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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my dad having an affair? Or is just just a breach of client confidentiality?

54 replies

LittleSun · 19/10/2022 16:37

Is my dad having an affair? Or is just just a breach of client confidentiality?

I am just wondering if anybody can help?

At the moment I am in a rather conflicting situation, now for some content. I have my own horse and said horse is on a livery yard. Due to work commitments my horse is on part Livery of 5 to 2 as it is own in the equestrian industry, this is quite common for yards to have this.

This means that my horse gets looked after by the yard manager during the week, and I look after her during the weekend. Obviously, I ride during the week but only in the evenings or when I’m off on annual leave.

I’m in my twenties, have a full driving license. So, my parents don’t often come to the yard maybe about once a month.

My dad is very good at DIY, and he will often do things are my parents house. In the past due to various conversations the topic of my dad being good at DIY has come up on the yard, and in the past the yard manager has asked me whether my dad would be able to fix this, to save money. I’ve said I would ask and my dad has said yes.

However, recently he has been coming up to the yard more often to do DIY jobs. These jobs have not gone through me, but rather through my dad. These jobs have had no idea about, and some how I suspect my dad has given the yard manager his number. Was any of this with my knowledge or permission? No!

Baring this in mind, my yard manager first and foremost runs a business, I pay her to look after my horse. I am her client, no where did I give permission for a third party ie my dad to know information about this yard.

Also recently I’ve been having a gut feeling something is going on between my dad and my yard manager, my mum has noticed there something up with my dad also. Not so long a go, I was taking to dad my about various things, and he showed my a few things on his phone.

On thing lead to another and I managed to get hold of his phone, I said originally that just wanted to look at his apps to see what he has got, I know snooping is wrong but I wanted to see if he was breaching client confidentiality.

My suspicion where heightened because there where messages on WhatsApp’s from my yard manager, some of the messages where a followed:

For some content: my yard manager has a young child from a previous relationship.

One message started of, ‘you gorgeous man’

I’ve seen said child have a relationship like you do with them’

If he comes to the yard he will often interact with her, abs play games with her. A bit too much if you ask me, find it a bit weird why when a Middle Aged man with no relation to this child would want to spend that amount of time.

Lots of flirting emojis, messages like . Do you fancy a coffee?

One that stood out was just a single sentence: ‘

‘happy 9 months,’

so whatever has been happening could of been going on since February of this year. If something has been happening I feel heartbroken for my mum.

Whilst I was looking at his phone, he asked what I looking at . I panicked and said are you having an affair with said Yard Manager, he asked if I snooped. I played dumb, and said I noticed something quickly when I was looking at the said thing. In his response he just said they are ‘very close’

Now I haven’t brought it up since, and I’ve left there and change the conversation. I’ve been trying to keep track of there movements. Just mainly by asking questions, abs writing them down, for example I noticed
and May of been nothing but they where both away on the same weekend recently.

But I’m really conflicted! What do I do? I know some people would say leave it doesn’t concern me if my parents marriage isn’t all it seems but on the other hand they could effectively be breaking the law because I didn’t give them permission, for any information about the yard to be said between them!

At this point I really want to confront my yard manager, but don’t want my dad getting involved. And it turn into a massive argument

OP posts:
Raindropsandslatetiles · 19/10/2022 16:41

What law do you think they are breaking and what client confidentiality are they breaking?

If the yard owner starts telling your dad whether you have paid on time or not or what your bank details were that would be a potential GDPR breach

The owner talking to your dad directly through you breaches nothing legal

Its crap if the owner and your dad are having an affair, its not illegal.

oviraptor21 · 19/10/2022 16:43

I can't see any client confidentiality issues from your post.
Sounds like he likes the yard manager but as you say, it's not really any of your business. I'd be rather more concerned that you are snooping at your Dad's phone.

gendercriticalcomingout · 19/10/2022 16:44

It's crap if he's having an affair with her but it isn't a data breach

Aikko · 19/10/2022 16:49

They aren't breaking any laws from what you have said, and he's having an affair with the yard manager.

