@ScarlettMcCain thank you. The divorce is proving to be a nightmare. He’s fighting me on everything even asking for full custody of the unborn child. Those were his words to the family judge It’s crazy and I wonder why can’t people see through his craziness?
After 5 years of telling me am crazy I just said stop. The irony is that for nearly 2 years I’ve being going to my gp crying and he’s always advised me the same thing: leave it will only get worse. 6 months ago said gp offered me talking therapy with a psychiatric nurse at the practice( we live in the Netherlands so system is different) same advice: you need to leave.
a week before I left when my exh knew I wasn’t changing my mind he went to the psychiatric nurse and said I was displaying signs of paranoid psychosis directed at him. She then convinced gp to refer me to psychiatrist. I didn’t read the referral letter and good a thing as I wouldn’t have gone had I read why I was being referred . I went only once and after 5 mins I was told” well we see many women like you, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are simply in an abusive relationship and you don’t know it.” They’ve have now referred me to an organisation that deals with victims of all forms of domestic violence. I will be offered help with trauma.
the irony of this all is that I presented my psychology evaluation as part of evidence in court where it stated about 6 times that there’s no evidence of psychiatric or psychological problems with me rather that I’ve being in a mental emotional and financially abusive relationship.
Said exh stood in front of the judge with all the chutzpah in the world and said I manipulated the professionals who saw me and that I am a smooth talker capable of manipulating even the judge himself.
He has zero self-awareness.
Always blaming me. He often will say when yet again he messes our lives up “I fail because you want me to fail”
My reply would always be ” you ascribe so much power to me I might as well command it to rain and it will rain”
The lack of interest or attention in is daughter is the most painful thing for me and yet here he is fighting for 50/50 just to get back at me.
I am so exhausted but I’ve learnt a couple of things.
I have totally disengaged from him. Communication only about dd and only via email.
He used me as his dopamine fix(it’s a real thing with adhd brains) arguing for no reason, looking for a fight etc. hence my disengagement.
I survived for a long while by gray rocking but in the long run when little children are involved it’s not sustainable.
I firmly believe that it is healthier to be alone rather than subject your kids and yourself to a toxic environment.
Is it hard? Very. We are currently in a 2bed flat in a shelter in an old building without lift and we’re on the third floor. It is brutal. Sometimes my dd climbs up the stair using both her hands and feet. I can’t carry her plus shopping plus a protruding belly.
This week we will here the court’s decision as to who gets the house and children. I pray for a positive outcome. My lawyer says I have the upper hand but he’s instilled so much fear and anxiety in me I doubt everything.
am looking forward to finding myself again when this all ends.
many people say am a “super woman”. Am not. Yes am resilient and tough skinned but even constant dripping of water wears away the hardest of rocks.