Another weekend checking my phone

[Icantdothistoday]

I'm totally blindsided by a man who comes in and out of my life. He periodically ghosts me and then one of us contacts each other and the pattern starts again. He tells me he wants me in his life, I get my hopes up, we text for a few days and then nothing! He might text in a few weeks and like a lovesick puppy I run back and then we text for a couple of days and I think we are back on and then its all repeated again! I have ruined another weekend constantly checking my phone for a text and although I am desperate to text I know I will probably get a one sided reply such as "hope you are okay" that doesn't need me to reply! My mental health is shot, I feel like a reject and a sad old needy lady. I've tried everything to move on but I am so hurt and confused I just can't do it anymore. Why treat me so badly, he knows how I feel and always turns it round to his problems. Thanks for listening.

Ah @Icantdothistoday I really feel for you but I don't have any words of wisdom because I'm in a very similar situation. I'm older than you and my particular situation has been ongoing for nearly 7 years. That's 7 years of my life I've wasted.

Over the years, I've blocked him many times but he just gets another phone and round we go again.

Every time he gets back in touch I hope that this time it will be different - but it never is.

Every time he gets back in touch I'm so happy and relieved.

Every time he gets back in touch he ends it and then I'm miserable and spend my days surgically attached to my phone, hoping desperately for contact.

Every time after he's ended it, I reach a point where I block him and I do feel relief - right up until the point where I don't feel relief any more and long for him to be in touch.

But - he ended it again ten days ago and this time I blocked him immediately. And this time I genuinely don't want him to be in touch any more. I don't know why I feel this way but my god I hope I stay feeling like this.

Don't be me @Icantdothistoday, don't waste your precious time. I'm closer to 60 than 50 now and just feel like I've let myself down and squandered so much time. You can be strong, believe in yourself, treat yourself with the love and respect that he hasn't treated you with, and that you deserve.

Ps I've done the considering moving house thing too!

This sounds like anxious attachment and is little to do with this man.

Get those close friends round OP.
Give them your phone. Ask them to delete/block for you.

There! - job done, & you will be with supportive women who have your back.
The less time you spend interacting with this tosser, the quicker you will heal.

Delete his number OP, & put the energy you are wasting on him into you. You will honestly feel a huge relief - even if it takes a few days/weeks. X

Get out now. I wasted a couple of years of my life on a man like this. Every day, weekend and evening I would wait for his texts. I would put off doing stuff in case he wanted to meet me. I was so infatuated. It is unhealthy and not worth it. The best thing you can do for yourself is to take control and just block.

Been there, done that OP. I'm a similar age to you and wasted nearly 3 years of my life in a situation like yours. I eventually found the courage to block him after being totally miserable for months and realising it was affecting the other relationships in my life. It was very, very hard at first but there were a few things that helped me a lot: Check out Natalie Lue and her Baggage Reclaim website. I really identified with many of her articles and credit her significantly with helping me to move on. Once I blocked him, I kept a diary, recording how I felt and ticking off every day of No Contact. Each day was an achievement and marking it helped. It was honestly amazing to look back a year later at what I had written. I was like a woman possessed! The third thing that helped me was to write long messages to him, telling him what a P he was and why. Not that I ever planned to send them, but getting it out was incredibly therapeutic. We're still in the same friendship group so I see him and have contact from time to time. I honestly feel NOTHING for him now and can't believe I was sucked in for so long. He was nothing special. As others have said, give OLD a go. That's what I did. After a few months of dating, I met my now DP and we've been happily together for 7 years. I wish you the very best of luck. You can do it!💐

Another one here who also wasted a couple of years just incase he wanted to see me.

I had to get rid in the end, he just liked the attention, not me.

I can't believe how many people have experienced this🙁

OP have you blocked him yet? Once you've done so delete his number so you can't be tempted. Unfollow and block on all platforms.

Get it done and tell us - you'll feel pleased having lots of people you don't even know being proud of you!!

@ monsteramunch Yes. He's blocked and deleted. I do know his number off by heart but I'm hoping it will fade. I'm not going to lie - I put it off thinking he might text but hey ho he hasnt!

Well done op! Mine keeps sending random, odd and cold messages, just trying to play mind games. It baffles me why these men act this way. Surely it’s easier to just say how you honestly feel and not waste energy on people you have no intention of treating correctly?!

Hugely proud of you @Icantdothistoday! Stay firm! 💐

This is absolutely correct and I say that kindly too. You actually hold all the power to make this stop and when you do, you'll be amazed how much better you feel to be free of this game playing. It takes up so much emotional energy and distracts you from actually living your life. He doesn't give a shit OP. Just remind yourself of that every time you look at your phone.

Well done!! That's great, you should give yourself a treat this evening to celebrate

I'm ashamed to say that 5 years is going to take some doing 😥

Well done for blocking and deleting, that takes courage when you are clearly so entrenched in this behaviour pattern with him. Five years is a long time to be made to feel like shit though, and think of the lost opportunities to get to know decent men who want to treat you well. Hopefully soon the blinkers will fade like the memory of his number and you’ll meet someone new.

I'm afraid it sounds like he's just not that into you. He likes you a bit, but not enough to want a relationship.
If a guy likes you, they will have no problem with staying in contact and be keen to see you on a regular basis.
Move on and make yourself available for someone who does really like you 😚

Five years! I can't quite believe it, everyday thinking about him, obsessing over him and checking my phone. Spoilt holidays checking my phone constantly. The first couple of months were brilliant and then it began to change and I just craved that feeling again.

@ Geranium 1984 Definitely doesn't want me. Think he has made that clear.

Gah I’ve just come out of something like this

what helped was
reading Natalie Lue (website is baggage reclaim)
watching YouTube videos

It’s very very hard to escape this as they give you crumbs and you are infatuated

but I tell you that feeling of not checking phone anymore is beautiful calm serenity

Icantdothistoday

you Blocked ! Well done girl

this threads helped me as me and ex ghosted each other after a huge row two weeks ago

what are the plans to fill time ? I’ve started

gym
Pilates
more socialising
started therapy
started HRT !

honestly my one wrecked my head for 9 months

dont beat yourself , call
yourself pathetic or too old

the anxious attachment and avoidant is a link that’s soooo common

love yourself

For five years you've been his convenient plaything he picks up when all his other toys aren't around. There are better men out there. He is nothing special.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Thank you. I am doing some overtime at work (if that is a way of keeping occupied!), pilates/yoga and walking! So many strong women on here. He really was a piece of work and even though he would lie to me about things/where he was I still tried to make excuses for his behaviour! Probably said more about me than him though.

Icantdothistoday

overtime = money = extra self care budget

so good plan 😁