Is my dad having an affair? Or is just just a breach of client confidentiality?

[LittleSun]

Is my dad having an affair? Or is just just a breach of client confidentiality?

I am just wondering if anybody can help?

At the moment I am in a rather conflicting situation, now for some content. I have my own horse and said horse is on a livery yard. Due to work commitments my horse is on part Livery of 5 to 2 as it is own in the equestrian industry, this is quite common for yards to have this.

This means that my horse gets looked after by the yard manager during the week, and I look after her during the weekend. Obviously, I ride during the week but only in the evenings or when I’m off on annual leave.

I’m in my twenties, have a full driving license. So, my parents don’t often come to the yard maybe about once a month.

My dad is very good at DIY, and he will often do things are my parents house. In the past due to various conversations the topic of my dad being good at DIY has come up on the yard, and in the past the yard manager has asked me whether my dad would be able to fix this, to save money. I’ve said I would ask and my dad has said yes.

However, recently he has been coming up to the yard more often to do DIY jobs. These jobs have not gone through me, but rather through my dad. These jobs have had no idea about, and some how I suspect my dad has given the yard manager his number. Was any of this with my knowledge or permission? No!

Baring this in mind, my yard manager first and foremost runs a business, I pay her to look after my horse. I am her client, no where did I give permission for a third party ie my dad to know information about this yard.

Also recently I’ve been having a gut feeling something is going on between my dad and my yard manager, my mum has noticed there something up with my dad also. Not so long a go, I was taking to dad my about various things, and he showed my a few things on his phone.

On thing lead to another and I managed to get hold of his phone, I said originally that just wanted to look at his apps to see what he has got, I know snooping is wrong but I wanted to see if he was breaching client confidentiality.

My suspicion where heightened because there where messages on WhatsApp’s from my yard manager, some of the messages where a followed:

For some content: my yard manager has a young child from a previous relationship.

One message started of, ‘you gorgeous man’

I’ve seen said child have a relationship like you do with them’

If he comes to the yard he will often interact with her, abs play games with her. A bit too much if you ask me, find it a bit weird why when a Middle Aged man with no relation to this child would want to spend that amount of time.

Lots of flirting emojis, messages like . Do you fancy a coffee?

One that stood out was just a single sentence: ‘

‘happy 9 months,’

so whatever has been happening could of been going on since February of this year. If something has been happening I feel heartbroken for my mum.

Whilst I was looking at his phone, he asked what I looking at . I panicked and said are you having an affair with said Yard Manager, he asked if I snooped. I played dumb, and said I noticed something quickly when I was looking at the said thing. In his response he just said they are ‘very close’

Now I haven’t brought it up since, and I’ve left there and change the conversation. I’ve been trying to keep track of there movements. Just mainly by asking questions, abs writing them down, for example I noticed
and May of been nothing but they where both away on the same weekend recently.

But I’m really conflicted! What do I do? I know some people would say leave it doesn’t concern me if my parents marriage isn’t all it seems but on the other hand they could effectively be breaking the law because I didn’t give them permission, for any information about the yard to be said between them!

At this point I really want to confront my yard manager, but don’t want my dad getting involved. And it turn into a massive argument

Oh please, give the OP a break. Shocked at the bitchy, bullish and unhelpful comments.

Dude.

Unless she's telling your dad confidential information about you, there is no issue.

Who she brings in to maintain her yard is her business.

The only issue is if your dad is shagging her. He's married to your mum so he's to blame there. That is about the only part of it that's your business.

Unless you demand copies of signed confidentiality agreements for every single contractor that sets foot there and any other place you happen to be a client of.

You aren't her 'client' though. She runs a business and you are a customer. You would be a client if she was a solicitor, GP, psychotherapist, but she isn't. Data protection laws apply to your data as a customer. She can't share any of your private data with a third party without your permission. So your dad couldn't ask her for your phone number or email or any personal details about you. But it doesn't work the other way around. She can share anything she wants about herself and her business (just not customer data) with your dad as no data protection laws apply to friendships in that sense.

Certainly sounds like an oddly close relationship though and inappropriate in the sense that he is a married man, but that's between your parents to sort out, however icky it may be.

LittleSun, I’m very sorry that you’ve been put in this position.

You’ve researched breach of confidentiality, but I don’t see any grounds here. The manager hasn’t divulged any information about you to your dad. He already knew that you used this yard. Aware of his DIY talent, the manager asked you to source him for a repair. Afterward, no longer needing a middleman, they made a private arrangement for him to help maintain the property. As the manager, she didn’t need your permission to do this.

Your dad is perpetrating a personal and moral breach, however. Those messages indicate that he is indeed having a EA or PA with the manager. He is betraying you, too, as he is conducting his affair at the premises you frequent. This is a personal abuse of trust by your dad…and the manager.

Focus on helping your mum, as she is unsettled and needs answers. I would tell her what you know. Protecting their secret would corrode your emotional heath. In your shoes, I would seek counseling for support as you process your feelings and navigate this disturbing situation.

LittleSun, please keep posting if you need our support. You might consider starting a new thread that focuses on your dad’s infidelity and your feelings re this betrayal.