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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just had a phone call from the police after my ex reported me, wtf?!

59 replies

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:04

Hi!
Please read my previous post for more context so I’m not repeating myself too much!

Basically I was really hurt by my ex leaving me back in August, and after we broke up he told me never to contact him or he’d report it to the police as harassment. This was completely unprovoked and quite shocking to me. Mn’ers and others close to me told me he probably had an other woman and was saying this so that I would keep my distance.

He then messaged me a couple of weeks ago asking how I was, and stupidly I text back and we were talking and getting on for a couple of weeks. That was until I told him how hurt I still am about the way I was treated by him - his response was to immediately block me. I called him from a withheld number, which I know I shouldn’t have done, but I was upset and all I did was ask him why he’d blocked me and what the deal was. In response, once again he told me not to contact him or he’ll call the police. Of course, I did not contact him again and don’t intend to ever again. This happened on Monday.

I’ve just now received a phone call from the police to tell me that my ex called them on Monday night, he told them I was making him anxious and he felt harassed by my call as he had blocked me already. The police officer told me not to contact him again, which is fine lol. I already haven’t contacted him again.

My question to everyone is, what is wrong with some men? What did I do to deserve this 😶 do you think he has some mental issues? Do you think it’s a control thing? I am just so confused and hurt and blindsided

OP posts:
EndlessMagpies · 29/10/2022 20:08

Yes, it is a control thing. He wanted to hurt you.

I suppose at least if he contacts you again, you know not to fall for it a second time.

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:13

The police phoned you?

Is this a thing in the UK? I'm not from there.

Surely the police have to identify themselves in person? Sure it could be anyone on the phone.

LIZS · 29/10/2022 20:14

Was the call genuine?

SydneySage · 29/10/2022 20:16

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:13

The police phoned you?

Is this a thing in the UK? I'm not from there.

Surely the police have to identify themselves in person? Sure it could be anyone on the phone.

Exactly

He probably got a mate to call you

tiredmumma8696 · 29/10/2022 20:16

I would also wonder if the call was genuine, I've never heard of police phoning people like that, they would be more likely to come and talk to you in person

ThingsIhavelearnt · 29/10/2022 20:17

Just make sure if he ever calls you again you report it to the police and do not respond.

Rosenotred · 29/10/2022 20:19

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:13

The police phoned you?

Is this a thing in the UK? I'm not from there.

Surely the police have to identify themselves in person? Sure it could be anyone on the phone.

It's possible in UK. Absolutely a thing... agree it could be anyone saying PC "whoever"

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:21

@LIZS @Paintbynumber i’m pretty sure it was genuine tbh, but do the police not normally call? I had a missed call from an unknown number then a text saying it was pc name from my local police department and to call them back

OP posts:
User38899953 · 29/10/2022 20:23

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:21

@LIZS @Paintbynumber i’m pretty sure it was genuine tbh, but do the police not normally call? I had a missed call from an unknown number then a text saying it was pc name from my local police department and to call them back

What number did you call back? Obviously not asking you to post on here, but was it a mobile
or local number. If local google and check it's the police station.

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:26

@User38899953 it was a mobile number :/

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 29/10/2022 20:27

tiredmumma8696 · 29/10/2022 20:16

I would also wonder if the call was genuine, I've never heard of police phoning people like that, they would be more likely to come and talk to you in person

I reported an ex for harassment (he was actually harassing me though, OP). And they called him. So yes, they do that sometimes. If my ex had continued harrassing me after that, they would have paid him a visit, they said.

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:27

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:21

@LIZS @Paintbynumber i’m pretty sure it was genuine tbh, but do the police not normally call? I had a missed call from an unknown number then a text saying it was pc name from my local police department and to call them back

Yeah I think you were had..

They definitely don't text and definitely don't give you their mobile number to call them back.

Why didn't you phone the station?

AutumnScream · 29/10/2022 20:29

Sounds like a fake call. Should have called 101 and explained pc whatshisname has asked you to call back. That would give you the answer of a genuine call or not.

LIZS · 29/10/2022 20:29

Presumably you have a name and station, so can call a landline to check their credentials.

Lucia9513 · 29/10/2022 20:33

On the text they said their pc number and surname, do you think I should call and check they’re genuine?

OP posts:
WrongLife · 29/10/2022 20:34

You can call 101 and they will verify for you

Quveas · 29/10/2022 20:35

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:27

Yeah I think you were had..

They definitely don't text and definitely don't give you their mobile number to call them back.

Why didn't you phone the station?

Sorry but I have the mobile numbers of two local police officers because they actually do ask you to call them back. It may or may not be a hoax, but these days most have mobile numbers because they don't sit in the police station.

catzrulz · 29/10/2022 20:35

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:27

Yeah I think you were had..

They definitely don't text and definitely don't give you their mobile number to call them back.

Why didn't you phone the station?

Actually they do now, in Scotland anyway.
All Police have been issued with a mobile phone, they now take statements etc on them too.
I work closely with Police and have seen them giving out their mobile number to both suspects and witnesses etc.
We used to have to call 101 which was a real pain as if you called the local station it diverted to 101 anyway.

WrongLife · 29/10/2022 20:35

They won't give you the mobile number but should be able to check if the one you have been given matches the surname and shoulder number you have

User38899953 · 29/10/2022 20:36

To be honest. Whether genuine or fake, I wouldn't give it any more thought. Ignore and block the ex and forget the whole palaver !

Isaidnoalready · 29/10/2022 20:36

The only time I've ever been called by the police it says private number

absoluteshower · 29/10/2022 20:40

This is quite odd. If there had been an official complaint about harassment against you, then it would normally be followed up by an actual visit to speak to you.

Did you tell the person that your ex had initiated the latest exchange? It does sound like a control thing and that he in fact invited the attention.

Did you google the PC's name?

Paintbynumber · 29/10/2022 20:40

Fair enough it's different in the UK, the police give their mobile numbers to all. Seems a bit risky to me that an officer would potentially set themselves up for nuisance calls. Definitely wouldn't happen here in Ireland where the Gardai would phone and text a person who committed a crime their mobile number to warn them.

OP just ring your local station explain what happened and see if they can verify the call and text.

Happyinheels · 29/10/2022 20:43

This is definitely a thing, I could've written your exact post a few years ago. Same thing, he contacted me after a bad break up, I responded, exchanged a few messages and got into a conversation about us splitting up. He, as always, turned it all on me and we ended up falling out over messages again. A few days later I had a phone call from the police and he had reported me for harassment, despite him being the one who got in touch with me. It was 100% a real call. Do not ever engage with this man, totally toxic and dangerous.

tickticksnooze · 29/10/2022 20:44

You've posted about this so many times, how can you possibly be blindsided that he did precisely what he has warned you for months that he would do?

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