Perspective on new boyfriend and his behaviour towards me

[Adviceplease35]

I’ve been seeing my new boyfriend for 5 months now. All was going so well, he was fun, caring, kind and I felt he was very much into me.
about a month ago we got into a discussion about when we first started dating. When we met I was very open about dating other people, not looking for anything serious etc, as time went on this changed and for the past 5 months we have been exclusively dating one another. Anyway he said he understood that I had been dating someone else for a few weeks but he then asked specifics dates/ what we did etc. in all honesty I only had 1 date with this other guy that overlapped with my current boyfriend before telling him I wasn’t interested. He is annoyed that I didn’t tell him the specific dates I went on at the time (one date).
this conversation has changed the whole dynamic of our relationship. He said I’ve disrespected him and his guard is now up and he doesn’t know if it will go back to how it was.
Initially I was very upset, I didn’t want anything to change with us but we time as went I’m getting a bit fed up with how things are. The affection he showed me is more or less gone, he doesn’t ring me anymore, he makes plans with other people over me. This is never how he was. While I understand he is upset and I’ve brought this up to him again, he’s told me to ‘act normal’ and everything will be ok. I don’t feel ok? In fact I feel unhappy. I don’t know what to do.

he’s told me to ‘act normal’ and everything will be ok.

This is very very bad.

Run! It will not get any better. Don’t ignore the red flags like I did xx

Agree with PPs - this is how abuse begins. Walk away.

Exactly this.
Hes setting the relationship up for his nasty behaviours to become the norm.

You really really need to get rid, you are worth so much more than this

I agree. He’s testing the water. It can only get worse. The “disrespect” comment would be unnerving for me - it’s a classic abusive concept.

This one needs to get in the bin, OP. Life is too short to be in relationships with people like this.

Disrespected him?
I'd laugh in his face and tell him he's not
The Godfather.
What a prick.

Thanks for all your replies. Glad to see I’m on the same page as you all. I’ve been thinking to myself all day “what am I getting out of this relationship” and to be honest it’s just a headache at the minute. I’ve had a 10 year marriage that ended awfully so I am now only looking for things that make me happy and this isn’t one of them so I probably will cut him loose. I will try and have another conversation with him again possibly and tell him I’m not happy and I know he’s upset but I don’t think it warrants 5 weeks of this behaviour. If he bucks up his ideas well and good or else I will be gone

It certainly is.

He is demanding that you behave in a certain way in order to appease him.

Run like the wind, love. He is seriously bad news.

fuck him off

This is your Shark cage getting tested.

He's telling you that he knows you didn't cheat - but that to him it feels like you did and clearly he's treating you like you did - but you didn't!! He is literally punishing you for something that you did not do.

The test is that if you run to him now you are a perfect target for more abusive behaviour in the future. If you tell him to to go fuck himself and sling his hook then he likely will end it if you don't - but that's only because he is deep down a controlling or abusive person and you are too assertive for him.

The thing is though, if he 'bucks up his ideas' it'll just be a case of him thinking 'oh, that didn't work so I'll need to be more subtle and ease into abuse'.

I mean there's no excuse for his behaviour op. No sane person takes a huff at someone for the reason he has given. Let alone stays in a relationship with them and punishes them. That's not an emotionally healthy individual. It's someone who is malignant.

Asking him to buck up his ideas will only get him to put his mask back on for a little while. But if you spray dog shit gold, it's still dog shit.

Run! He’s a red flag parade! The talk of disrespect and cheating is very worrying not to mention the freezing you out.

Just a thought but, it's also possible he recently cheated on you and so is trying to waylaythe guilt by making out that you cheated first.

He managed to keep up his nice guy act for precisely four months. For a full fifth of your relationship he’s been a shit boyfriend and treating you badly. This is who he is. Find someone better.

Please listen to the advice you're getting, and cut this guy loose.

He is deliberately putting you on the back foot, so you'll run round being extra nice, apologising, justifying yourself - basically so he has the control and you feel like you've done something wrong.

And for what, something he feels in his head that has no basis in reality.

This leads to you being responsible for his feelings, no matter how irrational or misplaced.
This leads to things like, you being "caught out" for smiling at someone, or looking at someone the wrong way in his head, or someone smiling at you, looking at you.
This leads to you being emotionally abused.

If you tell him he's dumped now, he'll probably try to persuade you back, say it's his insecurity because you're so special, or he's been so hurt before, some shit like that. Don't fall for it.

Just ditch the fucker. The red flags are right here.Act on them.

Exactly

this him creating the environment where you need to be forever sorry and grateful he puts up with you.

Sadly, I’ve been there , done that and it totally fucks with you.

bin him. You’re better than this.

More red flags than a communist parade !

Throw this one back in to the sea, he’s no catch.

It’s way more than a bit OTT.
He is storing up his grudges to use against you. Stay with him and you’ll get this thrown at you every time you have a disagreement. Then you’ll walk around on eggshells so he doesn’t get upset. But he likes having control over you so he’ll pick rows and “ look what you made me do”
It’sa well known script he’s following, throw him back.

Throw him back in the sea.
You can, and will do better

It s an excuse so that he can ditch you. Plenty of nicer men out there !

It’s funny because he does actually want to still see me a few times a week but the vibe has definitely changed and it’s not the relationship I thought I had. I tried to explain that to him that the reason I was with him was because of how good we were and how great our relationship felt but that that has changed and how he is treating me has changed and he said well what can we do. I said we can either try to get back on track or break up. He seemed to really worry then that I was going to end it so it doesn’t seem to me that he wants to end it with me

🚩Run Forrest run!

He might not want to end it with you but he’s been happy to treat you like shit for 20% of a 5 month relationship. It’s not about bucking his ideas up. It’s about thinking it was okay to behave like this in the first place. You say yourself you had a bad time at the end of your previous relationship. This is not a man you’re going to heal with. End it. Spend some time single.

Of course he doesn't want to end it with you.
This whole 'you've done something to hurt me' is just an act to control you. He doesn't want to break up. He wants to break YOU.