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/10/2022 16:57

He doesn’t need your permission to contact the yard manager or do work for her. I could easily see a conversation while he was doing work where she asked his permission to contact him directly if she had some work needing doing, or him offering his contact details for convenience. He doesn’t need your permission to give her his number.

In terms of an affair, I think it’s pretty bold to accuse him on pretty flimsy information. Your parents marriage is their business, you don’t know everything that goes on between them or indeed with any third party. Stop snooping on your dad.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2022 16:58

but on the other hand they could effectively be breaking the law because I didn’t give them permission, for any information about the yard to be said between them!

What in the fuck are you even talking about? They aren't breaking any laws. You're the one who initially got your father involved in the first place.

Hoppinggreen · 19/10/2022 17:01

Maybe they are having an affair, which is shit but not illegal unfortunately.
Stop worrying about (non existent) data breaches or whatever and focus on how you will support your mum if your Dad is at it

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2022 17:04

However, recently he has been coming up to the yard more often to do DIY jobs. These jobs have not gone through me, but rather through my dad. These jobs have had no idea about, and some how I suspect my dad has given the yard manager his number. Was any of this with my knowledge or permission? No!

It's very amusing that you think your father needs your permission to take on jobs or to give out his phone number.

Greennetting · 19/10/2022 17:08

but on the other hand they could effectively be breaking the law because I didn’t give them permission, for any information about the yard to be said between them!

You know the yard owner doesn't need your permission to talk about her business to whoever she wants to right? I'm sorry if she is having an affair with your dad I understand it must be upsetting but you appear to have a very tenuous grasp on what is and isn't illegal which makes me wonder what other conclusions you are jumping to

Ironically you snooping through your dads phone is far less ethical than the yard owner talking to your dad without asking you first

Leakygutter · 19/10/2022 17:09

She runs the yard, you introduced them so he can do some work there, then she's approached him directly to do further work. The idea that there's been any breach of confidentiality is bonkers.

So is snooping on your dad's phone.

What on earth do you hope to achieve?

KettrickenSmiled · 19/10/2022 17:09

This is a horrible situation for you OP & you must feel terrible for your poor mum. However ...

These jobs have had no idea about, and some how I suspect my dad has given the yard manager his number. Was any of this with my knowledge or permission? No!
What makes you imagine that your yard owner needs your permission to contact your dad? or anyone? She liveries your horse - that is the extent of your relationship. She doesn't neef you to tell her whether she's allowed to contact other humans.

Baring this in mind, my yard manager first and foremost runs a business, I pay her to look after my horse. I am her client, no where did I give permission for a third party ie my dad to know information about this yard.
Again - you are coming over as slightly insane with this permission business.
It is not up to you who the yard owner gives any information about HER yard to.
Why do you think it is?

they could effectively be breaking the law because I didn’t give them permission, for any information about the yard to be said between them!
WTF?
So if I stable your horse, I am not allowed to talk to any of your relatives about MY yard?
Please - I'm fascinated - tell me what law you imagine is being broken here?

LittleSun · 19/10/2022 17:14

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2022 17:04

However, recently he has been coming up to the yard more often to do DIY jobs. These jobs have not gone through me, but rather through my dad. These jobs have had no idea about, and some how I suspect my dad has given the yard manager his number. Was any of this with my knowledge or permission? No!

It's very amusing that you think your father needs your permission to take on jobs or to give out his phone number.

something on the lines, ‘would you mind if I could have your dads number if I needed to contact him more more jobs,’ would of been fine with me.

