Split after 20 years - nothing but half the house - really?

[WeaponisingIncompetence]

I've been in a relationship for 20 plus years and have recently left because it was intolerable. But that is for another thread. We have a 13 yo son and I was always primary carer - SAHM until he started nursery at nearly 3 then changed my work so I could take him to and pick up from school. Also only working during term times so was at home for all school holidays and half terms.

We own the house 50% 50% so I feel secure with that but am borrowing money from family for rent until I can access this money. I am now in my late 50s and though I have my own business I have a very low income with no prospect of that changing much. Meanwhile he is in the high tax bracket (as he was able to grow his career) though I don't know how much because he never thought this was my business. He bought other properties for 'our' pension... I have no pension and no other assets. He will continue being a high earner. Our agreed 'temporary' arrangement is that we have custody 50/50 (week on, week off) even though he works normal hours and sometimes leaves our son on his own from after school. I only have evidence of this twice but I think it's now all the time. At first he was leaving work early everyday but he couldn't sustain this. My son doesn't talk about my ex to me and I won't ask him to. I presume it goes the other way too.

I believe our son would be better off primarily with me and desperately want him with me but he will not want to choose and my ex would never want to be seen as a part time Dad. Not good for his view of himself. I'm not sure how I am going to fight this or if I can/want to put my son through that...?

I believe and have it from a good solicitor that I am not entitled to anything other than half the house as we were never married. Here's my question...Does anyone have any experience of this NOT being the case? My friends have encouraged me to ask here and say I need to try and get more than just the house! The initial solicitors advice may have been because I said I didn't WANT anything else, but reality is hitting. Thank you for any help!

Nope because there's no legal basis for you to be entitled to anything else without marriage.

I have my own business I have a very low income with no prospect of that changing much.
Is that sustainable then? Can you change jobs to get more income?

At 13 your son should probably be ok home alone?

Are you claiming child maintenance? Single persons council tax discount? Child benefit? Universal credit?

sadly I don’t think you have a claim on any of his assets if you are not named on them

But you can claim those other benefits

If you were in your 40s when you had your son surely you had a decent pension provision from 25 years of working?

Only in marriage do you get a divorce settlement. While just partners then the law sees you as two single people.

Sorry this is happening to you.

Unfortunately you have no marital rights and no marital property so cant claim against anything thats his (likewise he cant claim against yours). You could come to an arrangement with your ex but he would need to agree to it, and would be on a goodwill basis. Sounds like you might be entitled to some child support depending on the exact situation.

Without marriage, you walk away with what you own in your own name - half of the house and your business.

If your son spends 50% of his time with his dad then he does not have to pay cm and I don't think it is necessarily wrong of him to expect your ds to be alone for a few hours either.

I think pp are right and you need to make sure you are claiming everything you can and maximising your earnings.

I would talk to another solicitor. In general pps are right but I have heard of cases where if there is a verbal agreement a claim can be made (eg he promised the properties he was buying were for both of your pensions)

This? OP if you were 40's when you had your son you'd had 20+ years to develop a career, maybe not to high earning level but in 20 years did you not reach a more typical average income level? With 20 years experience surely you'd be able to work back to returning - you shouldn't need to be working part time school hours only with a 13 year old, he'll be fine getting himself to and from school and home alone for a couple of hours after school?

If you are late 50s now you can hardly argue that you gave up a career for a 13 year old son

if you had a career mid 40s it should be relatively easy to reinstate

what field are you in ?

If you were not married then, no, you have no claim to anything. Other jurisdictions, eg NZ, have protections for cohabitating couples but not in England.

On basis you are in England and unmarried then no you wouldn’t be entitled to share of his pension or assets. If the house is in joint names you take your share of that.
If you have child 50/50 then he won’t need to pay child maintenance.
Unless child has additional needs requiring full time care then quite normal for a 13 yr old to be home alone after school or in hols.
Do you friends know you were not married?
Law is very different. CAB has a good guide marriage v cohabitation.

Are the other properties in just his name? I hope not.

Another one of these threads 😞

Unfortunately, to get the protection of marriage, you need to be married.

What were you doing before you had your son? Without marriage there will be nothing else you’re entitled to, incl child maintenance if you’re doing 50/50.

A 13 year old is more than capable of being alone after school, infect I think it’s a good way of building up independence.

All v familiar sadly. I was in the same boat. I have had to remortgage hugely to buy out ex and he has used the money ( that he doesn’t need) for a) a wedding to other woman and to pay for her to to do an MA in creative writing. I have two jobs, but my boy is an utter joy. I have no advice but send you lots of love and all good wishes. Life is utterly shit sometimes - if we had actually got married things would have been easier (no use now I Know) . Good luck x

This is very sad. Aside from the house, any benefits you're entitled to, and CMS, you aren't entitled to any of his money, his savings or his pension. You aren't married. You will not receive the protection marriage provides.

They are unfortunately probably right. No marriage, no financial right other than what you already have. His assets are his.

I feel for you. I'm in potentially a similar position. I appreciate financially you won't be entitled to anything that's technically his. But I find it so unfair that men (usually) can still claim 50% custody, even though the woman (usually) will have been prime carer and sacrificed her career. But that seems to count for nothing. And I know childrens needs should be put first, but 50/50 split isn't best for them either. Just my rant to add.

Did he put the properties that he was buying for your joint pensions in his name only? Can you prove that you contributed financially to those properties.

So sorry you find yourself in this situation. Marriage is not generally advantageous for the higher earner.

As PPs have said, if you’re in England, unfortunately that is the case. The law on this is under review because it is so out of date but who knows if and when it will be changed.

You opted to forego completing a legal contract that would have offered you protection.

Surely it can’t come as a surprise?

I mean, it's shit for right now but in English law you are a single person.