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Original poster

Is my dad having an affair? Or is just just a breach of client confidentiality?

54 replies

LittleSun · 19/10/2022 16:37

Is my dad having an affair? Or is just just a breach of client confidentiality?

I am just wondering if anybody can help?

At the moment I am in a rather conflicting situation, now for some content. I have my own horse and said horse is on a livery yard. Due to work commitments my horse is on part Livery of 5 to 2 as it is own in the equestrian industry, this is quite common for yards to have this.

This means that my horse gets looked after by the yard manager during the week, and I look after her during the weekend. Obviously, I ride during the week but only in the evenings or when I’m off on annual leave.

I’m in my twenties, have a full driving license. So, my parents don’t often come to the yard maybe about once a month.

My dad is very good at DIY, and he will often do things are my parents house. In the past due to various conversations the topic of my dad being good at DIY has come up on the yard, and in the past the yard manager has asked me whether my dad would be able to fix this, to save money. I’ve said I would ask and my dad has said yes.

However, recently he has been coming up to the yard more often to do DIY jobs. These jobs have not gone through me, but rather through my dad. These jobs have had no idea about, and some how I suspect my dad has given the yard manager his number. Was any of this with my knowledge or permission? No!

Baring this in mind, my yard manager first and foremost runs a business, I pay her to look after my horse. I am her client, no where did I give permission for a third party ie my dad to know information about this yard.

Also recently I’ve been having a gut feeling something is going on between my dad and my yard manager, my mum has noticed there something up with my dad also. Not so long a go, I was taking to dad my about various things, and he showed my a few things on his phone.

On thing lead to another and I managed to get hold of his phone, I said originally that just wanted to look at his apps to see what he has got, I know snooping is wrong but I wanted to see if he was breaching client confidentiality.

My suspicion where heightened because there where messages on WhatsApp’s from my yard manager, some of the messages where a followed:

For some content: my yard manager has a young child from a previous relationship.

One message started of, ‘you gorgeous man’

I’ve seen said child have a relationship like you do with them’

If he comes to the yard he will often interact with her, abs play games with her. A bit too much if you ask me, find it a bit weird why when a Middle Aged man with no relation to this child would want to spend that amount of time.

Lots of flirting emojis, messages like . Do you fancy a coffee?

One that stood out was just a single sentence: ‘

‘happy 9 months,’

so whatever has been happening could of been going on since February of this year. If something has been happening I feel heartbroken for my mum.

Whilst I was looking at his phone, he asked what I looking at . I panicked and said are you having an affair with said Yard Manager, he asked if I snooped. I played dumb, and said I noticed something quickly when I was looking at the said thing. In his response he just said they are ‘very close’

Now I haven’t brought it up since, and I’ve left there and change the conversation. I’ve been trying to keep track of there movements. Just mainly by asking questions, abs writing them down, for example I noticed
and May of been nothing but they where both away on the same weekend recently.

But I’m really conflicted! What do I do? I know some people would say leave it doesn’t concern me if my parents marriage isn’t all it seems but on the other hand they could effectively be breaking the law because I didn’t give them permission, for any information about the yard to be said between them!

At this point I really want to confront my yard manager, but don’t want my dad getting involved. And it turn into a massive argument

OP posts:
stirrednevershaken · 19/10/2022 17:31

You alright OP?

ArcticSkewer · 19/10/2022 17:33

No, you don't get to control two adults talking and swapping numbers, or doing work, just because you are related to one of them.

Also, no you shouldn't be looking through people's phones

America12 · 19/10/2022 17:33

I can't believe what I've just read 😂 get a grip

HereForTheCommentsB · 19/10/2022 17:43

Sorry, I know the important issue here is your Dad's likely affair, but the fixation on 'illegal activity' means it's difficult to take the whole thing seriously.

Does the yard owner need to ask your permission whenever she contracts anyone to do work on her business? What about the farrier? Whoever delivers the hay?

Are you insinuating your Dad may rob the equi centre?

If he doesn't do the diy, someone else will, is that ok with you? Will you be appointed head of vetting?

