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Relationships

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Original poster

Wedding band as engagement ring.

71 replies

msw1e16 · 01/11/2022 19:21

Hi my partner proposed to me with a wedding band rather then an engagement ring. He wanted it to go with a ring I had from my grandmother.
I love the ring, I am worried what others will think ( not that this should really matter)
Also we spoke about not wanting a wedding, he knew thus before asking me, as we said we would rather spend that money if we were lucky enough to have a family soon.

As well as worried that I didn't get a traditional engagement ring I'm worried that my partner spent money on a ring we could have used for savings of we aren't planning to have a wedding.

One day we may have a very simple wedding as i would love to have the same last name as my partner.

My partner is planning /wanting a ring himself to wear which I thought was incredibly sweet and romantic.

Please just ease my worries about the mo ey spent and the type of ring he used

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 01/11/2022 19:26

Does he still want an actual marriage ceremony just not a 'wedding' wedding?!

Homewardbound2022 · 01/11/2022 19:31

A friend of mine decided herself that she didn't want an engagement ring, for similar reasons to you. Her wedding ring is plain yellow gold and has a couple of small diamonds in it. Not a single comment from anyone and why should there be?

Original poster

msw1e16 · 01/11/2022 19:41

@MichelleScarn I think one day we may have a ceremony then a simple celebration but at the moment we are both happy and are both ready for the next stage we have been together for 8 years. We love the idea I'd a marriage rather then a wedding

OP posts:

DizSquiz10 · 01/11/2022 19:43

I don't know if I'm interpreting the post right; but sounds fine.

jewishmum · 01/11/2022 19:43

I didn't have an engagement ring, just a wedding ring. When you get married, you can use the same ring. It doesn't need to be a new or another ring.

SirMoose · 01/11/2022 19:45

I’m not sure I understand what the problem is?

Eggygirl · 01/11/2022 19:48

I wouldn't care bout what other people thought. If you're happy with the rings you have, then that's all that matters OP.
You can have a simple, intimate ceremony if and when you want, whilst always concentrating on having the marriage you want right now. Congratulations and good luck for the future

Original poster

msw1e16 · 01/11/2022 19:54

@SirMoose there's not a problem I'm just a worrier and overthinker.
I love the ring but was worried others thoughts about it being a wedding band apposed to an engagement ring.

I am worried that my partners money foukd have been spent on savings instead if we have both decided that we do want to marry but not in any rush. We are currently trying to safe for a house.

OP posts:

Thingsdogetbetter · 01/11/2022 19:54

I have a white gold band with a teeny tiny embedded ruby as my engagement ring. Without a upclose look it seems a plain silver band. I choose the style and I love it. Sod what other people think. I do not like raised diamond tradition engagement rings and would have worried now dh didn't know me at all if he presented me with one.

I think it was incredibly thoughtful he considered your grandmother's ring. So much more romantic than buying a big expensive flashy ring that a jeweler talked him into. ♥

GingerbreadPanda · 01/11/2022 19:54

Wedding rings are a lot cheaper than engagement rings (generally).

My concern would be that he's trying to skip the marrying you part whilst giving the appearance of being married to you and everyone else. The wedding isn't important, the legal side is. I don't care if people marry or not before children, but it should be an active choice. Will you be happy if 'one day' never comes, in terms of being married (the wedding part you seem on the same page)?

picklemewalnuts · 01/11/2022 19:55

Before you have children, write wills and sort out where you live and how your finances will work.

Or get married in a registry office, no fuss, no outfit, very little money which will sort some of the above out.

Do not have dc before you sort it out.

msw1e16 · 01/11/2022 19:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

picklemewalnuts · 01/11/2022 20:00

It's gorgeous. Try not to worry about the money. The amount needed for a house is unlikely to be dented by a ring.

Focus on the important stuff, your security.

Eggygirl · 01/11/2022 20:01

It's beautiful OP

honeylulu · 01/11/2022 20:03

The ring is lovely. Can't see any problem with that!

But why are you "engaged" if you're not planning to marry save for a vague idea that one day eventually you might have a simple ceremony. Being engaged means "engaged to be married". You don't need a flash wedding just a register office marriage or civil ceremony.

If by ready for the next stage you mean having a baby fgs get married first unless you are independently wealthy.

SirMoose · 01/11/2022 20:21

Our wedding cost about £130 in a registry office! Two witnesses and done.

MissPiggysPinkDress · 01/11/2022 20:58

I’m confused, you said he gave you a ring that was your grandmothers, and are also worrying about the money he spent?

SandyY2K · 01/11/2022 21:12

So to look at it, people would think you're married.

This is an engagement ring, but it doesn't sound like there is actually a serious plan to get married ...After 8 years together you get a proposal with no imminent plan to get married.

I don't see the point.... but if you're personally happy... that's great.

StrictlyJowita · 01/11/2022 21:18

Also we spoke about not wanting a wedding,

so you are not engaged at all then.

I agree withn@GingerbreadPanda. To me it looks like he's trying to not marry you by stealth. Which is fine as long as you are fully aware of the implications of that with particular regard to the financial implications.

Original poster

msw1e16 · 01/11/2022 21:28

We do want to get married but don't want to have the wedding day. We would rather spend that money on memories with our future family

OP posts:

Blutenblatt · 01/11/2022 22:05

It’s actually super common in European countries to get engaged with a band type ring rather than a conventional ‘engagement ring’ so I wouldn’t worry at all OP. I suspect most people would assume either this or that you were already married. (DH is German and was surprised when I showed him the rings I liked and they weren’t a band!)

As for the money, savings will always need to be dipped into for one thing or another, as is life. I’d look at it as a lovely symbol of your future.

knittingaddict · 01/11/2022 22:05

It sounds to me that he (and maybe you too) want to pretend that you are married without actually being married.

knittingaddict · 01/11/2022 22:06

StrictlyJowita · 01/11/2022 21:18

Also we spoke about not wanting a wedding,

so you are not engaged at all then.

This was my reading of the situation too.

knittingaddict · 01/11/2022 22:07

GingerbreadPanda · 01/11/2022 19:54

Wedding rings are a lot cheaper than engagement rings (generally).

Agree with this too.

BlueBar · 01/11/2022 22:09

Hang on, so there are no real plans to get married, but you'll be wearing a wedding ring...?

I don't think it matters what your engagement ring looks like or if you don't have one at all, but getting engaged with no plans to marry makes no sense and having you wear a wedding ring seems a bit of a cake and eat it situation for him.

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