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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does anybody have a perfect DP?

65 replies

crumpetswithjam · 26/10/2022 10:57

Reading a few threads this morning has just got me thinking about love, and how we hold onto it.

I'm not perfect by a loooong stretch. I'm short, stubby, stubborn and tenacious. I'm autistic. I have a few health conditions that limit my life in certain ways. I struggle with my mental health. I struggle socially. I'm blunt.

My DH is awkward, obsessive about certain things, messy, forgetful (has ADHD, so not his fault) and is an alcoholic in recovery. He sometimes loses sight of what's important because he gets whipped up in events.

Many of these traits in either of us would result in a LTB if we spoke about them on here.

I love him. I couldn't be without him. And I know he feels that same about me. Even when he's not here, and he WFH a lot, we are texting each other little snippets of things, or jokes or things we think the other one will like. We communicate so well, especially about the children, and we are a real team. We take care every day to make our home and loving and safe place. We work at it. Our children are happy.

We know neither of us is perfect, but who is?

I wonder if we just have lower standards or if, in real life, not MN forum life, everybody is just a bit messy and muddling through.

OP posts:
Sam1986mm · 26/10/2022 11:28

LTB

Luxembourgmama · 26/10/2022 11:29

Pretty close to perfect yes.

MsTSwift · 26/10/2022 11:30

Yes I do

crumpetswithjam · 26/10/2022 11:30

Luxembourgmama · 26/10/2022 11:29

Pretty close to perfect yes.

Really? How long can they keep it up, do you think?

OP posts:
Twosticksandstring · 26/10/2022 11:31

Sounds that he's perfect for you and you're perfect for him.

And that's all anyone can really hope and look for.

CraneBoysMysteries · 26/10/2022 11:32

There's no such things as a perfect person.

Relationships are just loving someone with all their imperfections.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 26/10/2022 11:32

He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

But then, I can be a cow to live with sometimes too!

crumpetswithjam · 26/10/2022 11:34

Twosticksandstring · 26/10/2022 11:31

Sounds that he's perfect for you and you're perfect for him.

And that's all anyone can really hope and look for.

I think that's the case. We wear our flaws on our sleeves so I think that creates very honest communication between us.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 26/10/2022 11:35

No one is perfect l don’t think, l know l am
not. My fiancé’s is messy and disorganised, always wants to put tasks off for another day. Mind like a sieve! On the flip side he’s kind, loving, fun and a great cook (when it’s his turn to make lunches for work my work colleagues get envious!).

Season0fTheWitch · 26/10/2022 11:37

My husband is perfect for me, he's never raised his voice or been irrational. He's calm and thoughtful and loves me completely. He leaves his wet towel on the bed sometimes and forgets to close the kitchen cupboards but he never does anything unbearable!

MrsTimRiggins · 26/10/2022 11:39

Nobody is perfect, not a single person on this planet, and looking for that would be a fruitless exercise. Someone can be perfect for you in a relationship tho.
My husband, for example, is the best person I’ve ever met and we’re incredibly happy together but he’s inclined to be messy, he works far too much and is prone to, when stressed, shut himself off emotionally. None of that really matters too much because the rest, the kindness, the humour, the chemistry, it all more than makes up for it.
I have flaws, I just can’t name any right now 😇

RainbowSlide · 26/10/2022 11:40

Twosticksandstring · 26/10/2022 11:31

Sounds that he's perfect for you and you're perfect for him.

And that's all anyone can really hope and look for.

This x 100

IncompleteSenten · 26/10/2022 11:40

Objectively perfect? No. Very much a no. That goes double for me 🤣

Perfect for me? Yes.

Scoundrella · 26/10/2022 11:43

I don’t think whine can be perfect but to me my husband is perfect for me. I don’t really worry about how others see him

Wherearemymarbles · 26/10/2022 11:49

Perfection is basically being able to ignore a partners foibles.

we all have traits that to some are deal breakers and to others are a complete non event

summergone · 26/10/2022 11:57

I remember years ago asking my stepdad if he could do some DIY in the house my DH couldn't and my mum commenting that couldn't my DH just ' have a go at it ' . No he couldn't cos he didn't have a clue ! I pointed out that he does ironing , hoovering etc and she was shocked as my stepdad doesn't do any of that . My mum concluded' You can't have it all in a man' and I think she is right . My DH makes me laugh everyday , we have great sex, he is laid back , works hard but has zero skill/initiative when it comes to DIY but I can live with that !

PumpkinGhoul · 26/10/2022 11:58

My DH is perfect for me we both have our own issues I can be a snappy mare when I want to be he can too.

I don't truly believe in the word perfect puts far too much stress on people to live up to something that doesn't exist.

So long as there is no cheating abuse of any sort.
And both still love each other and support each other I think that's all that matters.

TedMullins · 26/10/2022 12:07

As others have said there’s no such thing as a perfect person. But my partner is perfect for me. He has annoying traits of course (he can lack common sense sometimes when it comes to practical or logistical things) but for the big stuff, he has everything I need and want. He’s a much nicer person than me! He does his share of the chores and dog care, treats me, supports me, is open about his emotions and feelings, feminist, open-minded, creative, curious, funny and intelligent. I’m the more “imperfect” one - I’ve got complex MH issues but I’ve done a lot of therapy and work to overcome them. He has never shown anything but empathy and support.

Kissingfrogs25 · 26/10/2022 12:18

I am still very much in love with my dh, 20 years later, and he is utterly perfect for me. I know he feels the same way. There will be nothing that comes close to him, and if he has faults then they are not ones that are obvious to me.

Life is too short to settle for anything else, I liked being free so it would take someone as special as my dh as I liked being single and liked the life of a single person, so for me marriage was very optional and maybe not really attractive.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/10/2022 12:26

I have never met anyone, and couldn’t think of how anyone could be, more compatible with me than DH. Perfect is a nebulous word to apply to a person: he would be many people’s absolute opposite, as would I be.

candyflosstheboss · 26/10/2022 12:30

Mine was, for over 20 years. Then I discovered his affair, he turned into a monster in a moment and has made my life hell.

Nothing like the perfect husband I thought I had, I'm still having trauma therapy to cope.

Now I don't believe anyone has the perfect husband, I lived a perfect life and it went to shit.

DramaAlpaca · 26/10/2022 12:30

Mine's wonderful. Not perfect, but pretty darned good.

MarshaMelrose · 26/10/2022 12:31

No. But my DP does. 😇

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 26/10/2022 12:33

Nobody is perfect. Not one single person on this planet.
Neither of us are perfect, far from it but we are perfect for each other and that is enough.

ladygindiva · 26/10/2022 12:36

candyflosstheboss · 26/10/2022 12:30

Mine was, for over 20 years. Then I discovered his affair, he turned into a monster in a moment and has made my life hell.

Nothing like the perfect husband I thought I had, I'm still having trauma therapy to cope.

Now I don't believe anyone has the perfect husband, I lived a perfect life and it went to shit.

Sorry this happened to you. Hope the therapy helps and you can move forward and be happy.