Hate what I look like.

[AndIWouldHaveGotAwayWithItToo]

I'm really 'plain'. I don't even scrub up well. I prefer not to wear make up because I think I look better without it. I don't have a nice figure/body.

It's destroying what little confidence I have.

I know all the stuff about personality being attractive etc but I hate what I look like so much it's really impacting on my life

I don't know what I'm asking for really. No one here is going to he able to make me feel better about it. It just makes me really sad.

Yes, unfortunately. I've genuinely lost count of the number of times I've been followed or sexually assaulted.

I don't doubt you @LadyOfTheFliessssss in case it comes across that way! It's just that I saw similarities with myself and it's not something you can really talk about (and brings its own problems as you say.

I've been followed before, certainly, and only recently I had someone wait in a doorway en route of one of my scheduled commutes. I actually recoiled and it was terrifying.

Ageing will eventually put paid to it, I presume! Sorry OP for the tangent, but I hope it's all useful as a whole, the thread.

Ageing will eventually put paid to it, I presume!

@mightarture Yep- I mean I was never a 10, but getting older has definitely got rid of most sexual harrassment.

Oh no didn't take it that way at all! Don't worry.

I'm pretty much 40 now and it's definitely put off a lot of creeps. But even now, people still get weird with me. I have to be so careful about being friendly with any man that talks to me.

Anyway, don't want to make it about me. Just wanted to say you still have all the same hangups and issues no matter what you look like.

And I'm sure you're being your own worst critic, as we all are

I can't tell if you are a woman who, like most of us at some point, feels like she's lost her way with her appearance and needs a bit of support and advice to get out of a slump, or if you have issues that would be there regardless of how you look. Your updates suggest the second, so it might be beyond the remit of the usual advice to get a good haircut and some new clothes.
Whichever, you might find it helpful to put your focus on to health and well-being. Eat a fabulous clean diet, take some excercise outside, sleep well, relax and rest. Whether your issue really is your appearance or it's more deep rooted than that those things should help you feel (and look) better.

Eat a fabulous clean diet

There is no 'dirty' food really unless it's contaminated. I get what you mean but non-wholefood is also ok in moderation.

I eat treats sometimes but I also eat some nutritious foods. Started eating a lot of healthy fats (salmon, nuts) and that has given a bit more of a glow and elasticity to my complexion I think.

Of course everything is OK in moderation, but i find that eating whole foods and avoiding processed foods and choosing those with higher nutritional content makes a huge difference to how I look and feel. Fewer headaches, better digestion, less sluggish, more energy, less bloating and huge improvements to my skin and hair. I'm at an age where my calorie requirement is pretty low if I want to maintain a healthy BMI, so I like to use them on the foods that are best for me. I get its not everyone's choice, but just sharing with the OP what helps me.

This is why it's so hard. The suggestions are all good but I've adopted so many of the things suggested already.

I already switched to clean eating a couple of years ago.

I'm not a slave to it but I tend to only eat clean, unprocessed foods.

Fewer headaches, better digestion, less sluggish, more energy, less bloating and huge improvements to my skin and hair.

Yes, I've recognised all of these improvements. I feel OK in myself but not about myself.

I think that you sound like you need some medication, you have tried everything!

I recommend micro dosing mushrooms but not everyone wants to try it. Works for depression and complicated situations, a friend uses them occasionally. It helps her.

Life is complicated, our minds are complicated. Have to been to the Gp to ask for antidepressants?

Whenever I give myself a hard time about "clean eating" I just remember reading Steven Tyler (Aerosmith's lead singer)'s autobiography where he mentions smoking plastic (among many other toxic behaviors) just for kicks. In the absence of DNA programming for mayhem, the human body is amazingly resilient.

OP I'm not sure what to say, except that somehow you have to stop obsessing about appearance/judgment and start appreciating the fact that you are alive and healthy. I'd recommend "magic mushrooms" for this, as Nature's reset button, but it's not for everyone.

Have you tried focusing really hard on everything that is nothing to do with looks? Focus just on what you think and what you want to do/experience - anything from deep stuff like politics, morals and religion to lighter stuff like which countries you want to visitm, which bands you;d love to see live? Reframe life so it's about how you think and what you do, not your looks.

Have you tried chatting back to the voice that is so harsh? If it says, 'What;s the point? lipstick on a pig etc have you tried saying: That's not kind! Don;t talk like that. My looks may not be amazing but that's no reason to be rude. I don;t judge others for how they look, I judge them for how they behave, so please stop attacking me. It doesn't help.

