Page 3 | Does my partner need viagra?

Viewofthesea · 2022-10-25T12:06:44+00:00

My relationship is sexless with my partner. It dried up of sex within a few short months of getting engaged. It dried up from his side. Seems like something he's avoiding. Basically on the rare occasion I do try to have anything any more with him, he's on his back, I give him a blow job, I try to go on top, we might be one or two going in and out, and then he loses his firmness and he continues with masturbation. Every time. I don't even bother trying anymore to be honest. It's awful. I haven't even tried having sex with him this year because there's no point. It's just going to be awful and he's more than happy for it to be like that. Has anyone else experienced this? I suspect he's watching porn too. Would porn do this? If he just stayed away from porn he could have the real thing if he tried. My sexless relationship makes me feel depressed.

Original poster

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 17:39

Tangfastic71 · 25/10/2022 17:33

I doubt very much it’s intentional rejection. These things happen slowly and he, like you, probably never imagined it would lead to this. He is equally as unlikely to have made the connection and is probably mortified at the fact he can’t keep an erection for the woman he loves….leading to him avoiding sex even more and turning to masturbation more and so starts the cycle. He may be relieved to realise there could be a solution so maybe try to be understanding and compassionate. If he refuses to try to understand the root cause though…I would leave him

In my mind I was already making a connection that there's already some sort of a circle going on with masturbation and a withdrawal from sex and its a circle.

OP posts:

NoDatingForOldMen · 25/10/2022 17:41

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 17:09

His gums bleed far too easily and I am completely wary about letting him anywhere near my intimate area for oral. Not going to happen.

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this interesting as there clear evidence of links between gum disease and ED,

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/202006/the-connection-between-erections-and-gum-disease

Original poster

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 17:53

NoDatingForOldMen · 25/10/2022 17:41

this interesting as there clear evidence of links between gum disease and ED,

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/202006/the-connection-between-erections-and-gum-disease

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I was after him for a long time to take better care of his teeth and oral health but he won't listen to me. His oral hygiene is bad. There's a layer of tartar on his teeth that he won't go to the dentist about. He is also afraid of flossing because he says it makes his gums bleed but that's not my understanding of flossing. Flossing is supposed to make the gums bleed but preserve at the flossing and its supposed to help and clear up. He has a poor attitude on dentists and believes they are out to make up problems and get money when they are not.

So this could play a factor in things too?

OP posts:

Laurdo · 25/10/2022 18:14

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 17:53

I was after him for a long time to take better care of his teeth and oral health but he won't listen to me. His oral hygiene is bad. There's a layer of tartar on his teeth that he won't go to the dentist about. He is also afraid of flossing because he says it makes his gums bleed but that's not my understanding of flossing. Flossing is supposed to make the gums bleed but preserve at the flossing and its supposed to help and clear up. He has a poor attitude on dentists and believes they are out to make up problems and get money when they are not.

So this could play a factor in things too?

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What are your reasons for being with him, honestly?

Bad oral hygiene? Sleeping in separate beds? Weird sexual habits?

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Original poster

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 18:15

He had blood tests this summer at the doctors and one of the markers in the blood was up. I forget what he said what the doctor said. It's due to inflammation or circulation or something. I completely forget wahy marker he said was raised. The doctor mentioned some reason and google mentioned 3 reasons one of them bleeding and I knew straight away that it's his gums.

Still my partner is negligent with his oral hygiene. I don't think it's depression. I think when he finishes late she goes to bed instead of staying up and brushing his teeth. I wish he would take better care of his teeth including visiting the dentist and hygienist more. I can't use floss for him or stick a brush in his mouth for him.

OP posts:

NoDatingForOldMen · 25/10/2022 18:55

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 18:15

He had blood tests this summer at the doctors and one of the markers in the blood was up. I forget what he said what the doctor said. It's due to inflammation or circulation or something. I completely forget wahy marker he said was raised. The doctor mentioned some reason and google mentioned 3 reasons one of them bleeding and I knew straight away that it's his gums.

Still my partner is negligent with his oral hygiene. I don't think it's depression. I think when he finishes late she goes to bed instead of staying up and brushing his teeth. I wish he would take better care of his teeth including visiting the dentist and hygienist more. I can't use floss for him or stick a brush in his mouth for him.

Yes, he needs to get his oral hygiene sorted 1st, especially the inflammation and bleeding

Indigokitten · 25/10/2022 19:40

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 17:09

His gums bleed far too easily and I am completely wary about letting him anywhere near my intimate area for oral. Not going to happen.

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This is absurd tbh. He can’t won’t go near ur ‘intimate parts’

JustKittenAround · 26/10/2022 06:25

Viewofthesea · 25/10/2022 17:09

His gums bleed far too easily and I am completely wary about letting him anywhere near my intimate area for oral. Not going to happen.

Show quote history

Get him some floss and make him use it. That’s nasty as hell as not flossing will lead to both bad teeth/gums but also other issues. It is a cause of heart attacks. If his gums bleed because of something else (unlikely) then get him into a dr. I mean… that’s a huge problem.

You’re relationship if you want intimacy sounds awful to be honest. You got this overweight man who whacks off next to you but doesn’t get off on the act of making love… and his bleeding gums …. Just no.

no.

JustKittenAround · 26/10/2022 06:26

Aww crap sorry, I did not get to the rest of the thread. I was so triggered by bad oral hygiene I lost myself

JustKittenAround · 26/10/2022 06:28

PS his gums will bleed but in very little time they will toughen up. He needs to put more effort into toughening up.

why would you even want to have sex with him?!? it’s so sad sounding to be honest. Like sad as all get out!

Original poster

Viewofthesea · 26/10/2022 08:06

Him being neglectful of his oral hygiene was never apparent at the start. It was only after time I became aware that he was neglecting his teetg and oral health. Like he would go to bed without brushing his teeth and then in the mornings, his rountine wasn't sufficient imo. He would be in and out from the bathroom within a minute or two. No way was it sufficient time to do everything. He wouldnt even be 5 minutes in the bathroom. He gives more time and energy into his job and the caring for the farm animals his father has than he does at looking after himself. It also appears to me that he's afraid of blood. Once his gums bleed he stops.

OP posts:

bonzaitree · 26/10/2022 08:52

Viewofthesea · 26/10/2022 08:06

Him being neglectful of his oral hygiene was never apparent at the start. It was only after time I became aware that he was neglecting his teetg and oral health. Like he would go to bed without brushing his teeth and then in the mornings, his rountine wasn't sufficient imo. He would be in and out from the bathroom within a minute or two. No way was it sufficient time to do everything. He wouldnt even be 5 minutes in the bathroom. He gives more time and energy into his job and the caring for the farm animals his father has than he does at looking after himself. It also appears to me that he's afraid of blood. Once his gums bleed he stops.

Could he be depressed? Lack of hygiene and also lack of sex drive could point to that?

notmyrealmoniker · 26/10/2022 17:24

Dump dump dump. Why do you want to consider a lifetime of this