Why would someone do this?

[dizzlefruit]

I've been seeing a guy for 6 months. I've noticed he keeps saying things like "you'd look good with a big tattoo there", or "you should dye your hair", or "you should wear clothes like that"

It's making me feel a bit rubbish like he wants to change things about me. The things he is suggesting are things he knows I would never do. I wouldn't get a big tattoo, I don't want hair a different colour and the clothes he's suggesting are the complete opposite to what I would wear.

Is this a red flag? I feel like I'm happy with his appearance and would never suggest he changed it.

I would not put up with that, and I haven't!
I make it known that I like my choice of clothes, hair etc, nobody can tell me what I should or shouldn't be wearing.

It's controlling and he will just bring your self esteem down. Does he neg you general too? as this is a new relationship you can just dump and move on, this really isn't a good sign of a healthy relationship, next he'll start on your job, finances until you don't feel like you have a mind of your own.

Suggest he would look better with a bigger penis.
Then block.

I would 100% agree with @minticecreamisjustok

It may seem trivial just now, but based on my previous experience this is how it starts. I was well warned about my partner 17 years ago, that he would chip away at myself esteem however I ignored it. Comments which seem "subtle" just now will gradually get worse. We're now separated and I was a shadow of my former self by the time he left. Everything @minticecreamisjustok is spot on. Please take heed

Is this a red flag?

Do you really need anyone to answer that for you?

Listen to these ladies and dump him now, before he destroys your self confidence.

Is it a red flag? It's a joint Chinese & Russian military forces parade of them. Get rid. He's trying to turn you into someone you're not bad making you feel bad about yourself. You deserve better.

He's trying to change you into a fantasy woman he wants you to be rather than the person you are.
Or into someone specific who he wants but can't have.

I would be tempted to do a couple of comments back and then get rid of him.

Tell him he'd look better 5 miles away.

Yes, red flag. He’s can’t see you as an individual, he’s not relating to you as another functioning equal human. You are ‘woman’ and he wants you to morph into the type he likes. Ugh. Dump.

Of course it’s a red flag. You shouldn’t even have to ask. Tell him he’s free to go off and find his fantasy woman with the big tattoo and dyed hair, then have nothing more to do with him.

Please run! I dated someone like this and it's all a case of them liking some some elements of you, but trying to get you to fit their complete ideal. NOT WORTH IT. My husband now accepts me as I am and I can be true to myself. Its so important in a long term relationship x

@Pumpkinpatchlookinggood Suggest he would look better with a bigger penis.
Then block.

😂😂

If he knew anything about tattoos he would know that you don't get a big one there because some fucking fly by night suggests it.

Tell him to fuck off OP

I think a more pertinent question would be ‘why would you continue to date someone who speaks you like this?’

This.

Yup.

Oh I had one like that.
He'd criticize my clothes, screw his nose up at certain (completely normal) outfits and ask why I'd worn it.
He turned the conversation round once onto "if you had enough money for plastic surgery, what would you get?" I'd never thought about it so said "oh I don't know, maybe a boob lift" he said "no, you definitely need a nose job" but he didn't let it drop. He actually kept bringing up this nose job thing for a while.
He was a cunt!

Actually, I had my suspicion he was closet gay too.

He's trying to change you into a fantasy woman he wants you to be rather than the person you are
Or into someone specific who he wants but can't have.

this is very wise .

”If he knew anything about tattoos he would know that you don't get a big one there because some fucking fly by night suggests it.

Tell him to fuck off OP”

^^^THIS^^**