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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner doesnt want baby

51 replies

Jen2209 · 10/10/2022 21:40

Hi all, needing to venr & get some perspective as my head is all over the place.

I have a 3 year old son and have been with my partner for 15 years. We've had a very rough time since our son was born, our relationship was badly rocked by a newborn, PPA & lockdowns. We're now in a much better place but I wouldn't say 100%, I'm not sure if you can ever forget coming that close to separating.

I'm six weeks into an unplanned pregnancy, we had talked generally about a second child but never felt ready. I am scared but happy, he wants me to have a termination. We've been trying our best to have conversations rather than arguments but he's said, IMO, some really awful things that I just can't forget. Eg:
"I'll resent you forever if you have it"
"You're going to fuck my life up"
"I'm worried about our sex life, I wasn't attracted to you after birth & your vagina was loose"

Does anyone have any tips or experience of how to move forward with this? I have made it clear to him that I am not terminating, I now feel like I am waiting for him to leave and am walking round on eggshells scared to mention anything about the pregnancy. I want to be happy but I can't be.

OP posts:

gretr · 10/10/2022 21:54

Don’t wait for him to leave, just break up with him. Is that the role model you want your children to grow up with? Imagine if your children behaved like that with their partners in the future.

Rowen32 · 10/10/2022 23:09

He sounds absolutely awful, why on earth would you want to be with someone like that. Imagine your children hearing those things in an argument, oh my gosh, so bad

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 10/10/2022 23:13

You want to be happy but you can't be...with him

Leave

username345 · 10/10/2022 23:16

He sounds like a right charmer; especially his views on your vagina being loose. I couldn't continue a relationship with someone who had so little respect for me and I wouldn't have another child with him.

MincePiesAllTheWay · 10/10/2022 23:22

If you decide to terminate the baby you will resent him. Unfortunately I think relationship is over already. I think you need to have a serious chat with him and move on. With whatever decision that is best for you.

Muddledandbefuddled · 10/10/2022 23:22

You pushed his child out through your vagina, and not only does he complain that this made it loose, but he then uses that to try and bully you into an abortion he knows you don't want?! Charming!

Ditch the waste of space and keep the baby. Your relationship is dead whether you keep the baby or not as you'll never forgive him for pressurising you into it. So kick him out and don't let him bring you down.

GoT1904 · 10/10/2022 23:55

He sounds absolutely awful. I agree with PP, it sounds like your relationship is already over.

You be happy about your baby!! You want him to be happy too, but for some reason he's selfish and disgusting instead. The loose vagina comment makes me so cross for you

alexdgr8 · 10/10/2022 23:59

you know what to do.
keep the baby.
ditch the so-called man.
onward and upward.
good luck.

RedToothBrush · 11/10/2022 00:18

He doesn't love or respect you. He isn't bothered about how you feel. He is only attracted to you when you look a certain way. He complains his dick isn't getting a tight enough shag.

The thought of the baby makes you baby. Be happy.

Lose the bf not the baby.

The relationship is over. You just have to work that out for yourself.

EmmaMarie18 · 11/10/2022 00:38

I went through the same thing with my NOW ex! Didn't want our beautiful baby boy..wanted me to terminate even at 23+ weeks then wanted me to put him up for adoption! I didn't listen and have the most precious little boy ever!

I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason and you do what YOU want to do don't be pressured into his wants! He sounds just as delightful as my ex with the things he's said

Needless to say the horrendous pregnancy he put me through I never forgot and it took its toll on our relationship now I see that! I've got rid of his sorry ass!

I think which ever way you decide to go lovely you will always resent him for his selfish wants..that's exactly what I did

Sending you loads of big hugs x

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/10/2022 00:41

He’d have been out of the door long ago. That last comment was just beyond disgusting. What an arsehole.

Freya81 · 11/10/2022 16:22

I really feel for you, because I'm in exactly the same position. I've got an almost two year old daughter and I'm six weeks pregnant - my partner doesn't want the baby under any circumstances. It's horrible feeling like you should be happy but you can't because of how your partner is treating you. I'm currently weighing up my options to see how I can do it alone because there is no way I want to end the pregnancy. I'm so sorry you're going through this too 😪

Maray1967 · 11/10/2022 17:55

If my DH mentioned that my vagina was loose he would be seriously regretting it. Your bloke is vile.
If you want to go ahead with the pregnancy it looks like you need to make plans - could you seriously continue a relationship with this disgusting person?

LemonDrop22 · 11/10/2022 19:34

All these men who don't want babies yet somehow didn't book themselves a vasectomy or even put a condom on their dick.

LemonDrop22 · 11/10/2022 19:37

*I'll resent you forever if you have it"
"You're going to fuck my life up"
"I'm worried about our sex life, I wasn't attracted to you after birth & your vagina was loose"

An abortion coercer and someone happy to insult their partner about an intimate body part that was affected by the birth of their fkg child. Plus telling someone you didn't find them attractive after birthing their child ..... Just smh.

How attractive dies he think he looks or sounds right now?

urrrgh46 · 11/10/2022 20:35

Agree with everything @LemonDrop22 says - nothing more needs adding!

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 11/10/2022 21:43

Your relationship is already over. You need to leave.

MsFrog · 11/10/2022 21:48

This post is so shocking and sad. It must be a scary position to be in, OP, but all the PPs are right - you shouldn't be walking on eggshells waiting for him to leave. You should feel disgusted by how he spoke to you and angry.

BLUEBELLO · 26/06/2023 08:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BLUEBELLO · 26/06/2023 08:35

Sorry didn't mean to post this here!

ButterCrackers · 26/06/2023 08:39

LemonDrop22 · 11/10/2022 19:34

All these men who don't want babies yet somehow didn't book themselves a vasectomy or even put a condom on their dick.

This.

Do find out your options to leave him. Stay safe as he doesn’t sound ok. Have your baby.

Topseyt123 · 26/06/2023 08:56

He sounds like a prize arsehole. Ditch him and keep your baby.

Princesspeachee · 26/06/2023 10:48

This is not OK.
Have your baby, terminate him.
I'm sure for many men their is a difference after birth but for him to voice that to you to bully you, belittle you and make you terminate is probably the most disgusting thing I've read on here.
How can he say that to you? It's unforgivable.
You grew a human and birthed them and if he isn't full of love and respect for that and you then he is not the one to be with.
Get your ducks in a row op and as PP have said don't wait for him to leaver, tell him to go.

Weal · 26/06/2023 10:50

The things he has said are so awful, I’m not sure you can save a relationship like that. Bite the bullet and ask him to make a decision one way or the other now. Thoughts honestly after saying those things is staying even an option?

Zanatdy · 26/06/2023 12:58

What a disgusting comment to make about your vagina. You try squeezing a baby out without it losing a bit. Honestly I can’t believe someone who apparently loves you said that. That would have been the final straw for me and I’d go it alone

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