Husband asked me to leave

[mrsjimhopper]

Very sad right now packing a few bits into a carriers.

It's his house so I can't stay. He's holding that over me and He's being really mean. I'm pretty upset. Been a long time coming. I've asked him to be kinder to me as I'm doing what he wants me to do which is leave.

I know I'd deserve better but I don't want to be alone. No children involved - we couldn't have them.

He doesn't know whether he wants to talk to me or not. So I'm Just sat waiting in another room.

Just want a handhold please. I don't knew how I will survive this week.

Mine was a cross post too.

@mrsjimhopper Seek legal advice.

You can get free legal advice. The links are active in my previous post but here again...
Many family solicitors offer a 30-45 minute free consultation.
Some organisations offer free advice from solicitors and barristers rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/ On their FAQs page…”Our Legal Officers and Volunteer legal advisors are all solicitors and barristers”.
Some family solicitors offer an in initial free consultation and some a fixed fee rather than hourly.
Some barristers can be directly instructed e.g., via Clerksroom Direct

This link gives you an indication of hourly rate for solicitors
www.gov.uk/guidance/solicitors-guideline-hourly-rates

OP, its important now that you take control of your life, get angry, get sorted and ensure your rights are protected. You are worth so much more than this man and his disrespect to you is disgusting.

creideamhdóchasgrá has given you excellent advice.

I am going to echo don't leave unless you really can't bear to stay there and do have somewhere to go. Unless you are in physical danger.

Try to record him or get him to email or text something. But don't put yourself in harm's way to do that. Even if you can't get concrete evidence jot things down on a dated page every time anything is said, with as much accuracy as you can, as soon as you can. He is not allowed to change the locks, it will count against him. Others will advise other things you can and should do but the main thing is to get the very good solicitor in the morning.

You might not 'want' any of the property or money. Whether you 'want' the money or not you should not end up homeless and penniless and you will be doing yourself a disservice. But this is of course what he wants from you, for you to think you don't want to or shouldn't push for a decent settlement. But, do.

@creideamhdóchasgrá has given you excellent advice

Another crosspost, I was dithering.

Yep, they have given superb advice which I have bookmarked for future reference. Take it. Don't make rash decisions in the meantime.

OP, I'm glad to see such good advice on this thread.

Have you someone in real life that can support you? I really feel you need to stay there & seek support, and then immediately tomorrow follow up with legal advice.

However I'm worried you'll capitulate & leave.

When I was in an awful situation, the legal consultation I had was transformative; I faced up to the fact I couldn't save the marriage & had to protect myself.

How horrible for you but I wouldn’t just leave right now. Get some advice x

It's still worth doing until the financial settlement is sorted. It stops her ex from selling the propeety and pocketing the preceeds. Why wouldn't op do such a simple thing?

Ok this isn't about what you want right now.your not in a mentally well enough position to think rationally.yiu sound down,beaten and just spent. You haven't the strength to see clearly.
But the future you does want the house,money and share of what s yours. The future you needs you to fight for all you deserve.so she can have what she can to start again.
he does not get to check out,choose a footie match and then fuck you over.NO WAY.
Right now you need to go to somewhere safe if you not staying.prefrably where you'll be looked after.get some food and get some rest. Don't think too much until you have some breath into those lungs again.take it a step at a time.tackle what you can in chunks going forward.yry not yo fesr or predict. This is just the start of your life,it can be anything you dream it to be.

folks need to be sensible with their advice. my friend divorced after 4 yrs- no kids, He contributed far more but they did both sell properties to buy together and his very large contribution was taken into account when they sold so it was a 70/30 split so i can't see how \OP who didn't contribute anything can suggest she is entitled to his property unless she can show she has made a significant change that would increase equity?

Do NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE!
Once you walk out that door it becomes so much harder to negotiate and claim what you are entitled to.

By leaving you are making it easy for him to take liberties- my ex husband tried to do the same, even offered money for me to go.
We’d been married 7 years, no kids.

Nope- I stayed put, all through the pandemic, we didn’t speak, it wasn’t ideal, but I saw the bigger picture, went through mediation and i got enough money for a deposit for my flat.
Also, my ex acted the same as yours- he became a stranger and it was because there was another woman, so don’t assume there’s not one on the scene.

Come on mrsjimhopper get some fire in your belly. He doesn’t want to be with you , fine, but stick up for yourself.
loads of brilliant advice on the thread but remember just because he doesn’t want to be married to you anymore doesn’t mean he can discard you like an old rag. Remind him of that when he eventually does want to speak.
Echoing everyone, if you are safe stay. Tell him that this is where you live 🤷‍♀️

Thank you so much everyone some amazing advice from you all. You are so wonderful

I am calm now.

We have reached a ceasefire. He spoke to me while the football was on. I am staying (which is good as it means I can sort things) and we 'work though things'.

But I realise that he isn't right for me and I can't see that changing (he will still be rude and ignore me )and I will speak with a solicitor tomorrow. We Were very much committed, we fell in love and tried for babies after a few years but we lost three. And ivf was rejected. I moved in after 9 months it was all pretty normal.

I think this tttc and few work stresses are taking its toll.

