What's the honeymoon period like if you're in your 40s or 50s?

[FatAntelope]

I'm pending divorce. And just wondering what the beginning of a relationship is like when you're passed your peak physical appearance?

Is the beginning of the relationship still all loved up and all about sex?

If it's not...that's not a bad thing as it will probably make me trust the relationship more but just wondered if the loved up feeling manages to override the fact that neither of our bodies will be as sexy as they used to be.

Mid 50's, four years and still going strong. Thought my sex life was over due to nasty divorce/menopause but my body woke up raring to go and still is!

It's interesting a lot posters on here had rubbish sex lives for years and years (why did you all out up with it?) then found better suited partners afterwards? It's like a mid life crisis trope!

Interesting point. I think it is because many people stay in stale marriages for many reasons and once sex goes off the boil it really does and that becomes a high priority with the next relationship.

My first DH was an excellent potential father and husband. My DP now, I wouldn't have got involved with. He was a renegade. However, reality is I am much better suited to the renegade but he would have a bit a shit person to share small child responsibilities with ( as he was never in the country for a start, always away for months with work).

Thanks for replying.

So, is it that the first partners are sort of "used" for their ability to provide and be 'fathers' then?

Obviously, I have no idea why others relationships have broken down but if you have narrative i do match it, to a point. Though marriages fail for many reasons.

I also spoke to my exDH about the fact that I was concerned about our sex lives before we married and he talked me around and said I needed stability and I then agreed.

Time and resentment broke us up. He couldn't do intimacy though he is a good man. We were married 17 years, so not a flash in the pan.

This, the first response nails it for me. Same.

I got married again at 40, it was all sex and love. Divorced in my 50's.
I'm 60 now and during my 50's and 60th year I just can't be bothered any more, I want to be left alone and not mauled.
But generally I find nobody cares what your body looks like if you present a confident front and they are getting sex.

I want to address this and your other question in one.
I put up with the sexless marriage it because he blamed it on me, that I'd let myself go after having children and he resented me for him being married and a father.

So, being the naive/trusting woman that I was, I saw his complaints as things for me to fix, not for him to address.

Oh and it's interesting because I out earn him now, despite no discernible career path until 4 years after we met (red flags much?!) Followed by 5 years of disruption due to mat leave/mental breakdown, divorce.

He is a lazy Co-parent and lazy shit in general. When we did have sex it was lazy and detached. We didn't kiss, he kept his eyes shut, no cuddling, ugh horrible

Now I'm stuck because I want to live agin and recapture my lost youth but am finding it almost impossible to know where to start, to accept my self.

These stories give me hope

My DP's marriage broke down because he got married at 23 and changed so that in his mid 30's he felt trapped and bored with their life and left her after a a couple years trying to address it.

For me and perhaps for many women, I had really bad sex most of my twenties, so the mediocre sex I had with my ex DH seemed good enough in comparison. As years passed though, our incompatibility in that area became increasingly apparent. I mostly ignored it among all the other problems. But only now that I'm having really great sex with a man I seriously fancy (never did with my ex DH), do I realise what I was missing.

I believe the rubbish sex lives come from the reality of having children and all the differences that makes plus familiarity. You get stuck in that life.