Online dating - is this a red flag

[Newusernameaug]

OLD - Just started chatting to this guy the last few days, my intuition and gut is telling me somethings not right, but I can’t articulate why, here’s the most recent message I’ve just received.
would this be classed as love bombing or future faking - for context we've not spoken verbally, video, this is literally just a few messages in.

it’s the second time he’s asked what I’m looking for, d previously said ‘I’m looking for ‘the one’ but been single 10+ years and I’ve only join tinder this past week as wanted to meet new people and explore the new area I’m living in’ - he then asked again, am I looking to marry, or just chat to people.

You're way too intelligent for him OP. That's a load of copy and paste flannel. Totally meaningless and shows he has little social awareness if genuine. It's not appropriate to say the he hopes someone he's only just started chatting to will be the unconditional love of his life.

Best case scenario, he honestly wants a LTR but doesn't care with whom. He just wants a woman who will unquestioningly put up with him. He won't even see her for who she is or listen to a word she says. Worst? Scammer probably.

Most likely? Love bomber looking for sex.

Thanks everyone.

I sent him a message saying, I don’t think we’re suited. All the best x ‘
he replied with why? I said we’re just not on the same page. He then asked what I did want.
Then delete blocked.

so yeah I chickened out of any confrontation or being honest with him, because I just didn’t want any of that bother, I also didn’t want to ghost as it’s never nice.

I’m living in a gorgeous part of the country where loads of people visit for outdoor holidays, and so the countryside here is full of gorgeous men - but can I actually find one in person or online to date?! I’ve had 1 date in 8 months of living here.

Why oh why is dating so hard these days!! 😂

If it was a scammer, you did the best thing in not answering as to why. You don’t want to inadvertently help them improve their scam!

You handled that brilliantly well done!

You can totally meet people offline. You just get chatting to people and if you like one another you flirt and it turns into a date.

As long as you're talking to people when out and letting them see your personality I don't see how it can be hard.

if I were wanting to date now I'd join groups and classes in all my spare time, time that could be spent on dating apps, and go to them and form proper relationships which begin as friendships because the friendship part is how you get to know them genuinely.

Yeah you know your dating game is bad when the only potential love interest is a scammer!!

The most annoying thing is I’ve battled with my weight for over 10 years and in the past year I’ve lost weight and am finally happy with my figure - I even posted my first ever bikini photo (wild swimming!) on social media this week, but i can’t seem to find a man 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

Don't live your life "trying to find a man"

Live it trying to have fun and meet interesting people, and a man will eventually be one of those people.

Live it as wanting to enjoy your life and do interesting things, and men will be doing them as well and will be attracted to you because you are enjoying life, are a positive happy person who is not living their life looking for a man.

Well done on delete and block.
Very likely a scammer or love bomber.

That is why I wouldn't ever really tell them what I'm looking for or the qualities I look for. It's far too easy for men to fake it.

My standard response to those questions is, "I'll know it when I see it"

This. What do you get upto in your spare time? Sounds like there must be some walking/paddle board/ mountain bike groups up there. If I lived where you do I would be taking up these hobbies .

Scam.

The language used is really odd.

That’s good advice, thank you.
Thinking about it I haven’t actually joined any groups, I explore the countryside loads but mostly solo or with one other person.

it’s probably become more apparent to me these past few weeks how lonely I am as I’ve just started college - at 42 years old! 😂
I’m surrounded by 16-19 year olds making friends and dating, so I think I’ve realised that there is life out there, I live in the countryside and work from home so unless I travel out for events, I’ve realised I don’t get out much.

And now I’m feeling fun and confident and all my clothes fit I need to strategically think about ways to network / make friends - so thanks for the tips everyone!

Scammer! It's a cut and paste job from a catfish. Bet he's a widow too!

I love it best thing ive ever done

This. What do you get upto in your spare time? Sounds like there must be some walking/paddle board/ mountain bike groups up there. If I lived where you do I would be taking up these hobbies

I wild swim
I go running
I do rambling
I paddle board and have one
I do conscious dancing

but all of them alone or with my son, or with a girl friend.

So I need to think of local groups to join! 🙌

Absolutely this. Abusive men often mirror you at the beginning making you think he's wonderful as he wants everything you want!

Brilliant! Look at Meetup website and also some free or cheap courses like creative writing or something. Also, there are many meetings for things like political stuff and there are communities online such as facebook that then do live meet ups.

I'm glad you find the advice useful. I met my husband at an interest group and we were acquaintances for a couple of years before we got together. We knew we liked one another but there's a big age gap and I was with someone else at first but when we finally got together it was worth the wait. We're married now.

Also I recently joined another interest group to relieve some stress and I realise how easy it is to meet people when you are just going out and finding social groups. I'm in my forties myself and I'm actually realising life can begin at 40.

Good luck!

I’ve been single for 10 years and only joined tinder this week, I’ve not bothered online dating for over 5 years so thank you but what you’re saying doesn’t always work.

I’ve spent years not actively looking to date at all.

however as I mentioned, I’m living in a brand new area, don’t know many people, I’m feeling really good about myself, I now have a very strong identity, likes and dislikes.

however my dating instinct is now poor, I feel a bit out of practice, and that’s why I wanted the vipers opinions on here.
of course I’m going to feel a little pulled in already by this guy. I’ve only matched with one or two people and this guys photos were hot 😍
He had gorgeous blue eyes and one of the photos was with a dog. They weren’t model pics either, they looked very genuine, that’s why I wanted to check that I wasn’t over reacting to have alarm bells going off.

So I’m not desperate.
I do live my life to the full.

however there’s also nothing wrong with joining a dating app with a view of going - hey, here I am, is there any match out there?! :)

Awww thank you so much!

that’s really inspired me, you’re right it is so easy and I find meeting new people easy, I think I’ve just forgotten to do it if that makes sense!

Definitely. I took up running when I was single. Joined a fantastic club and have met so many people. I met my partner on pof though. however if I was single again I would look at roAd cycling or walking groups. Good luck you have got this

This just slid into my dm’s….. he’s married too 🙄
‘You are quite attractive’ for fucks sake, negging as an opening line.

I’ve convinced my son to come out with me to our local town this evening, going to find some live music and see what happens!

God yes, move on, all a bit too much.....

Hey 1st post, looking for advice about online dating! Joined 2 months ago, been chatting to 1 guy (12 yrs younger) I'm 46 , chats been going good , he works away 5 nights but we msg every day & night. Sent me a pic of him & his little boy etc, finally got a date sorted for daytime last week & he slept in and missed it, obvs apologised when woke up & said was gutted about it.am I just wasting my time here or give him 1 more chance?

Sorry I thought I was making own post not posting in someone else's! Apologies to original poster x

Sounds like one I was talking to recently. It just seriously gives me the ick. You get these men on OLD who seem to be on some kind of moralistic high horse about wanting to commit to someone they barely know, and it’s like they think it’s what you want to hear when really OLD should just be getting to know people until you meet someone you really like and taking it from there.

Where did he say he was from? He’s not English, is he?

Ewwww way too cringe. My ex wasn’t this intense but did a bit of future faking, he ended up dumping me the minute things became a bit tricky and I didn’t fulfil his “fantasy” relationship.

Also, I know this sounds silly but looking at the screenshot, he replies instantly as well lol and that’d give me the ick!! 😂