Am I the loser magnet or overreacting

[Loserlacey]

Been speaking to a guy less than a week a week from Online dating.

Tonight we are no longer talking and he’s blocked me.

some things are a bit of, such as him wanting/expecting a hug when we meet but others I’m just thinking is there a guy out there for me.

Im bad at communicating. I’ve done lots of Therapy but I did outline to this guy what I wanted. I really don’t like making a lot of decisions and want a man to be head of household. He was fine with that…. But now he’s sort of said I’ve got all these demands like a tick box etc… I suggested he perhaps had the same etc.

anyway, who cares, he’s blocked me.

any thing I can do as I seem to be attracting men who can’t communicate or don’t treat me well :(

I’m tired of reading threads on MN about women In OLD having low expectations then getting all surprised when a guy leaves them after a month of wild sex. Women are getting into men’s beds without knowing what they want, they’re emotionally investing in these strangers who are completely ill suited for them. The bar is quite low. It’s very refreshing to hear a woman tell exactly what she’s looking for and weed them accordingly. Doormat who?

@Sandra1984 some women are like that. Others are highly selective and succeed in meeting good men because they respect themselves. OP calling herself a loser is definitely not assertive. OP, update us in months and years to come on your unsuccessful online dating which to me is simply due to you not valuing yourself (even worse you might end up with a controlling arse)

And sorry but aren't you an escort? What can you possibly know of good relationships based on respect?

If she's looking for this specific type, rather than weird abusers who will take advantage, she probably needs to go on a suitable dating website.

It sounds like she's just gone on Tinder and told the guy she wants decisions made for her. That is going to be a recipe for attracting tossers.

Shit

you ignored both times I asked if you have children

that means you do in all likelihood

I thought you were a bit deluded but I was wrong, you’re pretty evil.

I actually know more about relationships and successful men than you will know in your life time.

@Sandra1984 evil? For saying that women in your profession have a skewed idea of what's a normal relationship? I think that's the truth right? Men can buy your body. And even if it's true you know more than me, I still prefer not to sell my body so happy with my more limited knowledge I guess.

I mean, it’s a niche thing so obviously you’ve narrowed down your potential dating pool immediately. You’d be better off on a kink site. Most people don’t really want that level of imbalance in their relationship.

Tricky because my definition of loser is someone who needs to actively exert power over women to feel half way human whereas that sounds right up your street. So I guess the answer is both?

I actually agree with the pp's that have said submissive does not = door mat

However, the issue with going on a mainstream dating app and portraying yourself in a way that men unfamiliar with the BDSM world are likely to interpret that tour a doormat and take a chance

If you go on a bdsm focussed app you may meet someone compatible. If you go on mainstream apps looking for men to make all your decisions and be the head of the household and describe yourself as submissive, one of 2 things are likely to happen:

1. Non-dominant men how do not share your kink will run a mile (I think this is the scenario described in OPs very 1st post); or,
2. Youll attract controlling abusive men that are not necessarily into kink/bdsm but think you sound vulnerable or like an easy target looking to take advantage

In my experience, genuinely successful men don't tend to be the ones who feel the need to exert control over the women around them. Whether that's by paying for 'consent' or by dominating the woman they live with.

@Octomore 💯

Woman… partner* it’s not women around them…. It’s their woman

I'm confused. Are you saying your sexually submissive?

@Loserlacey just saw another thread of yours and indeed you're a low earner. Nothing bad with that but men will fear you want a meal ticket. Again as I said upthread if you're not incredibly beautiful and meet a shallow man, your chances are low to nil. Sorry, I would start by working on myself and maybe trying to retrain/go to university?

I was including sex workers / escorts. Men who buy sex are exerting control over those women.

The issue is OP that men who like to be in charge of women like the challenge. You're not a challenge. You're wanting someone to be responsible for you like a child. They like a spark to dominate and you don't have one.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who wants to tell you what to do, where you're allowed to go, who you're allowed to speak too? It's not very nice. You need therapy.

Their woman? Like ownership?

very disturbing thread. Anyway as a pp said, he did make a decision. He decided he wasn’t into this is.Whatever this is.

He decided he didn't want to dominate her life by making all her decisions and controlling her. Therefore she has concluded that he's a loser

Exactly. And that doesn't make him a loser at all.

sorry I was just rereading, what does head of household mean to you? Are you looking for a man to pay for you and any kids you have? Is that what you’re interviewing for? And in return you will do as told and the domestic stuff?

Some posters got all excited about the sub dom stuff, when it reads like the op just wants to be a passenger in her own life. To be paid for. Not have to make decisions. Told what to do.

op are you struggling in the day to day, low paid, kids maybe? And you just want someone to take over, like a parent?

@forgotoldusername that's very unfair to say about @Sandra1984 . The truth is you know nothing about her life, who she is and what she knows. You're views about this only convey your strength of feeling and are not based in anyone else's reality.

I

Op I agree you need to tred very carefully when what you want puts you at higher risk of attracting controlling, abusive types. @Begoniasforever asks a good question.

@boomoohoo please read Sandra's other threads. She's very proud of being an escort, I'm not making it up (but she might be making it up). She loves the "freedom" and "empowerment" of selling her body for money. Yes I feel I am judgey when it comes to prostitution, I understand that sometimes it's done out of desperation but Sandra seems to think it's a valid career choice. I'll stick to banking, thanks very much