Boyfriend has financial links to ex still

[Kikibirdy]

My partner of 3 years - divorced but still has joint account with ex wife for (now young adult ) kids

also does things like pays for ex’a holiday fare when she goes away with kid/s

we don’t live together but he does want us to get married . The financial links to his ex make me want to run a mile tbh - am I being over cautious ?

i have two teenage sons and own my own house , work etc

Either way, you say they don't have a financial/consent order? You want to insist he gets that done before you start to share finances with him. I would also think that a consent order wouldn't allow for an ex couple to maintain a joint bank account, as that seems to undermine the whole point.

People who are saying they have one and it's all good - bear in mind that the only thing he can do differently with a joint account as opposed to transferring into an ex's personal account, is to withdraw the money again himself. That and monitor all the transactions. Who want's their ex to maintain those controls over their finances?

Yes he is a high earner

his ex has a job but earns much less tho they split their (considerable ) assets prob 70-30 in her favour when they spit

It wouldn't be an issue for me. Even young adult kids need financial support. It's good that they can be amicable to do this.

I actually think it sounds like he's a great guy. Yes their kids are older but the fact he still acknowledges their mum isn't a bad thing.

He's a high earner and can afford the odd bit of help. If anything, I'd find this an attractive quality.

He IS a really great guy yep !

I think you are either giving the wrong link or misunderstanding what I am trying to say because I have witnessed such a chain of debt passing happening believe me it was scary.

No banks cannot just legally take money from your account (they have however been known to try it on where debts are concerned).

However if you are financially linked to someone then they can hold you liable for debts in some cases. Let's face it OP says her partner trusts his ex and she seems to trust him, however there would be nothing to stop a panic situation occurring if for example the exists new partner drained her account, she then drained her exs to cover a shortfall which created a debt/overdraft (unauthorised overdraft can escalate quickly) which the bf panics and drains a current account with OP to cover.... OP says they are high earners and sound pretty sensible - but folks have got into big messes by trusting someone with their finances.

Therefore my original point stands. Do not have a joint account/mortgage/finances with someone who has joint finances with someone else - it is a quick way to loose control of your own finances.

I would ask him to close the account. There no need for a joint account. Money can be transferred directly to his adult children.

So do they have a consent order or has he just given her 70% of everything without getting the clean break formalised? She could come back for anything later. And if you get married your assets become joint and she could potentially come after those.

If he’s such a great guy (and he sounds lovely), he will understand your concerns and why you need to ask more details about his divorce before you move in with him. It’s really important that you find out whether or not he has a consent order and exactly what financial arrangements were agreed between them. I’m not a lawyer but I think not having a consent order is bad, especially for a high earner.

I speak from experience here - some ex wives and ex husbands become much less ‘amicable’ when their ex remarries!

He is great but much more concerned with being a great guy to his ex / kids so he would prob be really defensive if I asked

but no way am I going to get married if he’s without a consent order - then It does become my business basically !