Ex dp and homelessness

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Split up 18mths ago or so due to cheating and drugs. He's now clean and got a job etc and sees our son regularly. He's desperate to reconcile but there are issues so I'm not.
He's currently living with parents but there selling up to downsize and he will need to rent etc. He has assets, think collectable he can sell that are worth thousands. He also ahs a lot of debt which interest rates and impacting.
He's told me he will be homeless if his parnets sell and won't be able to afford to work or live. He's run the numbers.. I've told him to speak to debt advice or look on money saving expert etc and ask counsel about housing in bedsits etc. He can't afford maintenance he says.. He gives me 75 a month and that's it anyway.
I get the feeling he's pushing to move here again and reconcile due to money. Its a no form me but I feel super guilty, I don't wnat him to struggle.
How do I not worry about this and be supportive but distant?

Did he feel guilty when he was having sex with other women, putting your health at risk and when he was off his face on drugs?
He’s as taker and a user and knows how to push your buttons it seems.
Continue as you are, you are doing great.

Please concentrate on your health and your son and your own wellbeing.

Don't try and fix this stupid man. Sorry, I know that's harsh but what you've told us in your posts has pissed me off.

I know someone like him. Stupid decision after stupid decision, not taking responsibility, a bit of martyrdom where possible, a dash of perpetual victimhood too.

He has valuable collectibles. That's a luxury. He needs to sell them. He was given a house then just gave away half. He gives you an insulting amount of maintenance and is now burdening you with all this. Let him live in a van or boat if that's the best he can do. It won't hurt him.

I would ask him to stop offloading on you. Say 'I'm sorry you're having difficulties but I can't help, I've got too much on and some important medical tests to think about. You're going to have to make arrangements as best you can. I suggest selling your XX collection if you're really in dire straits. No, I don't want to hear why not'.

I don't wnat him to struggle

He seems to have no problem having you and your son struggle.

OP, the last thing you need at this time is this loser trying to guilt you.

He has assets, he needs to sell them.

You have enough on your plate.

His choices, his consequences.

Do not engage with him.

Save your energy for yourself.

I really hope the biopsies come back clear.

It really is the most terrifying worry to go through.

Thanks, I'm trying not to overly stress as it's more than likely not the big C.

Please do not let this cocklodger back into your life and home. Hes not yoir problem. He can sell his assets to fund himself.
I made the mistake of letting my cocklodging ex move in to my back bedroom..

He was on sick leave from work at the time. Every Thursday he would collect his sick pay and disappear until Sunday, and expect to leech off me till Thursday cam round again.
I kicked him out as I almost got done fro benefit fraud I was a single mother of 3 kids (his)
And claiming benefits.
This was 30 years ago and rarely saw him ever again and not a penny piece for the kids
Don't crumble and let him back in!!!

Just stop talking to him about it, it's no longer your responsibility

Stop giving him suggestions. He's perfectly able to figure out whatever it is that you're suggesting on his own. But you making suggestions and him turning them down as unsuitable is just confirming in both of your minds that you are more responsible for his well-being than he is himself. If you have to comment at all, be vague. eg "You have time, I'm sure you'll figure something out."

You would actually be doing him a favour by not taking an interest in how he will cope. So long as you're giving off guilty vibes he will hope that he can move in with you and will fail to take responsibility for his own life. He will probably position himself to be desperately homeless, eg sleeping in his car, in order to pressure you further. If you take no interest in his problems then he will have to find another sucker make alternative plans.