The house is all so a sticking point as he won't move or see a solicitor about financial terms/ agreements (like a post -nup!)and I feel like I'm living in someone's home, despite all the work done it still isn't as would want it. He didn't want to pay for updates or changes. I sold my house (which was on the market when we met as it wasn't right for me anymore) and after 5 years went part time (stressful job) as the ttc had taken its toll and also to help with running this house. I contribute half the bills (Not mortgsge) and half the food. I have saved money and I was going to pay for kitchen or pay off the end of the mortgage.

Its helpful for me to hear that he can end it and he doesn't have to talk to me about it. I'm just so hopeless and sad I try and fix everything. It I do know that he is controlling and manipulative and sees everything in black and white. I need to lose weight and get my ducks in a row.

I think I might look for job overseas probably Dubai as I can earn a fair whack and save some.

I do feel empowered though I'm going to peak with a friend about it too.

I do feel ashamed and a failure so in need to get rid of those feelings and see this a a better outcome.

I will stay on this thread tonight and then do a name change.

Honestly it’s done and blame the wrong word but does sound a joint effort on problems you are having
I’d just work out what you’ve invested in the house with work you had done evidence it and ask for it back

paying bills wouldn’t bother you’ve lived there
if you put petrol in someone’s car you wouldn’t as for a share in it same with an electric bill and house

Please don’t settle for less then you deserve

In E&W law it's not length of relationship that counts towards time married but length of seamless cohabitation.

OP don't make any hasty decisions because everything hurts and you don't have the mental energy to stand up for whatever you might be entitled to, I know the future seems a long way away right now but believe me once the dust has settled you won't thank yourself for screwing yourself over

Please dontcstsyband continues life of misery though op.
It's not easier
It's not less worry or stress
Staying is eventually worse than any fears of your future could be.
Future is exciting.
Go wherever you want.

Realy good advice and sources here
id add

ADVICE NOW website and guides - £20 ish to download but with solicitors costing £200 ish per hour a very good Investment

these guides are brilliant. Handled all my divorce with these. Written by English solicitors with aim to demystify the process, and reduce solicitors costs- so much you can do yourself. Not sure if Scottish law has similar charity

he can’t throw you out. When he married and signed the registry he gave up sole rights to “own his home” or any of his possessions outright. He’s an idiot to think marriage didn’t change his legal rights

Do not listen to his Empty threats and posturing. He simply doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about,. just keep saying, whenever he challenges you to move out “we are married and all assets are considered in law to be marriageable shared assets. Including this house. So it is my house as well. If you don’t believe me feel free to go to a solicitor to confirm. When you are acting sensibly and reasonably we can both decide how to proceed with the divorce and split assets in accordance with the law “

the law may not give you 50:50 . That’s a common misapprehension. However there are 10 or so criteria the courts use to decide how assets are split. As previous posters have said you will both HAVE to do a legal financial declaration on a Form E /D81 . He doesn’t get an option. Then he can slug it out the hard way at £200 an hour via solicitors for everything. Or he can engage his brain and curb his temper and work it out with you to reach something that will meet the 10 criteria and get a consent order at minimal legal costs.

He might have rights to some of your savings

It’s frustrating that people come on here saying op is entitled to 50% of everything
shes not
shes entitled to a fair share - which could be substantially less and after only 4 years of marriage, albeit another 3 together ) and important no children, it’s quite possible she leaves with whet she brought to the marriage in terms of assets

of course, absolutely see a solicitor and ensure you do receive a fair settlement - a solicitor will guide you, but there’s no automatic 50%

Ah you are also amazing! You are cheering me right up.

Yes to the poster who said I was down trodden- but I'm not I'm wonderful, caring funny and love lots of stuff so I'm good fun to be with.

Future me does want what I'm entitled to. He will fight dirty though where as I wouldn't and he is more wily than me.

I out earned him until I went part time and he got a new job (which I helped write wrote the application for) Roughly just above uk average earnings.

Some of these responses, goodness, she’s not entitled to his house, this is a very short marriage and no, how long they were dating isn’t included/

op do you work, can you financially support yourself?

I definitely won't screw my self over and will get good legal advice and get what I am entitled to be that something or nothing.

I doubt he will be entitled to my savings as that would leave me destitute. Even if he was I'm sure he wouldn't do that well I can hope he wouldn't. I've asked about OW he says no. I believe him but what Proof do I have?

The point is she will be entitled to not being thrown out the house right now

and she will be entitled to something of “his” (theirs actually) assets - the section 25 or whatever number it is, lists the 10 or so criteria the courts use to determine “fair settlement” . One of the most important of these is to ensure both parties have as much provision as possible to secure a roof over their heads. Sure, she may not be able to afford to buy, but having her fair division of matrimonial assets should allow her to pay deposit and secure a rental property for herself. The courts and law prioritises that as no government wants to pick up bill of housing homeless women screwed over by ex husbands who are financially abusing them, curiously enough

So mirror him.fight fire with fire! How would you help your best friend,some one you love going through this.there you go you ARE that person.love yourself enough to get shit done. Your the boss now.your in charge of how your future goes.fuck him.you don't needs to fight dirty in a separation.the fact you no he will shows all u need to no.
Be separate in the house.cook.clean.sleep.commune separately.

If this was my best friend I'd be disgusted with her partner!