases. Divorcing parties might hold different types of pensions (not like-for-like, so difficult to compare without an expert). Circumstances might be complex for example an age difference or pensions in payment. One party may have stayed at home to look after children.

@AnnaMagnani and @silentpool made some useful comment on this in this thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/4664756-what-do-i-need-to-do-about-our-pensions?reply=121093079
When splitting the assets of a marriage…
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25 applies

The income, earning capacity, property, and other financial resource which each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future. As I understand it, first consideration is given to the welfare (while a minor) of any child of the family who has not yet attained the age of eighteen. The needs of each divorcing party are taken into account and as I understand it 50 / 50 is the starting point – so unequal shares based on circumstances and needs is possible, for example 60 / 40. Financial settlements need to be fair and reasonable in accordance with section 25.

First stage exchange of Form E (financial info), the questionnaires (any follow up questions / ask for anything missing), deficiencies (anything deficient in answers or information - follow up questions). On another post it was suggested that any reluctance to share information, or to withold it, is where the money is.

These offer a free advice session about pensions on divorce and separation www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation/divorce-or-dissolution-how-we-can-help-with-your-pension
Free advice line (busy so keep trying) rightsofwomen.org.uk

Guides on divorce and financial settlement
www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-financial-order-without-help-lawyer

Pensions on divorce
www.sharingpensions.co.uk/penaudit3.htm
www.mediateuk.co.uk/the-ultimate-guide-to-pensions-on-divorce/
www.nuffieldfoundation.org/news/new-good-practice-guide-addresses-shortfall-in-understanding-of-how-to-treat-pensions-on-divorce

Valuation of pensions – pensions on divorce expert report
www.collinspensionactuaries.co.uk no relation – useful website
www.collinspensionactuaries.co.uk/pension-data-collection/ templates for information required
Hope this is helpful. Caveat – this is not my profession.
Legal advice should be sought.
This link gives you an indication of hourly rate for solicitors
www.gov.uk/guidance/solicitors-guideline-hourly-rates
Some organisations offer free advice from solicitors and barristers rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/ On their FAQs page…”Our Legal Officers and Volunteer legal advisors are all solicitors and barristers”.
Some family solicitors offer an in initial free consultation and some a fixed fee rather than hourly.
Some barristers can be directly instructed e.g., via Clerksroom Direct

Re the dogs I believe the dogs are a chattels - property - and the court can decide who has them taking into consideration the following and the best interests / welfare of the animal.

Who...
Pays for the pet insurance
Name is on the contract
Is registered with the vet
Is primary carer for the animal, feeds them, walks them etc.
Name is registered on the microchip
Buys the pet food and other supplies

Please see below for differences between England Scotland and Wales

www.weightmans.com/insights/financial-settlements-arising-on-divorce-a-quick-guide-to-family-law-in-englandwales-and-scotland/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/family/relationship-problems-s/getting-divorced-s/

Totally agree with fuck amicable.

Especially if there's no kids involved. I was more amicable than i could have been which i bitterly regret, i thought maintaining an ok relationship was worth it as we are co parenting but it really wasn't as my ex begrudged anything i got in the settlement, even though it was basically the lowest my solicitor would have let me accept. We have an awful relationship now anyway.

Good luck to you

This.
There is really no such thing as amicable in divorce. Your interests are not the same anymore.

Stay in the house definitely. It's taken me 18 months to force the sale of mine with a difficult ex.

'my solicitor says he would be unlikely to be awarded half as he didn’t put anything in'

I'm sorry but this is plain incorrect. I put nothing into our former matrimonial home and it wasn't in joint names either but I kept it.