You can also try a version of fake it til you make it. Look at yourself in the mirror and say: I look fine. I may not think or feel or believe I look fine but I do. I do look fine. And what;s more... then list some other good attributes you have, and then end with and on top of all that, I look fine.

You can also try the trick of telling yourself what you like, not judging your looks. Look in the mirror and say: Today I am wearing a big fluffy jumper because I like how soft and cosy it is. Or today I am wearing a blue blouse because I love the colour blue. Etc. Get into the habit of assessing what you wear in terms of what you like not whether you look great in it.

OK, so you're already doing the best you can with what you've got. So there are two possibilities.
One, you are aspiring to a standard of looks that is not achievable for you (and no doubt for almost everyone if you remove filters, good lighting and make up tricks) and need to lower your expectations and be satisfied with looking your personal best. Key to this is to avoid comparing up, especially to artificial images.
Two, you have a false view of your looks and think you look awful when you actually don't. In which case as PP says you need to work on silencing that negative inner voice. If its too intrusive it's definitely worth raising with your health care practitioners.

I recommend micro dosing mushrooms

Hell no. See your GP @AndIWouldHaveGotAwayWithItToo for evidence based help if you want to give it a go.

I did say it's not for everyone.

Against my expectations, it worked for me and sorted out my neuroses.

I think a key factor is that it defuses ego-based illusions, which is what this thread is increasingly sounding like.

As for evidence base, if you look up psilocybin it is increasingly under investigation for its uses in situations like PTSD, fear of death in terminal cancer, etc.

I'm not a hippie druggy maniac, I just can't sit on my hands and not mention this as a possibility, especially as "evidence-based" medicines have some pretty shocking potential side effects such as suicidal ideation.

512 makes a good point @AndIWouldHaveGotAwayWithItToo that you could do stuff like avoid triggering stuff on Instagram if you don't already, stop following influencers that make you feel bad about yourself.

You could also find God/get more into that. Where's the harm? Try and develop a strong holy/wholesome character and try and have what is important as what matters to you. You will know your looks are not what's important and you are someone that seeks the virtues. Decent men will recognize that and be attracted to it, whereas hopefully scum won't stick around. And you will feel better about yourself as a person.

How did your parents treat you? Did they help you to establish high self-esteem in your childhood or not?

Urghhhh who cares? Like, really...why is it we women have such value in looks? Do you really think many men have such angst over their looks? No. Just treat yourself as you would others @AndIWouldHaveGotAwayWithItToo and stop focusing on your looks full stop. Would you be happier blind? Unable to see your face or body? What about if you were scarred with acid? Would it make you uglier? Would you then look at the you from now and want to be that again?
Just see those thoughts as unhelpful and delete them as soon as they arise...delete and move on.

This might be a totally off-the-wall suggestion, and certainly won't suit everyone, but have you thought about wild swimming? The reason I say this is because I've been swimming in rivers for a while now and it's the most accepting and gentle community where you are celebrated for who you are..and it's very body positive. A big advantage too (no pun intended) is that being a bit larger is helpful! if you look up Bluetits chill swimmers, you'll find groups all over the country. It also has the advantage of being free (assuming you live close enough to a swimmable river or the sea). Good luck

BTW... sorry to be be pedantic, but who said anything about microdosing?

I meant a one-off, once-in-a-lifetime experience. I'm sure it will be available on the NHS one day when spiritual sickness is recognised as a thing, like physical or mental illness.

But yes, as I said before, the most obvious solutions currently available to you OP are physical. I don't know how much you move, but if you can find a way of moving that you enjoy, this has a way of sorting everything else out in a rather magical way.

You dont have to pack on the make up to look good, you are who you are, just a light touch of make up, and doing an excercise class will lift you.Just make the best of yourself.And mainly concentrate on how you feel about yourself.Why are looks so important to you? Obviously you have the social media nonsense to deal with and all the filters.But even in my youth (80's) we had magazine covers that were obviously doctored.You will come to a place where you accept yourself, love yourself, but it takes effort.and self love, dont wait though, you will come to a place in life, when you ask yourself, why did I waste so many years worrying about this shit? Ive only got xyz years left? I have wasted my life, get educated, have good friends, a good career and bugger the rest!

The poster immediately before you suggested microdosing.

@sevenbyseven Gosh! so they did! - I never noticed and just assumed the responses were all about me me me me ME!!!!

How extraordinary that two of us in a row recommended the same thing, especially as this is definitely not something I'd normally volunteer on MN.

It's trendy. But that doesn't make it a good idea.