Hate what I look like.

[AndIWouldHaveGotAwayWithItToo]

I'm really 'plain'. I don't even scrub up well. I prefer not to wear make up because I think I look better without it. I don't have a nice figure/body.

It's destroying what little confidence I have.

I know all the stuff about personality being attractive etc but I hate what I look like so much it's really impacting on my life

I don't know what I'm asking for really. No one here is going to he able to make me feel better about it. It just makes me really sad.

If you like your self better without make up, get some good skin care and make your skin its best, do an at home eyelash perm(realy easy and opens up your eyes) do some exercise, wear clothing that makes you feel good, shows off your best feature.

Very few of us are good looking. We all try to make the best of ourselves. I would suggest going to a beauty counter and asking them to demonstrate a light make up on you. then go to a good hairdresser and ask advice on the best hairstyle for your face. It might also be a good idea to book a personal shopping appointment at a large department store. You don’t have to buy anything but get some ideas about what styles and colours really suit you. Finally, do some exercise to tone up your body. It sounds as if your real issue is a lack of self confidence and it might be worth buying a book or having a few counselling sessions. Think about what you are really interested in and join a group with like minded people or join a walking group - you will get exercise and new friends. Good luck

It's OK to be plain and for one's appearance to not be one's best feature, but this has traditionally been harder for women. Identify your best features such as character, skills, values/ethics, etc., and hone those.

IMO. It’s twinkly eyes and a sense of fun that makes a person beautiful. I’ve seen too many fake everything women who look er, ok I guess, but don’t contribute.

I have to say that IMO not being great looking when you're young makes aging a hell of a lot easier. A lot of people find getting old really difficult but if you've never been gorgeous you have much less to lose and can just enjoy getting older and being less judged on your looks.

I also think there's a lot of pressure on the good looking to stay that way and that can result in fillers, botox, plastic surgery and more and more desperate measures to stay looking young and attractive. And if you're with someone who expects you to not age/droop/sag/wrinkle then you've got even more pressure. Well that's my experience anyway.

Do you exercise at all? I find it's brilliant to help with self esteem and self confidence. I'm no model I know, but trying to look the best I can really helps.

I would work on your inner monologue. When these thoughts come up challenge them.

Does it matter? Why do you need to be attractive?

I've never been particularly attractive. I like to make the best of what I have, so do my hair and make up, wear something nice etc. But I'm in my 40s now. I have two kids. I'm not arsed about attracting the attention of men. I WFH and I'm not 'seen' by as many people as I used to be. How I look doesn't impact on my day to day life

why do you have to be 'pretty'? Isn't that something we are told is important, but actually on the face of it, no pun intended, is not important at all - you are you, be happy you are healthy and full of life.
Who actually cares what you look like op, you are accepted as God made you.

"Looking good" comes in all shapes and sizes, but the thing that makes a real difference is your confidence. One thing I've done in the past that sounds silly (but works) is just bigging myself up. If I have a thought of "oh god I look horrendous" then I immediately tell myself to shut up, I don't look horrendous I look absolutely fine, good even. I compliment myself even when I don't believe it, because it DOES change your mindset. Essentially, be kind to yourself and be your biggest "hype man" for a few weeks and you'll notice a difference.

And remember that we're our own biggest critics. I guarantee you that no one else thinks you don't look good 😊

I’m 64, grey and a bit overweight. I don’t really like the way I look anymore, although I was fine when I was younger. I very very rarely wear makeup.

I was seeing a therapist earlier this year and on our last session she told me what lovely skin I had. I don’t think so, it’s just as lined as anybody my age. I know she wouldn’t lie, she’s my therapist after all. Obviously it gave me a lovely uplift.

I tell you this because although you don’t like your face, other people may be noticing something lovely you are not aware of.

Im pretty plain looking also. It doesn't really bother me anymore. I did have such low confidence at one point, but I found people (online) like me. So people who have the same skin tone/ texture and saw what makeup looks best on them and practiced till I actually thought I look decent with it on. ( watch some YouTube tutorials) If you're totally against makeup, invest in your skin, eyelash extensions help, tint your eyebrows, get your nails done. When you look good, you feel good. Regarding your body, do a bit of research. Find out what body shape you are, and what looks good on other people. Buy some new clothes( don't have to be expensive, charity shops). Get some nice perfumes that make you feel good, or it might be a nice pair of shoes. Very few people just wake up looking great, we all have to put some effort in to look decent.

Setting yourself some fitness goals might help you to see your body as the amazing, adaptable, resilient miracle it is, instead of just worrying about what you look like. There are so many YouTubers who offer encouragement and absolutely brilliant ongoing training, free of charge, for stuff you can do in your own home without equipment.

I'm not sure what media/social media you are exposed to on a daily basis, but also consider that mentally and spiritually, "you are what you eat" in terms of the information and attitudes you take in.

I agree with the poster who said "does it matter" @Nintendonasalspray are you worried about not attracting a man (to get married) procreate)?

I'm plain if I don't wear makeup, colours on my lips ands eyes.

The most important thing is how you feel about yourself, it sounds like you're really hard and judgemental on yourself and that's a shame. I would stop worrying about what you look like to others and focus on what makes you feel good.

I find running helps my self esteem, I lost 8 stone a few years back and had a real battle with myself to feel confident. Its not even about exercise helping with body shape etc but because it reminds me how amazing my body is in that it gets stronger every time I run and keeps me alive. Cheesy I know. I find then I have more motivation to look after my hair and skin, and choose clothes I feel good in (regardless of what others think).

I feel exactly the same OP. It extends further than just looks for me, I hate literally everything about myself.

