Boyfriend cant orgasm during sex

[SakeFck]

my boyfriend's Delayed Ejaculation is destroying me

he has orgasmed 3/4 times and gone soft another 3/4 times. He said he's been this way for about 5 years, but never told me about it, ive had to bring it up and find out for myself over the months weve been together.He orgasms every time he masturbates.

I have a high sex drive and have had quite a few sexual partners, but I've never experienced anything like this. A man's orgasm is not only a kink of mine but linked to a long history of being told that it signifies great sex and approval (misogyny, maybe), so I cannot separate his orgasm from this.

I have been understanding and patient, and to his credit he's been willing to discuss it. But I feel fed up, angry, even jealous. I'm sick of reading articles about how girlfriends should be patient and kind and open, not talk about it or address it so the man doesn't feel pressure. I think there obviously must be more going on for me, but this is consuming me. We are fantastic together outside of the bedroom, open and vulnerable and emotionally intelligent and funny. But this is killing me.

Has anyone else had any experience in this?

Excessive reliance on porn does this.

Your are not suited for each other, end of story. Please don't waste any more of your time on this relationship. It's never going to work.

Death grip

I feel totured by it, blown all out of proportion. I am jealous of him wanking, i have never felt this way.

Has he been to the doctor for a blood test? My DH had this issue and it was due to low testosterone and high prolactin. Tablets have sorted the issue.

Can he orgasm with you giving him a hand job?

How about he masturbates then you jump on at crunch time, as it were!?

I found it great tbh. He could go for hours and I had multiple orgasms.
But if you're this bothered by it and can't work with him on it, just walk away

I think its psychological as hes able to climax when he masturbates

Not always the case.

The reason why is totally irrelevant. You are incompatible and it's only going to get worse.

He orgasms every time he masturbates.

Then maybe he should stop masturbating. The simplest explanation here is desensitisation through death grip and/porn use.

Thats why I'm sad and angry, I think it likely means we are incompatable. Sex is not something I thought would be an issue for me, it wasnt on my radar, but here we are.

I guess it's difficult if you yourself are able to orgasm through penetrative sex alone, but it's something a lot of women are unable to do as well. Not sure if it's helpful to think of it that way?

I dress up, I get myself into all types of postitions, I'm open minded, and every time we start i feel optimisitic, but as soon as i realise its happening again, i feel so embarassed. Its not even really about me, but I'm making it all about me. Its just so silly.

I have a (male enby) friend who rarely comes during sex. I think in his case it has to do with depression. Could that be a factor?

Oh, another one?? Who hurt you?

In seriousness, can we get to a stage please on Mumsnet where a person can post about a male sexual problem, and folk can explore options other than “porn use” - can we get there people? It’s really tiresome

It's not you. It's him. Don't bend over backwards blaming yourself when it's probably just a case of him wanking too hard/fast/often

Unpopular/unmentionable opinion on MN, but could a lack of friction be the issue? Maybe you guys' sizes aren't compatible

You say it's been like this for 5 years. Were you together throughout this period or is he saying he's had the same issue with previous partners?

Occam's razor. The simplest explanation is usually right.

Mens orgasm is tricky, I say that as a man. Sex is so focussed on orgasm being the outcome that its a one way street to someone being dissapointed. Porn is focussed on huge cumshots etc.
I suffered from retarded ejaculation, I didnt really watch porn, could ejaculate when masturbating, was not on anti depressants but I had come to a relationship from a background of unresolved sexual abuse. Once I did work with a therapist I was able to work through the pressure to cum.
I did a lot of work around oral sex, massage, non penis in vagina sex etc. Then we progressed to vaginal sex and the problem disappeared. I learned that cumming is a normal and pleasurable part of sex. If I were you I would not do the dressing up or big effort, Id completely ignore it as an issue and explore oral, massage, touching etc. No pressure for either of you. Id move to mutual masturbation with no focus on outcome. I think this can be resolved but not by you trying as you are, its not your fault but you can both solve it.

I can "feel" him very well, he says the same for me, so if its friction hes not telling me.

I want to be understanding and kind, i really do, but its like a switch has gone off this week and i feel nothing but anger and resentment.

We havent been together for 5 years, his previous partner he was with for over a decade, and he said it started in the last 5/6 years.

Does a drink help him relax?

He's not on antidepressants, is he?
Any anxiety or other mental health struggles?

I thought maybe we could try going without sex for a while, to take the pressure off and work on intimacy in other ways as well as rebuilding my broken ego which is the part of me reacting so badly i think. He isnt keen. I have also suggested focusing on oral, again he wasnt keen, but i will raise it again. I feel like much more of anti climatic sex or him going soft will tip us over the edge, i almost feel sex isnt worth the risk right now.

I can climax during penatrive sex, ive always been able to. A few of my female friends have never orgasmed, and I'm trying to reframe my thinking with that in mind.