Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Am I in the wrong? (would go on AIBU but feeling a bit to shaky for the straight talking there)

55 replies

Doingdoingdont · 15/10/2022 21:53

This seems so petty typing it up sorry in advance if it's long but I don't want to miss details .

Tonight ordered a takeaway, only had £50 note in the house (which I got in a bday card in summer this year) so specifically called the shop to ask if driver would accept this as DH said they wouldn't take 50, girl said no problem so I placed the order. Waited ages, when driver turned up with food he refused the £50 as it is not a plastic note, now never usually seeing/using a £50 note I didn't even think of this. Embarrassing, but no big deal, except I didn't answer the door it was DH. He is so angry, saying I made him answer the door deliberately as I was "fly as fuck" and that he told me they wouldn't take it as it was paper but he didn't he told me that they wouldn't take a £50, he said nothing about plastic notes. He was in a rage telling me I never admit I'm wrong when I tried to explain I had checked with the takeaway. He was so viscous and keeps going on and on about it. He is so angry. I came upstairs to stay away from him so the DCs don't see me upset which he says is me making him the bad guy.

He says the shop will bill us now so I phoned to explain and apologise but the owner answered and was really belligerent (I can see his point he has sent out an order only to have to take it back) but he was so horrible and told me I was "stupid" for not mentioning it was a paper note and no one takes them now. For the record DC got a similar £50 about the same time from the same person and spent it in a shop not long ago.

I feel so stupid.

OP posts:

ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 15/10/2022 21:56

I'm sorry love, the paper ones went out of circulation at the end of September, though a bank might still change them.

Your bloke sounds rather unkind though. Is this usual behaviour for him?

ncncncnc123 · 15/10/2022 21:56

I think the shop owner should have asked and was rude, and I think your husband sounds like a drama queen.

BCBird · 15/10/2022 21:58

It seems to me that the shop owner and your not so darling partner are being ass*roles. Anyone can make a mistake. I.would not tolerate simeone bring belligerent nor callin me stupid. Take care

Travelbunny · 15/10/2022 21:59

Oh op. Just a silly mistake anyone could have made.
i think your dh and the shop have overreacted in the language they have used.
Very frustrating for the shop as it’s cost them time and money, which you should pay of course. But to call you stupid was very rude and unnecessary

Original poster

Doingdoingdont · 15/10/2022 22:03

I feel so shit. It seems like such a nothing typing it up but I can't stop crying.

DH was literally following me about the house to tell me he told me they wouldn't accept it. He is in a horrible rage with me.

He can be difficult when drinking but he is sober tonight.

OP posts:

biggirlknickers · 15/10/2022 22:05

Oh OP - cut yourself some slack. You are not stupid. They (DH and shop owner) are massively overreacting.

You have not deliberately hurt anyone. Why would they be so angry with you?

Is your DH often unreasonably angry?

Blowyourowntrumpet · 15/10/2022 22:09

You've done nothing wrong, it was a genuine mistake. Your DH sounds awful. I'm sorry you're so upset.

ToFindNewWays · 15/10/2022 22:12

Your H sounds like a terrifyingly aggressive prick. You made an honest mistake!

Your H is in the wrong for being inappropriately angry at you.

The restaurant owner was stupidly rude and could have found a solution. You won’t go there again.

Sorry OP - do not feel any guilt about this at all, but perhaps imagine a life without your arsehole H.

Stade197 · 15/10/2022 22:14

You've done nothing wrong, it was a mistake.

DH is overreacting, it may have been a little annoying for him that he was embarrassed at the door and you guys didn't get your food but there's really no need to get that angry & shout about it

Miajk · 15/10/2022 22:22

Did your DH say they wouldn't accept the note because it's a 50 or because it's an old note?

It's annoying when you specifically tell someone and they do the opposite/don't listen - does this happen a lot? Where your DH tells you something and you go ahead and it turns out you could have listened?

With that said though, even if it does, his reaction is quite unkind. You made a silly mistake, it's hardly the end of the world. Why didn't they just let you pay with card over the phone?

Original poster

Doingdoingdont · 15/10/2022 22:28

Miajk · 15/10/2022 22:22

Did your DH say they wouldn't accept the note because it's a 50 or because it's an old note?

With that said though, even if it does, his reaction is quite unkind. You made a silly mistake, it's hardly the end of the world. Why didn't they just let you pay with card over the phone?

He said they wouldn't accept it because it's a £50 nothing about old or new notes, we don't have enough money in our "switch"account to pay with the card - I have transferred some from our other account but as it is the weekend it can take ages to go over.

OP posts:

blacksax · 15/10/2022 22:31

Your husband is absolutely despicable. There was absolutely no need for him to behave like that over a genuine mistake.

Any normal, reasonable, decent person would not have reacted like that.

