Get over someone you can't have

[kaymc3]

How do you get over someone you can't have?? Recently I have developed really big feelings for a guy I know. We speak often but just about music, tv shows etc. He is married so would never dream of crossing the line/telling him how I feel.
But how do I get over this insane crush?? Almost an obsession. I think about him all the time and am getting really down about the fact I feel this way but can't have him.
Any tips? I feel constantly heartbroken xx

Just think, if he did reciprocate, that automatically makes him a piece of shit. Which is a turn off. So it's better this way.

I would genuinely lose respect for a guy if I fancied him but he was married and he cracked onto me.

I'm not sure the guys always know but for some people shame and humiliation does the trick.

A serious crush is crippling actually. Totally not fun. I had to cut contact completely.
A smaller crush was previously squashed successfully just by spending time with them and seeing their annoying little habits. I basically gave myself the butterflies but idolising them too much. When you see them for who they really are you usually snap of it.
Do not feed the day dreams or encourage it with listening to or looking at reminders of him and.... if you're single consider dating. If you're taken and want to stay so focus on doing fun things with your partner.

I've never tried this but you could write a letter to him and then burn it?

Doesn't negate the fact that a woman's right to consent with full disclosure has been taken from her though.

I'm a time where consent is all I find this sort if argument bizarre!

Honestly, if he cheats with you he will cheat on you. It will be his modus operandi every time things get a bit stale or he feels a bit neglected. Some men (and women) just always love the thrill of the chase!

Look, I do not care what deluded notions ow have for lack of concience, believing the tripe men speak of when infatuated or the financial benefits of a single ow proving she's Miss Capability.

Some maried women do not want to share the actual body of a man with a third party.

Would you expect to share everthing in your life, without consent, no I don't think so.

We are not asking for you not to be deluded @girl71 just don't expect others to be happy with it.

Ow will never be looked upon as an inspiration for good behaviour, no matter how much you have deluded yourself.
You have a life full of secrets and lies.

I don’t think it’s completely true that you can’t help what you feel. Maybe that initial spark of attraction - but for feelings to grow you have to feed them. Thinking about the person, spending time with them, learning about them. Nourishing feelings. Stop doing that and dial down the friendship completely. Spend more time with other people or on your own projects. When you find yourself feeding feelings by thinking or fantasising about him - get busy doing something else.

If the MM knows his wife wouldn't consent to sex if she knew he's got an OW, he's a rapist. And if you're the OW, you're now fucking a man who doesn't give a shit about informed, enthusiastic consent.

Condoms don't fix that.

I'm one of the women who blames the MM entirely. But that doesn't mean someone who chooses to fuck men who are married with oblivious wives aren't a bit gross and pathetic. I mean you're sleeping with a total arsehole, how great can you feel about that?

No one with any sense would encourage someone to become an OW. All this big talk of independent women doing what makes them happy is very naive. The reality is, for most OW, it's a hard path to walk.
All well and good in the early days, buoyed up with a sense of your own importance because he's betrayjng his wife because of you and how much he desires you. When you're conspirators/star crossed lovers/you're getting the best of him without the tedium. When you think you've got one over on some other woman, so obviously you're cleverer, sexier, cooler than she.
But, unless you are exceptionally deluded, or have very low self worth, eventually you'll be likely to catch on to how very short changed you're being, and maybe find the spirit to get a little bit resentful at being used by a man who feels entitled to more than he deserves.
If by this time you've also developed some feelings for him, well, buckle up, because it really will be a rough ride.
I've yet to meet a man worth it, and can't imagine why any woman (other than maybe one with literally no other options) would knowingly put herself through it.

Ahhh I see @girl71 is actually assisting a man remove the right to safe sexual consent with full disclosure from his wife right now.

What a peach!

The right to consent is important if your edgy and the other woman but the rights of pesky wife are just irritating when you want to get your good feels!

GRIM!

Not specifically about the OP's situation, but this isn't true. I was a serial cheat until I met my current partner. I'd rather poke my eyeballs out than cheat on him. We have been together for a long time, so there's no novelty value about him.

@CottonGoods oh that's interesting! was he aware of your previous cheating and when you say long term do you mind saying how many years?

Not true for you doesn't negate the thousands it is true for. Because its not just about finding that special person you wouldn't cheat on, it's about whether you're the sort of person who can happily cope with 'overlapping' relationships, is comfortable lying, prefers to run relationships in tandem rather than make clean breaks, can ignore niggles of conscience and so on.
The ability to do that repeatedly denotes a personality type, and unless the person has undergone serious change at a fundamental level, they remain a higher risk for future cheating.

@Crazypaving22 . I agree and accept that. In my case, i practice safe sex ,to primarily protect myself.

I think the issue here is the husbands responsibility. There is a lot of focus on the Op or the OW but ultimately, surely it is the married mans responsibility to protect his own wife's sexual health? Actually , both sexes cheat, so should a cheating wife share her infidelities? I know a good few of them too.

I also know some married women who have engaged with same sex relationship's while married, with other married women. Should their husbands be informed of that?

Just nonsense to expect that affair partners will share what they are doing, for many reasons,mainly financial or child related. In most cases people are stuck largely due to financial and children involved , and that, is why affairs happen. I know some will say oh yes, he is still sleeping with his wife, usually he isn't or only every 4th Tues. but, you'll sleep with him every Tues and you have kids, work full time , manage the mental load and are exhausted.. but , you still find the time and energy to have sex with him. Because, you fancy him. You want him and you look forward to him.

The double standards here, shocking. Be happy OP .

What's with this just use condom stupidity? There are diseases not prevented by condoms.

@girl71 What double standards? Cheating is cheating and is understood by most people with average iq to include with same sex. The mental gymnastics to justify affairs are ridiculous but whatever gets you to sleep at night. and Id say the same if it were boy71.

@girl71 it's interesting that you say that affairs happen because men are 'stuck' ie if they weren't forced to remain with their wives they'd leave. Also that you seem inclined to believe that there is limited sex with the primary partner.
These are very much the old chestnuts men have been fobbing OW off with for years.
You present as a strong woman doing it for herself, in full knowledge, nobody's fool, which seems a bit at odds with swallowing the cheating man's kool Aid.

The double standards here, shocking. Be happy OP

Op, please don't listen to this poster, she is currently in the throws of an early entanglement with a mm.
Her other thread was essentially the magna carter for a cheat to absolve themselves of guilt and concience.
She is on a crusade of enlisting women to think it's perfectly acceptable, so she's not lonely on these boards. She has mentionitis and at present hasn't thought about her future.
I think @girl71 is going to get hurt and I believe she is deluding herself on how much she actually likes this mm.

She believes she is in control, with her emotions, with her money and her reputation.

@girl71 what double standards? Seriously, I don't think you understand at all about enthusiastic consent, you keep harping on about STDs and condoms. And consent applies whatever the gender or sexual orientation of the couple, cheating IS cheating and does rip consent from the betrayed WHATEVER the circumstances! Ergo NO double standards!

The OP has developed feelings for a MM she not having an affair with him.

Even though I have experience of MM would never encourage her to start something.

Some of you are taking this too far in your responses.

steal their husband???

Uh helloooo, last time I checked it was perfectly valid, not bitter, to have concerns about some unscrupulous cow sniffing round. Talk about victim blaming.

@daisychain01

How do you know it's the OW sniffing around the man chases the OW and lies and breaks some women down.

If you have to think it's the OW all the time going after the man and that he gets a spell on him and it the witch OW fault for him falling into bed . Your crazy.

14 years.

He doesn't know about my previous cheating, as it isn't relevant to our relationship. I don't know what he got up to before we met, either. But we are both of an age where we don't need to pick over the bones of past relationships. We're both concerned only with the here and now.

These are all fair points. However, I don't subscribe to the 'once a cheat, always a cheat' school of thought.

"@Crazypaving22 you keep harping on about STDs".

I never once harped on about STD's. I stated i myself practice safe sex practice's, by using condoms. Please do not attribute comments that i have not said.

'i practice safe sex ,to primarily protect myself.'

I guess I thought safe sex was about STDs but clearly not according to you @girl71

But none of it is any response to 'right to consent'... which you avoid!

No and neither do I. I think people can cheat as a one off out of character event due to external circumstances and never repeat it. I also think people can 'be' cheats then make fundamental change to themselves, review their values etc and 'reform'. My point is, for the latter group its rare it happens after maybe their mid 20s.