Another weekend checking my phone

[Icantdothistoday]

I'm totally blindsided by a man who comes in and out of my life. He periodically ghosts me and then one of us contacts each other and the pattern starts again. He tells me he wants me in his life, I get my hopes up, we text for a few days and then nothing! He might text in a few weeks and like a lovesick puppy I run back and then we text for a couple of days and I think we are back on and then its all repeated again! I have ruined another weekend constantly checking my phone for a text and although I am desperate to text I know I will probably get a one sided reply such as "hope you are okay" that doesn't need me to reply! My mental health is shot, I feel like a reject and a sad old needy lady. I've tried everything to move on but I am so hurt and confused I just can't do it anymore. Why treat me so badly, he knows how I feel and always turns it round to his problems. Thanks for listening.

OP he will say things but unless he actually matches them with actions he is not worth all the time and energy you are investing in him. He sounds selfish.

Block him would be the best way to go and move on.

Otherwise if you view the relationship almost as a FWB situation rather than a full on potential relationship you might feel better about it. Make the most of your time and ensure any time you give to him is on your terms.

I've got a friend like this who does this with several guys. One of them has been going on since August last year except they've never met. He tells her about other women, gives excuses why they can't meet, blocks her, she's in tears, then he comes back and she accepts it every time. She told me a month or two back he had blocked her again. Yesterday she asked me to help her sort out her WhatsApp on her new phone, when I did, his smug face was there on the screen. When I asked her if he was back, she said yes, because he's addictive. I told her I couldn't understand why someone does things like he does, but not to waste bandwidth trying to work it out, just block him for good. She told me that's her business. She is so unhappy, it's ridiculous.

@bigblueyonder Thank you. FWB just would never work for me but to be honest, even if I was to consider it, he doesn't really treat me as a friend anyway! I know that I need to block him, otherwise I will be still be whinging about him this time next year. I just feel so anxious all the time - just unbearable.

I had one of these. I even broke up with someone to be with him when he said he wanted me. Of course he didn’t. It was all just a game. I heard later that he told people he went deliberately went for women with lower self esteem.
Blocked. Moved on. Getting married soon.

You’re worth more than this and you’re not giving yourself a chance to meet anyone else if you’re hung up on this knob.

Feel for you OP. block him and then make plans for next weekend-fill the time with something that makes you feel happy and relaxed. That will help you move on.

Visit friends, day out somewhere, look into taking up a new hobby etc. but something positive for you.

You need to forget about this person. He's relying on you waiting for him so you will always be around when he gets bored. He's talking to other women, and probably treating one of them like his number one.
Block him.

@bingbummy Your advice is spot on. I know he is talking to other women.

Stop running back to him. Block him and move on

You would feel a damn sight less anxious with him out of your life, OP. Cut him loose. FWIW my mum met the love of her life at 55 when he came to repair her computer!

You're in your early 50s and I wonder if you've considered you may be perimenopausal? The drop in oestrogen levels can fuel the anxiety you're feeling and magnify issues. Just a thought anyway.

You're old and wise enough to know better than to be treated like this. Would you want your daughter to be treated like this and not put a stop to it?

And you say you panic when you block him in case you're the one in the wrong. So what if you bloody well are? So what if you've been awful to him and it's all your fault?

This relationship is not serving any purpose for you. It quite literally is not fit for purpose and to carry on with this charade is futile and only serves to make you feel worse about being older/ less attractive etc

And I say the above as an old duffer of 50.

Just stop tying yourself up in knots over a man who will never give you what you want.

Or alternatively, continue and see where you are in six months. I suspect it'll be posting on here!

Do the right thing for yourself

And you know he's talking to other women?

I mean, come on. What will it take?

So sad

Oh dear this is pathetic. Please just block him he will NEVER give you anything other than an empty text which you hang on to

@outtheshowernow Yes is pathetic.

Like other people have said above , you need to go cold turkey , stop being available for this user . He has mastered the truck . He knows that he can access you any time he wants and drops you at any time . I have been in this situation before and it caused me severe anxiety and depression. After being on anti- represents for 8 months, I decided enough is enough. I have now move on and am happier . It will be difficult at least but with time it will get easier.
Just try as hard as you can .
Sending you hugs

Oh OP, I don’t think you’re pathetic at all. Please don’t think you are. We get accustomed to how people treat us and it’s so hard to break the cycle! It’s nothing to do with your age - I am in my 20s!!

I was in a relationship with a guy I absolutely adored (like madly in love with) and thought I’d end up marrying. We spoke all the time about marriage, religious conversion, children etc. He was amazing until he dumped me for answering back to him on something he was being hypocritical about - he said social media revealing selfies degraded women, but still followed the accounts/liked pictures.

He broke up with me very cruelly and blocked me everywhere. Then a month later he unblocked to arrange to give some of my stuff back to me - then we started talking normally, met up, slept together, continued to speak normally, slept together again - when I asked for clarity he blocked me again!

Months later he spoke to me during the pandemic and interacted daily sometimes with all-night video calls. He painted a very good picture of his fragile mental health which made me more eager to support him. We spoke right up to the day of my birthday and then… nothing. Silence again. No birthday message, no nothing. And he didn’t speak to me for months again. I did block him once but unblocked before Christmas to see if he would wish me merry Christmas (he didn’t)

What he did do was message me at the end of January to wish me a happy new year (!) which restarted the meeting up, talking all day, heart-to-hearts and him saying I was the only women he’d been with in years bla bla bla

Eventually, after 4 years of this contact, he ghosted me again when I was admitted to hospital with a life threatening illness.

I blocked him eventually and he remains blocked. In some ways the decision was made for me - how can you excuse such a disappearing act from someone who cares about you? But I did struggle the first few weeks. What helped was thinking im wasting my time crying about someone who couldn’t be arsed to check if I was dead or alive a few weeks back

OP, what I’m trying to say is no this man doesn’t care about you. That doesn’t correlate with your attractiveness or age or anything like that. It’s because the person is a chancer - they’re like endless vacuums in need of sex, adoration and attention. No doubt he loves the idea that you’ll always be there waiting for him.

Block the fucker. It’s what I should have done 3 years ago. These last few months without checking my phone have been bliss - and that it something I gifted to myself by blocking 😊

you can do it!

Mastered the trick *
At first not least *

You need to delete his number once you've blocked it so that you can't be tempted to get in touch again.

Literally no good can come from staying in touch with him OP, you know that right?

@monsteramunch Yes I know. No good will come from any further contact.

You’re not pathetic 💐
I can tell you now, though, it feels SO good to block and start moving on. Get it done, OP - we’ll all be here to cheer you on.

OP, I'm not sure it's an age thing, but for some reason you are letting him control this whole situation. We are the same age and I agree, we don't get to this point in life without some baggage. Have you worked through issues from previous relationships?

For you own mental health you need to block him now. And delete his number to avoid the temptation. Don't write it down somewhere, it's just too tempting. Then try to keep yourself busy, do something out of the ordinary for you.... Just try to get out of this weird routine.

Another thing I found useful, is, for eg, if you are on Old then don't just speak to one person. Speak to a few, go out with a few and see how it goes. I know it's sounds exhausting, but it stops the hyper focus on just one of them. I suspect he is the only one in your sights and it becomes like an obsession. Believe me, I have been there, and you can get past this. You just need to make a concerted effort to do so.

Block him now, right now. Don't overthink it, just do it. He is not good for you. You are the most important one here, so only focus on you now.

💐

No, I disagree it is not pathetic.

It's just become a habit now, but you can put a stop to it.

I am on day one of walking out of my situation like this, and I spent 10 years with him! Only to be told 12 weeks before our wedding he ‘didn’t know what he wanted’, found out he cancelled the wedding via my caterers. Has lead me on for the past 5 months, I’m the one, wants to be a family again, etc etc, all empty words. I finally told him yesterday I’m walking away, and I mean it. Can’t block as have a child. He has messaged 5 times already, nothing of substance, just wanting a response. They feed off it. Move on, realise you’re free from his pain and hold your head up high knowing you are nothing like him.

You’ve got this 💪🏼

Yes you will feel so much better if you take control and block AND delete. When l had to do this with someone l just told myself they had died in an accident and l could never speak or see them again. A bit dramatic but it helped make it final for me. It also made me think of people who have genuinely lost a loved one. They have to continue with their lives and if they can do it so can l. This is how l managed to go completely cold turkey. You can do it!

The way I stopped this cycle with a boyfriend years ago was to think about him receiving every single message while he was lying in bed with another woman, laughing at me with her for continuing to text him.

Good luck op.