LoekMa · 19/10/2022 17:48

Your permission 😂 whatttt on earth

beenwhereyouare · 19/10/2022 19:52

First of all I'm sorry for what has happened.

I say this kindly- from a stranger's perspective client confidentiality shouldn't be your focus. That is why you're getting the stick instead of any helpful advice.The client thing is a symbol of you attempting to deal with their relationship. It has no bearing here, legal or not. Let that part go. What they're doing is what's important. You may want to, but pursuing the legal side of things isn't going to help at all. It detracts attention from what's really wrong.

You're worried about their relationship and if he's cheating on your mother, either physically or by getting too closely involved emotionally with this woman. I'm afraid you may be right. Something is going on.

Your biggest role here is to support your mother. You say she's already noticed his behavior, so be gentle but I think she deserves to know what you saw and what he said. Again, not bringing up client confidentiality. I don't know exactly how you can help her, but I think there are resources out there who can advise you.

Ignore people who say it's none of your business Each of the three has nvolved you to some extent. Your mum already knows something is wrong here, she mentioned it to you for a reason. Your dad has made it your business by getting involved with someone in your life. He's not been very discreet about it, either. And the Yard Manager has involved you by engaging in a questionable relationship with your dad. They cannot seriously expect you to just ignore everything.

You mother needs to protect herself, physically but also financially. She needs advice from someone who can help her protect herself now from the fallout, before he knows shas suspicions. Maybe a divorce attorney or a Women's advocate?

Lastly, you don't need to feel guilty about looking at his phone. Determining If something is going on and helping your mother look out for herself is more important than his privacy. You only looked because he was acting suspiciously, and when you looked you found something. His behavior is on him.

Before you talk to any of them, please get advice from a professional. You're the one who knows your parents and how they are likely to behave. You need support too, and having a plan for dealing with this will help you.

I hope things work out, and remember that whatever you mother decides is her responsibility. Either of your parent's decisions, for that matter. Support from you is what she needs the most.

Don't forget to protect yourself, too.

ArcticSkewer · 19/10/2022 20:04

Looking at his phone is not acceptable, regardless of suspicions. If my child or adult children did that, I would be absolutely furious. Talk about lack of boundaries and zero concept of privacy. Don't encourage op in her madness, @beenwhereyouare

katieg03 · 19/10/2022 20:43

"Baring this in mind, my yard manager first and foremost runs a business, I pay her to look after my horse. I am her client, no where did I give permission for a third party ie my dad to know information about this yard. "

It's not your yard. Your dad is clearly a grown man. He'sqde the choice to exchange numbers with her and do the work. I'd be insanely impressed if the yard owner didn't have a single third party on the premises.
This is madness. She has not broken any laws

KettrickenSmiled · 19/10/2022 20:47

You may want to, but pursuing the legal side of things isn't going to help at all. It detracts attention from what's really wrong.
There is no legal side to things.
PP should not be encouraging OP in her strange delusion that there is.

Before you talk to any of them, please get advice from a professional.
A professional what?
There is no professional body that deals with your livery yard owner having an affair with your dad.

It's a mess, & OP's mum & probably OP herself are going to feel very hurt.
The fact that the dad's being so blatant is even more hurtful. But there is no "professional advice" to be had in this sad scenario.

ViolinPin · 19/10/2022 21:05

Oh I'm sorry op, I understand your need to have some control over this situation, maybe you feel some guilt or responsibility that you introduced them to one another.

It isn't your fault, your mother will understand this, the legal ethics don't come into it, but moral ethics do, and your father's very blatent dismissal of you and your mom's feelings.

I personally would be distancing myself from this horrible stable owner and if possible taking my buisness elsewhere.

What a horrible possition your father has put you in.

Greennetting · 19/10/2022 21:20

Client confidentiality is the principle that an institution or individual should not reveal information about their clients to a third party without the consent of the client or a clear legal reason. This concept, sometimes referred to as social systems of confidentiality, is outlined in numerous laws throughout many countries

Precisely what client information has the yard owner divulged to your father without the clients permission

Your fathers phone number is his own, and he is not a client therefore it is not confidential

Having a coffee, spending time with her child, chatting with her on the phone, suspicious maybe, client information no

Unless there is some huge drip feed about something else you saw in the chat you seem to be confusing the yard owners business, with her clients information.

And unless your father has a history of fraud that comment is baffling

PinkButtercups · 19/10/2022 21:25

But they haven't discussed you?

Maybe you have some guilt but if something is going on with them this isn't your fault.

Feart · 19/10/2022 21:34

This is a strange post! As others have said no laws have been broken here. I can’t believe you checked your dad’s phone! 😱 I think I would be traumatised if I looked at my dad’s phone! 🤦‍♀️😂
Your dad might be having an affair but your parents relationship is their business. I would definitely stay well out of it!

Cheaterlove · 19/10/2022 21:35

Greennetting · 19/10/2022 21:20

Client confidentiality is the principle that an institution or individual should not reveal information about their clients to a third party without the consent of the client or a clear legal reason. This concept, sometimes referred to as social systems of confidentiality, is outlined in numerous laws throughout many countries

Precisely what client information has the yard owner divulged to your father without the clients permission

Your fathers phone number is his own, and he is not a client therefore it is not confidential

Having a coffee, spending time with her child, chatting with her on the phone, suspicious maybe, client information no

Unless there is some huge drip feed about something else you saw in the chat you seem to be confusing the yard owners business, with her clients information.

And unless your father has a history of fraud that comment is baffling

There is definitely more to this, but I just don’t want to say anything more. In case someone works out who I am. And all hell breaks lose. If I wrote down word for word what they said they would definitely work out who it is.

speaking of fraud thing, yes this is why have said it. Again im trying to be discreet but I will say this. There is history in fraud!

Cheaterlove · 19/10/2022 21:35

Greennetting · 19/10/2022 21:20

Client confidentiality is the principle that an institution or individual should not reveal information about their clients to a third party without the consent of the client or a clear legal reason. This concept, sometimes referred to as social systems of confidentiality, is outlined in numerous laws throughout many countries

Precisely what client information has the yard owner divulged to your father without the clients permission

Your fathers phone number is his own, and he is not a client therefore it is not confidential

Having a coffee, spending time with her child, chatting with her on the phone, suspicious maybe, client information no

Unless there is some huge drip feed about something else you saw in the chat you seem to be confusing the yard owners business, with her clients information.

And unless your father has a history of fraud that comment is baffling

There is definitely more to this, but I just don’t want to say anything more. In case someone works out who I am. And all hell breaks lose. If I wrote down word for word what they said they would definitely work out who it is.

speaking of fraud thing, yes this is why have said it. Again im trying to be discreet but I will say this. There is history in fraud!

Cheaterlove · 19/10/2022 21:38

beenwhereyouare · 19/10/2022 19:52

First of all I'm sorry for what has happened.

I say this kindly- from a stranger's perspective client confidentiality shouldn't be your focus. That is why you're getting the stick instead of any helpful advice.The client thing is a symbol of you attempting to deal with their relationship. It has no bearing here, legal or not. Let that part go. What they're doing is what's important. You may want to, but pursuing the legal side of things isn't going to help at all. It detracts attention from what's really wrong.

You're worried about their relationship and if he's cheating on your mother, either physically or by getting too closely involved emotionally with this woman. I'm afraid you may be right. Something is going on.

Your biggest role here is to support your mother. You say she's already noticed his behavior, so be gentle but I think she deserves to know what you saw and what he said. Again, not bringing up client confidentiality. I don't know exactly how you can help her, but I think there are resources out there who can advise you.

Ignore people who say it's none of your business Each of the three has nvolved you to some extent. Your mum already knows something is wrong here, she mentioned it to you for a reason. Your dad has made it your business by getting involved with someone in your life. He's not been very discreet about it, either. And the Yard Manager has involved you by engaging in a questionable relationship with your dad. They cannot seriously expect you to just ignore everything.

