Does anybody have a perfect DP?

[crumpetswithjam]

Reading a few threads this morning has just got me thinking about love, and how we hold onto it.

I'm not perfect by a loooong stretch. I'm short, stubby, stubborn and tenacious. I'm autistic. I have a few health conditions that limit my life in certain ways. I struggle with my mental health. I struggle socially. I'm blunt.

My DH is awkward, obsessive about certain things, messy, forgetful (has ADHD, so not his fault) and is an alcoholic in recovery. He sometimes loses sight of what's important because he gets whipped up in events.

Many of these traits in either of us would result in a LTB if we spoke about them on here.

I love him. I couldn't be without him. And I know he feels that same about me. Even when he's not here, and he WFH a lot, we are texting each other little snippets of things, or jokes or things we think the other one will like. We communicate so well, especially about the children, and we are a real team. We take care every day to make our home and loving and safe place. We work at it. Our children are happy.

We know neither of us is perfect, but who is?

I wonder if we just have lower standards or if, in real life, not MN forum life, everybody is just a bit messy and muddling through.

Better the devil you know, warts and all.

Yes he is.

I mean obviously he’s not actually perfect...no one is. But his flaws are small and he’s perfect for me. He’s fantastic in every single one of the important things and I love him to bits. By contrast I’m quite a bit more flawed than he is, but I know it and I do the work to mitigate it where I can. We work together very well and really adore each other.

The sex is great too, which helps a lot in keeping us both happy and intimately connected.

My husband is perfect for me.

I’m so sorry. This is my story too. Although we had ‘only’ 10 years of marriage. The hurt and betrayal of how someone can have loved you so much and had so many wonderful years together that just turn out to be a lie is truly shattering.
Give me a ‘normal’, flawed but genuine person any day, although I won’t marry again.

I often wonder this, especially when I meet people who have been married 10+ years. I work with the elderly & they often say they have had ups and downs in their marriage but dont go into details and I've always wondered what real people actually go through privately. Its probably pretty nieve to think people can spend 10/20/30/more years together and never broken a boundary or done something that might hurt the other. Surely we as humans aren't perfect and we make mistakes?

No such thing as perfection..

One persons perfect is another persons nightmare!

No one is perfect but we are perfect for each other, 18 years and counting! I couldn’t be without him 😊

As long as you’re both happy that’s all that matters.

It's not perfection anyone should be striving for, but respect. And unfortunately, many relationship threads show a complete lack of respect in a relationship. So if a partner is lazy, or feels entitled to not have to chip in with house or the children, they don't respect you, and if they don't respect you, do they love you? It's pretty fundamental and I don't think it can be changed in many circumstances. And if it's a thread from this morning that got you thinking, if the person is pre marriage/babies now is the time to say it, they will claim he wasn't like it before children and there were no signs, but I'm pretty certain for most people there are signs they will be a disrespectful partner, it's just easier to be more tolerant pre kids.

No, but then no one is perfect are they?

I mean, he doesn't cheat, abuse or insult me or anything like that but he does little things that really tick me off. But then again I do annoy him so it's just part of the relationship.

Well I’m single, so yes. I treat me right. 😂

I don’t think perfect is the goal, just a partner who respects and values you. Unfortunately lots of people fail to clear that very low bar.

Pretty much, I guess? I can’t really think of any actual flaws. He leaves the tap running for too long while he washes up and occasionally snores, but that’s pretty much it.

My DH is delightful to me, but he’s also objectively pretty great ‘on paper’, as it were.

I'm so sorry to read all this. It sounds like a nightmare and I hope you can find a way to get past it.

I'm sorry @BloodAndFire you think my life is a nightmare?

Maybe there are lots of perfect people around ...until you find out they are cheating on you of course. :)

When someone posts on here about relationships problems, by definition the things they are posting about are problems 🤷‍♀️ The same behaviour might not be a problem for someone else, and that’s fine. My husband wouldn’t be right for everyone- he wears his clothes until they’re literally rags, has a pun for every occasion, can’t dance, can eat a whole packet of pasta in one sitting, skinny dips in the North Sea in the depths of winter, has never owned a comb, spends £50 on a bottle of wine but won’t spend a fiver on a haircut- perfect 🤩

Christ no!

But then neither am I perfect 🤷‍♀️

I am baffled OP because just a few weeks ago I was on a thread that you started about how out of control your codeine addiction was and Nobody I know has a clue I'm going through this, not even my DH.

This doesn’t a great marriage to me

Yes on the basis of your other thread

My husband is perfect for me, I don't think anyone is actually "perfect" though.

My husband is perfect FOR ME. I think that’s the problem so often on mumsnet. People will post ‘oh my DH is so messy he never picks anything up and our house is a dump.’ I’d leave him - not because being messy is a crime but for me someone who prioritises a clean and tidy environment and someone who is slobby and messy just won’t work together. But he might be the perfect husband for someone else who is messy and doesn’t care.

My DH and I share a lot of the same ideas. We both like clean and tidy. We are both not really into drinking and nights out. Both careful with money etc. So we ‘match’ each other, and he’s the perfect DH for me. But he’s the worst DH for a woman who loves the exciting life with nights out, jet setting etc.

Yes, DH is perfect and I tell him so every day. He’s also an incredible father. I’m not perfect at all though! The opposite in fact. Yet DH thinks I’m perfect and that’s all that matters 😊

Exactly. We compliment each other and have the same out look/goals/enjoy the same things. We make each other laugh a lot and still enjoy each others company. We both struggle with housework but neither expects the other to be in charge of it and we both get up and make an effort when the other does 😂

As a side note I really sympathise with that previous poster who spoke similarly about her DH and then how cold he became after he cheated, I've heard that story before and that must be so traumatic and devastating. I'm not naive enough to think that it could never happen to me and I really hope it doesn't. I don't think my DH could or would ever do that but I know that plenty of other women thought that too :(

What is perfect, fine or tolerable is a matter of personal perspective. Literally nobody is 'perfect'. There are things about my dh which would no doubt piss off some women but don't bother me in the slightest, and there would be things about other women's husbands that I'd find intolerable but don't bother them.

It's all very well to talk about love, and accepting someone with all their faults etc, but choosing to live a lifetime with someone who (even through no fault of their own) would make my day-to-day life more difficult, stressful and complicated is not something I would ever have considered doing.

Yes I do. My soul mate, my best friend, my everything.
We are perfectly suited to one another!

I could write a book on how much I love him to be honest.