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Original poster

Don’t want to attend friend’s funeral due to drama

53 replies

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:22

I’ve got a funeral to go to this month. The man involved has died just before a l milestone birthday of an alcohol related disease.

He knew my DB and was his best friend (with 2 other best friends) in his teens/early to mid twenties but they lost touch over time and 2 of them have moved abroad. I caught up with this man and other mutual friends about 7-8 years ago at a local restaurant but my brother didn’t go.

My brother’s ex-SO when he was that she was at the meal and will be at the funeral along with my ex best friend from childhood who dated this man in our early to mid 20s. My ex best friend I cut contact with in my mid 20s but we are sort of in contact now. My brother’s teenage girlfriend and another ex best friend of mine (we broke our friendship at 40, but she was always dramatic and still likes drama).

I saw DB today and he said he probably wouldn’t go to the funeral due to people from the past (mostly both his exes!) and I’m thinking along the same lines! I don’t want to open up old wounds, don’t trust them not to cause drama and certainly don’t want to go to a wake afterwards with them! I last saw this friend in the street when he visited my local area to see his dad for his birthday and we had the odd message on FB but nothing else.

Has anyone got any experience of this? Views?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 31/10/2022 19:27

Why do you feel you have to go to this funeral? I am Irish and go to many funerals but even I don't go to my brother's ex friend who I met in a restaurant funeral. Just because you know a person does not mean you need to go to their funeral. Sorry but your post is odd

QuietOne80 · 31/10/2022 19:27

Just don’t go.

A580Hojas · 31/10/2022 19:31

Too much waffle to read through. Were you close to this person? If not don't go.

AutumnsCrow · 31/10/2022 19:33

You don't have to go, no.

Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:37

purplecorkheart · 31/10/2022 19:27

Why do you feel you have to go to this funeral? I am Irish and go to many funerals but even I don't go to my brother's ex friend who I met in a restaurant funeral. Just because you know a person does not mean you need to go to their funeral. Sorry but your post is odd

Why is it odd?!

his best mate who I know asked me if I was going and so did my brother’s ex who I know and saw this year for a day out.

OP posts:
Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:37

A580Hojas · 31/10/2022 19:31

Too much waffle to read through. Were you close to this person? If not don't go.

Yeah cheers for that, I know I waffled.

I’m not going.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 31/10/2022 19:39

If you wanted to you could just go for the service and slip away quietly as soon as it had finished.

Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:40

rookiemere · 31/10/2022 19:39

If you wanted to you could just go for the service and slip away quietly as soon as it had finished.

Yeah I could do. It’s local.

i’d be going for his family and best friends if I did go. The one who asked me to go we were fairly close on FB.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 31/10/2022 19:40

I would pay your respects to the deceased in a different way, if you're worried about drama.

Ive stayed away from funerals before and felt fine just going into a church or going to where the person is buried/ashes scattered and had a quiet moment on my own, celebrating the person's life when they were in their prime.

no drama, no hassle, very healing and positive.

mumda · 31/10/2022 19:40

Funerals aren't about you. Unless you're inside the box at the front.

Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:41

Can’t believe how bloody rude some MNers are just because I ask a simple question. I’ll fuck off then yeah?!

OP posts:
Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:42

mumda · 31/10/2022 19:40

Funerals aren't about you. Unless you're inside the box at the front.

I know that! I just don’t trust the people attending to not cause a scene. They may be ok, they may not.

OP posts:
Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:43

daisychain01 · 31/10/2022 19:40

I would pay your respects to the deceased in a different way, if you're worried about drama.

Ive stayed away from funerals before and felt fine just going into a church or going to where the person is buried/ashes scattered and had a quiet moment on my own, celebrating the person's life when they were in their prime.

no drama, no hassle, very healing and positive.

Thanks think me and DB will do that.

we’ve both moved on with our lives and a lot of these haven’t or have in a certain way. Partly why 2 of them moved abroad…!

OP posts:
mellicauli · 31/10/2022 19:44

Most funerals post covid have an online option. If you felt you wanted to pay your respects but avoid potential drama, that would be an option? If anyone asks just say you were coughing a bit and you didn't want to risk it..

Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 19:46

mellicauli · 31/10/2022 19:44

Most funerals post covid have an online option. If you felt you wanted to pay your respects but avoid potential drama, that would be an option? If anyone asks just say you were coughing a bit and you didn't want to risk it..

Actually that’s a good idea! Zoom option, my boss has just had covid too!

OP posts:
HelloDaisy · 31/10/2022 20:10

Zoom would be a good idea. Otherwise go to the service, sit at the back, slip out at the end and go home. Perhaps go back to the church or wherever he’s buried/cremated at a later date with db to pay your respects to him and have a quiet moment then to think about him.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/10/2022 20:38

I went to a funeral a few weeks ago and all anyone could talk about was that the deceased’s ex-friend’s sister who hadn’t seen him in eight years hadn’t turned up.

DesMoulinsRouge · 31/10/2022 20:52

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/10/2022 20:38

I went to a funeral a few weeks ago and all anyone could talk about was that the deceased’s ex-friend’s sister who hadn’t seen him in eight years hadn’t turned up.

Grin
EmmaDilemma5 · 31/10/2022 20:59

It sounds like he was an acquaintance, not a friend. On that basis, I wouldn't go.

Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 21:02

EmmaDilemma5 · 31/10/2022 20:59

It sounds like he was an acquaintance, not a friend. On that basis, I wouldn't go.

He was a friend but was more my brother’s friend than mine.

He was the pub friend, the kind who used to come round our house as teenagers. And then when he dated my best friend I saw him lots more then.

I’m going to see if it’s on zoom but otherwise I don’t think I’ll go.

OP posts:
Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 21:03

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/10/2022 20:38

I went to a funeral a few weeks ago and all anyone could talk about was that the deceased’s ex-friend’s sister who hadn’t seen him in eight years hadn’t turned up.

Is this true or are you taking the piss? If so just fuck off ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 21:06

I know it sounds weird to some people because he wasn’t a close friend of mine…

But I’d always say hello and chat if I saw him, went to a reunion meal where he was, and he died a tragic death, far too young. It’s very sad.

He was my best mate’s boyfriend for
2-3 years so I saw him a bit then.

OP posts:
AutumnsCrow · 31/10/2022 21:09

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 21:03

Is this true or are you taking the piss? If so just fuck off ok?

Show quote history

I'm no Lee Mack, but that might not in fact be true

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 31/10/2022 21:30

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/10/2022 21:03

Is this true or are you taking the piss? If so just fuck off ok?

Show quote history

I can’t imagine how people go eight years at a time without seeing you…

Jewel7 · 31/10/2022 22:33

Personally I avoid drama. I heard an old friend died but knew an ex of mine plus his friends would be there. I decided against it. I thought of him. Maybe light a candle of do something with your brother?

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