Partner has openly told me several times in recent weeks that he doesn’t like spending time with me, that he’d rather be at work, that he thought this was normal and that I “just don’t get it”.
In 3 years, he has had collectively around 10 days off work. Not including paternity leave which was 2 weeks from the day our DS was born.
I stay home full time with DS. I do not drive and we live very rurally. My partner goes to work at 7am and comes home at 6pm. He is also on emergency call outs on weekends & evenings and does a lot of overtime. It’s difficult to plan for a weekend away or days out, as so many times we’ve gone out before, he gets called into work for an emergency.
I have begged him for 3 years to take some time off work so we can spend some time together. He gets paid holiday, so money isn’t an issue. He refuses. In the last 6 months, our DS has started screaming and crying and getting absolutely hysterical when partner gets up for work.
Eventually he promised he would book a week off in August so we could have a week of summer together. The day before his week off was due to start, he told me he hadn’t actually booked it off but that he promises he’ll take a week off the week after my birthday the following month. My birthday came around and the weekend before he told me again he hadn't actually booked it off.
I told him how much it upsets me that in 3 years we haven’t spent any real family time together. I explained how he can see how upset our DS gets in the mornings, and whilst I know taking a week off probably won’t stop DS getting upset, the solution isn’t to just not spend any time together at all instead. He told me that he thought it was normal for fathers to not want to spend time with their families, that it’s normal for them to rather be at work and that everyone our age is like it (late 20s). He also said that he gets bored at home. I was very shocked and said that it isn’t normal.
Fast forward to this weekend, DS spent a night away. I spent most of it decluttering the house, going through DS old clothes etc. He spent his time on his PlayStation which I was happy with as I was doing my own thing too. This evening, I asked him if he could try and book a few days off whilst he’s at work tomorrow, but he got very very defensive and again started saying that he doesn’t want to, that I don’t get it, that it’s normal and that if I wanted to spend time with him so badly I would have spent time with him this weekend instead of doing housework. I understand where he’s coming from but at the same time he also wasn’t bothered.
Its became exhausting and I am starting to give up. Is this ‘normal’ for most families? Is it actually me being unreasonable?