This is a business my yard manager is running after all. I am her client. I doubt she has every single other livery yard patents or parents on her phone.

client confidentiality law:

Client confidentiality is the principle that an institution or individual should not reveal information about their clients to a third party without the consent of the client or a clear legal reason. This concept, sometimes referred to as social systems of confidentiality, is outlined in numerous laws throughout many countries

why is it important to keep client confidentiality? -

Failure to protect and secure confidential information ie information about the yard. Security, individuals who come on the yard. not everybody knows who my dad is imagine a stranger walking into he yard. Not just me but other liveries protection also.

may not only lead to the loss of business or clients, but it also unlocks the danger of confidential information being misused to commit illegal activity such as fraud. A key element of confidentiality is that it helps build trust.

liveries have thousands upon thousands worth of tack, onthe yard that.

OP posts:
Leakygutter · 19/10/2022 17:17

Client confidentiality relates to things that actually involve the client. So if she'd passed on your address or maybe told someone you were going on holiday. Having someone you know work at her yard is irrelevant. As is telling someone anything about her business, that you happen to be a customer of.

Unfortunately you come across as slightly unhinged on this aspect so it's hard to take the rest seriously.

whatamess2022 · 19/10/2022 17:17

But what information about her client (you) has this lady given away to a third party? This is absurd

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2022 17:18

You are the one who introduced your father to the yard manager, and her asking for his number in no way breeches your confidentiality. You don't have a clue as to what you're going on about.

Rutland2022 · 19/10/2022 17:20

This is absolutely barking. Not helped because there seem to be words missing in your posts? Very hard to follow.

I’m on 5 day part livery. If my Dad wants to start hanging about the yard that’s his business. If he has an affair, that’s shit but also his business. Yards hold very limited personal data, so as long as they aren’t giving out your details to anyone without permission they can do what they like. Your Dad doesn’t need your permission and neither does your yard.
But yes they are probably shagging from the sound of it.

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/10/2022 17:20

But if your dad was doing work for her it’s perfectly reasonable for her to ask, or for him to offer, his contact details for any further work she might have, or indeed to invite him for coffee. He doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do that and it doesn’t compromise your confidentiality in any way whatsoever.

Aikko · 19/10/2022 17:21

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2022 17:18

You are the one who introduced your father to the yard manager, and her asking for his number in no way breeches your confidentiality. You don't have a clue as to what you're going on about.

This.

You set the introduction between them, now they are likely having an affair.
Don't feel bad about that, this is on your father only.

Leakygutter · 19/10/2022 17:21

Information about the yard is only confidential to her (with it being her business). She can do as she chooses with it, as you can with your personal data

MarshaMelrose · 19/10/2022 17:21

What are you talking about? 🤔 I'm so confused. Are you winding us up?
Your dad has done some DIY jobs at the stables for the owner. Neither of them need your permission to exchange phone numbers and communicate directly. The owner can invite anyone she wants to the stables without running it past you. Do you think she consulted with all the other horse owners about your dad visiting?
What has your driving licence got to do with anything?
What confidential information does the livery owner have that you feel she's compromising when she messages your dad?

Thekormachameleon · 19/10/2022 17:22

You sound a bit unhinged with the whole daya breach/client confidentiality business

You introduced your dad to the yard owner, if they have then swapped details abd engaged in a relationship, that is absolutely nothing to do with your agreement with the yard owner as a livery

OhNoOhDearOh · 19/10/2022 17:23

‘something on the lines, ‘would you mind if I could have your dads number if I needed to contact him more more jobs,’ would of been fine with me.’

or… she could ask your dad if she could have his number for future jobs? It’s his number, he owns it?!

sorry you’re a bit batshit here.

PinkButtercups · 19/10/2022 17:25

No one is breaking any laws 🤔.

Also, no one needs your permission to have your dads number. That's weird in itself.

It's pretty shitty if they are having an affair but some things you've said are so strange.

ExtraOnions · 19/10/2022 17:27

This must be a wind up …

.. what “client confidentiality” has been broken ?? None whatsoever, so you can stop barking up that tree.

feathermucker · 19/10/2022 17:28

What information are you suggesting she's given him tha breaks your client confidentiality?!