LuckyLil · 15/10/2022 22:38

I think it's just one of those things. It was only a couple of weeks ago the paper ones went out of circulation. You can probably still take it to a bank. I can't really see it should be on the shop owner to ask in advance if it is paper or plastic as in fairness it's up to us to take notice when we get plenty of updates in the media to prepare us. Yes, I know it goes right over our heads at times..it's not a crime to not think at the time it might be an old note.

WeepingSomnambulist · 15/10/2022 22:41

The husband stuff aside, you need to pay the restaurant. They made the food and tried to deliver it; the fuel, time and ingredients have been used up. You'd better call up and pay.

When you called and asked the restaurant if they would take a £50, they would have assumed you meant the notes actually atill accepted, not a note which is no longer valid. If I was your husband, I'd have assumed that you checked with them about it being paper.

It is annoying when you tell someone they cant use/do something and they ignore you, then you're proved right but you're the one having to deal with it. He had to stand at the door and deal with the driver. So, yeah, that is really annoying.

His reaction though, is out of line. That level is nastiness is too much. Being annoyed and having a word with you about it is fine, and being annoyed about the wasted money (because you still have to pay for it but dont get the food) is obviously fine; it's ok to be annoyed and to tell you so, but it is not ok to behave the way he is.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/10/2022 22:46

Your husband sounds like a dick. I have heard that the £50 paper nodes have gone out of circulation but the way he is speaking to you is unacceptable

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/10/2022 22:51

I can see why the shop is irritated but I presume that you’ve paid , or are going to pay, them for the order by card so once that had been settled, the owner had no cause to be belligerent.

Annoying for your DH to be the one that answered the door and had to deal with it but no need for him to continue to be aggressive - he needs to get over it!

Frith2013 · 15/10/2022 22:54

Is he always a twat?

Discovereads · 15/10/2022 23:05

Well, did you admit you were wrong? He said they wouldn’t take the £50 note and he was right. But you ignored him. Ordered take away. Then had him answer the door to try to pay with a £50 he knew they wouldn’t accept.

You say he’s in a rage and saying you won’t admit you’re wrong…you say you’re trying to explain that the takeaway said they’d take the £50 note…not once do you say that you have said ooops my mistake to either him or the restaurant owner.

I agree your DH is being an asshole to be “in a rage”, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve admitted you were wrong and apologised for the situation? In fact it sounds like you are saying it is his fault because he didn’t specify the reason they would not take the £50 is because it’s paper not plastic? How is this his fault exactly?

This could be a camel and straw situation if that’s what you usually do. Blame the person who warned you that they didn’t warn you in exactly the right way for you to listen….

DotDotaDash · 15/10/2022 23:07

He felt embarrassed and it consequently acting like a nasty pratt.

fwiw I knew nothing about paper notes being out of circulation so I’ll sit on the naughty step with you and keep you company.

i don’t like your DH behaviour

FacebookPhotos · 15/10/2022 23:11

YourDH sounds like an aggressive arsehole. It doesn’t sound like it is a one-off either. I think you need to get some sleep and have a proper think tomorrow if you really want to be with someone who treats you this way.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/10/2022 23:17

Your 'D'H sounds like a really nasty piece of work.

Adults are able to deal with a little embarrassment and take it in their stride. Not get het up and stamp about, looking for someone to lash out against, hurt and humiliate.

He sounds worse, more out of control and much, much nastier than a tantrumming toddler.

Pixiedust1234 · 15/10/2022 23:18

@Discovereads - the op rang the restaurant to check if they would accept it. They said yes.

Im so sorry OP, you seem to be caught in the middle and you tried to do it right. I can offer nothing else except sympathy. Take the note to your bank as soon as possible as they will start refusing it at some point too.

Discovereads · 15/10/2022 23:21

Pixiedust1234 · 15/10/2022 23:18

@Discovereads - the op rang the restaurant to check if they would accept it. They said yes.

Yes I know, but she didn’t tell them it was a paper £50 note which is not legal currency. It’s the same as having £50 in Monopoly money. The takeaway didn’t tell her that they’d accept currency that isn’t legal. It’s her mistake.

WeepingSomnambulist · 15/10/2022 23:21

The OP's behaviour could also not be a one off. Her husband said that she never admits when she is wrong. That could be true, or it could be something he just said in anger. But if it is true, then maybe this is just the last straw for him.

My ex was like that. Never admitted fault and never apologised. He is actually trying to actively teach out sons not to apologise. Total headfuck.

Living with someone who will not admit fault and will not apologise, even over small, stupid things, is horrible. And I could understand having a mad outburst if at the end of my tether.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/10/2022 23:22

Pixiedust1234 · 15/10/2022 23:18

@Discovereads - the op rang the restaurant to check if they would accept it. They said yes.

They said yes, they would accept a £50 note, but as far as I can see, the OP didn’t tell them that it was a paper one and thus no longer legal tender. I imagine they not unreasonably assumed that she was simply asking whether they’d take a £50 note as many places don’t because of the risk of it being counterfeit - not whether they’d take a note which is no longer in circulation!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread