Red Flags You Missed

[DoItAfraid]

There are so many threads where people are grappling with red flags 🚩 at the start (well done to all making informed decisions).

I am struggling with my husband and today I decided to unpick some things I ignored:

Example 1: 1st date he kept me waiting outside London Bridge station (I was new to London and had traveled a distance so just stood there like an idiot). He turned up hungover with mismatched shoes.

Reflection: I can’t stand people who don’t respect other people’s time. I should have red flagged and left after 15 mins in above example.

Example 2: 2nd date - yes, unbelievable to think there was another one - his card was declined for £8 movie snacks.

I paid as the movie was starting.

Reflections -

the sheer guts to invite someone on a date when you know funds are “insufficient “

the ease with which he let me pay - cue marriage with co dependence

17 years 2 beautiful kids later and STILL battling to get to places on time and manage money😭😭😭.

No ltbs please. Just solidarity.

I think that the second one was quite easy to perceive as a bank problem. I have a card which occasionally decides not to work, regardless of what's in the account.

Red flags are your feelings, not your partner's actions. Anything that makes you feel bad or question yourself is a red flag for you. So the red flags I missed were all of the things that made me think 'Is it just me, or was that behaviour a bit off (in some way or other)?'

Not recognising that even if it was 'just me', 'me' matters more than anything, when I'm trying to decide if a relationship is right for 'me'.