You mother needs to protect herself, physically but also financially. She needs advice from someone who can help her protect herself now from the fallout, before he knows shas suspicions. Maybe a divorce attorney or a Women's advocate?

Lastly, you don't need to feel guilty about looking at his phone. Determining If something is going on and helping your mother look out for herself is more important than his privacy. You only looked because he was acting suspiciously, and when you looked you found something. His behavior is on him.

Before you talk to any of them, please get advice from a professional. You're the one who knows your parents and how they are likely to behave. You need support too, and having a plan for dealing with this will help you.

I hope things work out, and remember that whatever you mother decides is her responsibility. Either of your parent's decisions, for that matter. Support from you is what she needs the most.

Don't forget to protect yourself, too.

Thank you, I appreciate it. I know others have thought definitely! It’s a very tricky situation, part of me wants to talk to one of them, but don’t want to make myself look like an idiot if they just try and deny it though. So, the advice is helpful

KettrickenSmiled · 19/10/2022 21:40

There is definitely more to this, but I just don’t want to say anything more. In case someone works out who I am. And all hell breaks lose. If I wrote down word for word what they said they would definitely work out who it is.

speaking of fraud thing, yes this is why have said it. Again im trying to be discreet but I will say this. There is history in fraud!

OP, is this you, with a name change fail?
If it is - you're still not making a jot of sense.

Cheaterlove · 19/10/2022 21:46

KettrickenSmiled · 19/10/2022 21:40

There is definitely more to this, but I just don’t want to say anything more. In case someone works out who I am. And all hell breaks lose. If I wrote down word for word what they said they would definitely work out who it is.

speaking of fraud thing, yes this is why have said it. Again im trying to be discreet but I will say this. There is history in fraud!

OP, is this you, with a name change fail?
If it is - you're still not making a jot of sense.

Look if you’ve got nothing nice, or helpful to say. Don’t say it at all!

and please leave this thread

Greennetting · 19/10/2022 21:55

and please leave this thread thats not how it works

Look what do you want from this thread. If you firmly believe your data has been breached you can report the livery owner to the ICO. If you think your mum should know there might be an affair you can tell her. You can confront your dad, you can confront the livery owner and you can move your horse.

But ultimately all the stuff about client confidentiality is besides the point unless you are planning on a legal route and nothing you have put here would back this up.

Abd if you are worried about your dad committing fraud why on earth did you recommend him in the first place?

KettrickenSmiled · 19/10/2022 22:04

Look what do you want from this thread. If you firmly believe your data has been breached you can report the livery owner to the ICO

It's baffling innit @Greennetting
"Hello - is that the Fraud Office? I think my livery yard owner is divulging the contents of my horse's feed bucket to my, er, dad - plus I'm convinced she's been selling him the secret of who my farrier is .... can you blue light a squad here & put them both in manacles?"

KettrickenSmiled · 19/10/2022 22:07

Look if you’ve got nothing nice, or helpful to say. Don’t say it at all!
Look, if you've got nothing sane or logical to impart, don;t start a thread!

and please leave this thread
I don't think you understand how chat forums work.
Or how adults are free to converse with other adults.

FloraMillie · 19/10/2022 22:16

And this is why I no longer have liveries 😂although I definitely didn't have an affair with anyone's dad!

ViolinPin · 19/10/2022 22:18

There is clearly much you are not divulging and that is your perogative, it leads to less actual help but as you say if you wish to remain anonymous, that is up to you.

If you believe laws are being broken then I would act upon your concience.

I do feel you attacked @KettrickenSmiled for no logical reason.

Haffiana · 19/10/2022 22:23

I don't think OP is an adult. I think she is about 12.

No adult holding down a full time job can be this naive about 'client confidentiality' and 'permission' whereas OP doesn't even know what the words mean.

ViolinPin · 19/10/2022 22:26

Haffiana · 19/10/2022 22:23

I don't think OP is an adult. I think she is about 12.

No adult holding down a full time job can be this naive about 'client confidentiality' and 'permission' whereas OP doesn't even know what the words mean.

Oh God, I hope not. 😞