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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I the loser magnet or overreacting

82 replies

Loserlacey · 10/10/2022 23:00

Been speaking to a guy less than a week a week from Online dating.

Tonight we are no longer talking and he’s blocked me.

some things are a bit of, such as him wanting/expecting a hug when we meet but others I’m just thinking is there a guy out there for me.

Im bad at communicating. I’ve done lots of Therapy but I did outline to this guy what I wanted. I really don’t like making a lot of decisions and want a man to be head of household. He was fine with that…. But now he’s sort of said I’ve got all these demands like a tick box etc… I suggested he perhaps had the same etc.

anyway, who cares, he’s blocked me.

any thing I can do as I seem to be attracting men who can’t communicate or don’t treat me well :(

OP posts:
Handsy · 11/10/2022 20:09

Doingprettywellthanks · 11/10/2022 17:48

Shit

you ignored both times I asked if you have children

that means you do in all likelihood

Yeah I thought that too. Worrying.

OP you can't give random online men a shopping list of everything you want, your vulnerabilities, hopes and dreams. That's not being direct, that's leaving yourself (and children?) open to abusive men who will use the information to colour themselves as your ideal until they get what they want. YOU need to be aware of your own ideal man shopping list which you keep to yourself. Don't reveal all your cards, too much too soon. You're leaving yourself open to abuse. Very vulnerable position. They don't need to know you're submissive up front, they don't need to know you want an assertive man.. you find out if he is assertive in a kind way in time, through courting, observing and keeping your eyes and ears open for red flags.. not hand the man (men) the keys to everything upfront.
Lamb asking to be led to slaughter is just spot on here. Please wake up.

Happyher · 11/10/2022 20:23

Some people might view someone not wanting to make decisions as lazy. It’s hard to be the one always making the decision and maybe that’s how he felt. He was looking for a partner not a dependent.

Begoniasforever · 11/10/2022 20:44

Happyher · 11/10/2022 20:23

Some people might view someone not wanting to make decisions as lazy. It’s hard to be the one always making the decision and maybe that’s how he felt. He was looking for a partner not a dependent.

I am not sure that’s the case here. I can see a single woman, struggling to pay the bills, kids to support, doing it all herself, always the responsible one and hating her life. Tired of it all, the stress and the struggles.

Hoping some man , any man, will come along and take care of them, so she stops having to make decisions, stops having to be financially responsible , just hands over the reigns to someone else and becomes a passenger in her own life.

I can see why that could be a dream for some one struggling. Of course telling blokes up front you’re looking for a wallet and someone to take over their life is never ever going to go well for the op. Any decent man will run and only the men who are going to make it worse for her will stay.

tea1tea2 · 11/10/2022 20:45

you need to go with flow.Stop worrying about tickboxes

tea1tea2 · 11/10/2022 20:47

Loserlacey · 10/10/2022 23:15

I don’t want to be with a man who is unable to make a decision…. What’s wrong with that?

you dont need to ask a man about this , it's something that you should be able to judge. Asking directly is not a good idea

username345 · 11/10/2022 20:48

Loserlacey · 10/10/2022 23:15

I don’t want to be with a man who is unable to make a decision…. What’s wrong with that?

That's not what you said; you're back tracking. You said that you want a head of the household and want a man to make the decisions. That's very different from a man who can make decisions. You say you're submissive.

There are plenty of domineering men out there that would love to control you. I wish you all the best with that.

RainyDaysareCarp · 11/10/2022 20:54

What the flip is all this madness?

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