I do look after my skin to an extent- moisturising. I wear makeup on special occasions/nights out but not every day.

I've tried changing my mindset, I've read some self-esteem books aimed specifically for women. It "works" for a little bit, in so much as I'll be OK with how I look, but then one day I'll look in the mirror and just see ugliness looking back at me. I've stood there in tears wondering why I even bother moisturising or putting on a lipgloss. That doesn't change how ugly I am.

I don't have any helpful advice for you but you're not alone and I think it can be hard for people who don't feel that way about themselves to really understand what it's like.

If I feel ugly @AndIWouldHaveGotAwayWithItToo , I always remind myself that there are many people in this world who are uglier than me.

I remind myself that I don't have X, Y, Z features that aren't considered conventionally attractive (just giving letters so as not to offend/upset anyone.)

Being plain is kind of good (this is how I've adjusted to getting older) because I think we might get men considering us on our personalities rather than looks, so they might tend to be more decent than the guys only interested in the physical.

A huge amount of attractiveness is about self care. So if you have well cut hair, nicely shaped eyebrows, well kept nails and skin, that is a big start.

Then getting fit is a massive bonus. You don't have to have a perfectly proportioned body or be tall, but if you are toned, have good posture and move with energy, then these things are very attractive.

Finally, dressing in an interesting way that makes the best of your best features and carefully works with your least good features also helps.

You can easily do something about all of these and it will make a HUGE difference.

If your self-image doesn't improve after that, you would do well to find a therapist who specialises in body dysmorphia. IME thinking of yourself as plain has far more to do with self-esteem than actual features. But it can have a lot to do with self care. If that is poor, then you are putting yourself at a disadvantage.

Why don't you try an experiment for a month?
Do online yoga classes every day (e.g. Adriene (If these cost money there are loads of free ones by her and others on you tube, including Jessamyne Stanley who is a plus size yoga teacher - go for her more active opnes, though as some of hers are just about gentle stretching and breathing.)
do 10-30 mins bodyweight, HIIT or handweights/kettlebell training every day too. Again there are loads of online free videos. Just type 10 minute beginners bodyweight into you tube and take your pick, then increase gardually to 15 mins, 20 etc.
Get a hair cut, get your nails done and eyebrows shaped.
Start a skincare regime that suits your skin type. Doesn't have to be loads of money or products. Ask for advise on Style & Beauty.
Chuck out all clothes that make you feel like a lump. Buy some clothes wiht a bit of colour, modern necklines, in fabrics that feel good against your skin. Wear them every day. Style & beauty will help you find what suits your shape.
Even if you have very little money, you can get brows done at Superdrug, do your own skin and nails, get hair done by a junior stylist or mobile hairdresser who are often much more reasopnably proced. If you are in a big city, it can be free at a training academy (but takes hours!)
You could try affirmations - e.g. I like and accept myself and take good care of myself - said every day when you wake up, when you look in the mirror and when you go to bed,. You don't have to believe it, you just have to say it calmly without sneering at yourself as you do it. It can help replace critical internal commentary.

See how you feel in a month if you have done this.

I agree with @BuryingAcorns. I am "pretty" but simply because I take great care of myself. I have spent the past 10 years toning my body (Pilates, Pilates, Pilates 4 times a week) and keeping myself a size 8. For your skin, use tretinoin (evening) and azelaic acid (morning). You should get a lovely glow.

For your hair, get an amazing haircut and colour (you might need to try different hairdressers). If you get any thinning, take regaine (or oral minoxidil). Many dermatologists these days recommend minoxidil simply to keep hair thicker in menopause.

That's the trick - the more you take care of yourself the more you like yourself so it also helps with that.

Good luck!

A lot of women are plain underneath make up and hair done, but it does go along way with doing the best you can, have a neat hairstyle, good skincare and makeup, gives you a confidence boost. You don't need much make up to look polished, just to cover imperfections and bring your best features out. Keeping your weight in a healthy range, do it for your health rather than pressure to look good but the side effects is that you will feel and look much better and your skin will naturally glow.

Disappointing to see some posters trying to lift the OP up by putting other women down.

What is it you don't like, OP? Are you motivated to change and looking for advice, or just wanting a chat about how you're feeling?

Thank you for the replies.

In answer to a few questions, I do yoga and I do feel better for it. I only use natural products on my skin and my skin is fine. I have hobbies and things I do for fun. I eat well and try to stick to unprocessed foods where possible. My weight is within the healthy range but I have no desire to be 'slim' or toned and I don't have the time to go to the gym anymore. I used to go a couple of times a week but I just don't have the time/energy to go I do home workouts now but they're not really as effective. I've been to the hairdresser's and I know what clothes suit me. I don't really have a 'best feature' to highlight.

I'm just feeling in a real slump because despite doing most of the things that have been suggested, I don't feel any better about myself. When I was younger, I stopped going out because of how I felt about how I look. I went through several years of working on myself, which helped a little bit but I hate it again now because it didn't really make any real difference.

So I suppose I was looking to have a bit of a chat about it. I'm putting off social events because I don't want to be seen. It's really starting to get me down.

I don't like anything about myself tbh.

The way I felt was manageable until a few months ago but something triggered it and I'm back to square one. I can't even remember what the trigger was. I just know that I feel worse now than I did this time last year when I was feeling more ok about myself.

A slightly different perspective - if you look at yourself in the mirror what you're seeing is what you got given by all the people before. If I look I see my mother a bit, some of my nana (shes gone now and I really miss her). There's even a great aunt who I got sent a photo of not long ago because im so like her. Your face isn't 'you'

Of course we all try to make the most of what we've got, or just aim for 'presentable' 😂