Another weekend checking my phone

[Icantdothistoday]

I'm totally blindsided by a man who comes in and out of my life. He periodically ghosts me and then one of us contacts each other and the pattern starts again. He tells me he wants me in his life, I get my hopes up, we text for a few days and then nothing! He might text in a few weeks and like a lovesick puppy I run back and then we text for a couple of days and I think we are back on and then its all repeated again! I have ruined another weekend constantly checking my phone for a text and although I am desperate to text I know I will probably get a one sided reply such as "hope you are okay" that doesn't need me to reply! My mental health is shot, I feel like a reject and a sad old needy lady. I've tried everything to move on but I am so hurt and confused I just can't do it anymore. Why treat me so badly, he knows how I feel and always turns it round to his problems. Thanks for listening.

@JaniceBattersby that made me giggle. First time for a while. Maybe I could imagine that followed by @Roundthetwistyroad idea of him passing away whilst doing the deed.

I also don't think it's anything to do with age. I'm 50 and got suckered in by a guy who behaved in a similar way a few years ago. The only way is like others have said, block him and then distract yourself. (Easier said than done I know but it's what you need to do)
Then take some decent photos of yourself and get on to Online dating. If you just start talking to some guys it might boost your confidence. Only do this if you think you can set your own boundaries first (otherwise you might get suckered in by another similar character). If you enter into OLD with the right frame of mind (ie just look at it as a bit of fun and don't take it too seriously) it can be a hoot and like i say may boost your confidence

What is it you like so much about him, OP?

(Since, he sounds like a sad loser to me).

How old is he?

@Cheminaufaules I think its what I used to like about him. He is mid-fifties. Sad loser would probably be accurate to be fair.

I've tried everything to move on

What have you tried? Give us the whole list.

@Watchkeys thinking about all the things I dont like about him, tried ignoring the very infrequent texts, considered moving house (honestly!), counselling, asking him why he treats me this way, youtube and online articles on changing the behaviour pattern, spoken to a couple of close friends, most things apart from blocking. Bit lame really.

I think most people go through the things on the your list and then eventually block…

You'd consider moving house before blocking him??

Last 3 word here very important. You could equally have said 'It hasn't worked yet, but I've definitely been trying, and I'm determined!'

But no. Negative self judgement.

Picture the most confident person you can. Someone from the TV, someone you know or used to know, someone you've read about in a book. Imagine how they would deal with wanting to move on from this guy. What would they do?

The best indicator of someone’s future behaviour is to look at their past behaviour. In other words this is who he is, you can’t expect any different. Undoubtedly there are other women in the mix, you are a commodity something to be picked up and put back as and when he feels inclined.
Hes a cruel person, who’s playing you. Remember that next time you feel like you’re not good enough for him, you got it wrong he’s not good enough for you !!!
You have to block him , don’t second guess him or yourself. Just do it. If you don’t, before you know if you will have wasted another month, year, 5 years on him. Give yourself a chance to find some happiness, it’s out there, you just got to put the trash out first .

@RandomMusings7

You'd consider moving house before blocking him

Considering something is a good excuse to do nothing, which is precisely what OP is doing. Blocking is an action; considering doing something is lazy. Lots of people have considered fulfilling their potential, for example.

"Don' t drink poison when your thirsty"
He' s treating you like an option, he probably has a few women on the go, you need to raise your standards, l am in my 50' s and l don' t need valiidation from any man to live a happy life, l validate myself, you need the same mindset.

Block him! Its the best thing you can do, he's keeping you there as a back up. I promise you in a couple of months you will feel so much better.

I was in your position this year and I'm 4 months no contact and I'm so happy. I now look back at what I put up with and realise I'm worth so much more than that, and so are you!

Get busy, join gym or exercise classes, do a short College course, just keep your mind busy with something that will benefit you.

Similar situation here.
On the back of this thread I've just blocked him.
You can do this

Thanks for all the wise comments. I have read every one and I think the general consensus is block him! I know what I need to do now even though I still have this thought in my head that I want him to text me. Thanks all

I know there are many women like this - cannot bring themselves to block a guy. They are in control, handling it in a different way now, can take it or leave it but will not block because they want that message and the validation that it brings - what validation? That the person concerned was bored or drunk enough to text? Block him. He is a manipulator and he will continue until you do so.

If you can't block him try mute - it's a baby step to help you move on.

@RainyDaysareCarp you are 100% right. Think its hard to see someone like that when you have become so obsessed and needy. I personally excuse his behaviour rather than saying anything for fear he will block me!

@Icantdothistoday he would be doing you a favour if he did.

Have you blocked him yet? Do it first and take back your self respect. I know that lovesick drug feeling, but you deserve better. You know you do.

I once had a guy I was absolutely head over heels for tell me the morning after a night together "when are you leaving? I'm only still here because you're still here..." Ouch. He weaseled his way back in with me a few more times before I finally prioritised my self-respect and stopped replying. I found a much better partner a few years later and he treats me properly.

As an aside, I also recommend (re)watching the film Bridesmaids for moral support -- Kristen Wiig's character is in a similar relationship with Jon Hamm's character. It will give you a laugh but also hopefully motivate you to BLOCK HIM!!

@Endlesslaundry123 I know exactly the character you mean. Its actually very bloody similar although I never thought about it till now! Still remember her climbing over the electric gate. Need to get my self-respect back.

Block and stop being idiotic

Second advice to block and delete.

Op do you have anything else of significance going on in your life (children/job that you enjoy/friends and family around to socialise with?)

@zonky that's the crazy thing. I have a full-time job, hobbies, a few friends.
@inheritanceshiteagain It is idiotic

Block everywhere.

Come to SLAA.org.uk

Join a meeting. Any meeting. You will find support there.