Is this a joke?

[Starfly]

My boyfriend of 5 years was joking around with my daughter the other night. He was drunk which is not an excuse.
I was in the living room and they were in the kitchen. He was at the fridge with his back to her he pulled his pants down and mooned her. I didn’t realise straight away what had happened. She has just turned 18 years old.
next day she was upset by this. I think it’s not a joke if that’s what he thought.
I did ask him over the phone the next day and he said he couldn’t remember then he said it wasn’t a proper moon just messing about. She said it was a proper showing his bum.
He got mad and hung up the phone. I was the one who is mad about this!

Inappropriate, x

LTB, or dont. Whatever choice you make, make sure you don't begin treating your poor daughrer like the OW who broke up your sham of a relationship.

Odds are your lovely BF is hoping you do, so he can reach out to your 18yo with a sincere apology and get to spend more time with her.

Writing's on the wall OP 🥱 you know what happens next

Fucking hell. Tell him to take a running jump OP.

Would he have done it to a man, his parents, colleagues at a work do, probably not.
Defensive because he knows he was being inappropriate.
Genuine drunkenness/mistake or whatever excuse would have had him apologise to you and her straight way.

Imagine if you laughed at this as previous poster said, how would she be confident enough to talk to you if things turned out to be sinister.

Well said. He did this because sees your daughter as young and powerless. He's a creep and I hope you LTB.

I don't see the issue either really. Bum cheeks don't look much dissimilar to tits really and I'm sure she sees loads if those in low tops throughout the day. The dd is an adult and it wasnt malicious, just a stupid 'joke'.

So if OP had flashed her boobs at her BF's teenage son, that would be fine?

Because thats the equivalent. And that would be incredibly inappropriate and grounds to dump as well.

If you don't end it with this guy you are telling your daughter that her feelings don't matter and that men can do what they want. You could end up losing her for good once she realises this.

I thought that. What if it was his own sister and their stepdad? He doesn’t have any children.
I’m shocked still and couldn’t work yesterday. Spoken to my daughter and nothing else has happened before. He never apologised and has kept away.

So his drinking has worsened and now he's been gross to your daughter, lied when confronted then played the 'god it was just a joke / don't be so sensitive' type card which means he does remember it, been adding other women on fb to 'see what comes back' then had a go at you for questioning this saying you don't trust him...

What will it take for you to break up with this absolute arsehole and remove him from not just your life but your daughter's too?

Because while she's already technically an adult, she will still be watching and learning from you.

And she's being taught that men can treat women like shit and women should put up with it. Even if they make the woman's child uncomfortable by being naked in front of them.

Come on now OP, isn't it time to end it? Otherwise you're basically choosing him over your daughter and your mental health.

If you flashed your butt to a cowoeker in a professional setting you would be fired for sexual harrassment in 2.5 seconds.

So why exactly do you think it's ok to do it at home to a vulnerable teenager?

Your opinion is disgusting

So does that mean it's over with him?

It’s sexual harassment.

It’s a power play (he would never do it to anyone else but she is somehow fair game for him to expose himself to).

He wants her to have to see his naked body. She had no choice.

He has forced himself across a boundary.

What comes next? What’s the next boundary he will want to cross with your daughter?

I couldn’t ever see this person in the same way again.

I've seen this before, the 'play fighting' which looks like bonding between step father and daughter, which tends to go on through the the teen years and older.

A point in which real actual fathers don't overstep over a certain age.

A girl's personal space should be respected also the conversations she is exposed to should be monitored with adult men in the home.

His idea of fun and jinx is innapropriate and I wish women with boyfriends would see this, it is uncomfortable and confusing for daughters who are growing up, they do not usually even understand the wrongness of it untill they are much older with their own children.

Be the adult and open your eyes.

That's disgusting.

Nope not a joke.

Sexual harassment. In your daughter's own home.

You are the responsible adult and should take her feelings and her safety seriously.

I think this bears repeating. The most dangerous thing you can do to a girl is bring an unrelated man into her home as a new 'family member'. Boundaries get really blurry if you aren't extremely careful.

There is a world of difference between a bit of cleavage, whether bum or breast, and complete exposure. A bit of accidental builder's bum in the supermarket is one thing but I bet you wouldn't walk around Tesco with your entire arse on display.

As to the "it's just a joke" excuse, that doesn't wash for me. I have quite an active sense of humour and have been known to crack a joke or two. When I do, I'm hoping to make people smile, maybe even laugh. If it has the opposite effect and upsets or offends someone then that's on me. I would apologise sincerely and without fuss. Putting the blame on the other party and making out that their supposed lack of a sense of humour is the root of the problem is just confirming that the joker doesn't care if they cause offense. "It's only a joke" and "it's just banter" are expressions you will never hear from a reasonable, caring person.