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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Certain bus driver is attracted to me - don't want to make things awkward

27 replies

anonymousbear · 09/10/2022 17:58

Apologies if this may not be the most fitting place for this.

As the title says, I'm pretty certain my bus driver is attracted to me (25F), he's much older and I'm afraid things will become uncomfortable for me.

I've been working at my job for 8 months. I take the bus 5 days a week, and I've gotten to know all the drivers. There's only one bus I can take to get to work, so no alternatives as I don't drive. When I'm at the terminal at the end of every day, and I see a bus driver I know go by they often acknowledge me, which I don't mind. However, one driver is making me feel a little bit uncomfortable, I feel it may be my own fault. When he goes by, on the opposite side when I'm at the terminal, he stares at me, often for a ridiculously long period considering he's driving. He did this last week and to make myself feel a little less uncomfortable I gave a small smile, to which he raised his eyebrows. Now, since, he stares at me and smiles and I'm worried I've given the wrong idea. I'm nervous for when he's my driver and how he'll proceed, if he'll try small talk/get my number. I don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable anymore than I have and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 09/10/2022 18:09

🤔ignore

Tsort · 09/10/2022 18:12

Ignore him. If he asks for your number (which seems a bit tricky, logistically, if he’s driving a bus at the time) you say ‘no’.

Is there something specific you’re worried about?

Smileeriley · 09/10/2022 18:14

Wear a ring.

Shiningstarr · 09/10/2022 18:21

Wear a band on your wedding finger, and if he speaks to you, mention something about your husband.

FinallyHere · 09/10/2022 18:23

Sorry you are having to deal with this, it's really not fair, is it

First line line of defence is to just Ignore him.

If he ever approaches you, make sure you reply with an unequivocal no to whatever he suggests. I don't usually advise this but I would make sure to work in mention of my husband to my reply.

Sorry, it's carp, isn't it.

FinallyHere · 09/10/2022 18:23

@Shiningstarr snap 😀

Dery · 09/10/2022 18:47

Female socialisation at work - he stared so long you felt uncomfortable and you felt obliged to smile at him. If a man makes you uncomfortable, you are NOT obliged to serve up a social nicety. Unpleasant men rely on that instinct in women. Work on your shark cage. If a man stares at you, you can ignore him, glare at him, turn your back etc. If you need to get a bus he’s driving, just treat him with complete indifference.

jetadore · 09/10/2022 18:48

I’d say it’s him that’s made it awkward by staring, not you. Whatever you do don’t be nice to him or it’ll only encourage him. Ignore, avoid eye contact and, if you have to interact with him, neutrality, erring on the side of rudeness, to give him a clear message you’re not interested.

HairyMothballs · 09/10/2022 18:49

He might just be friendly. Perhaps you look like his daughter. Whatever, don't engage in any conversation with him, or mention your boyfriend who is a boxer

Perpop · 09/10/2022 18:50

You haven’t given the wrong idea by smiling at someone. He’s being a creep and making you u comfortable, it’s inappropriate. Report him if you continue to feel this way or ignore.

Get tougher, not sorry! Women have been sorry for too long when it’s the creepy men who should be.

MintJulia · 09/10/2022 18:58

Ignore him. When you get on the bus, show your pass, don't smile and go and sit out of earshot/eyeline.

When you get off the bus, say thx, don't look at him, just get off. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

If he makes a move on you, a clear 'No Thank you' No smile. Walk away.

Unicorn2022 · 09/10/2022 19:03

Why are you holding his gaze while he is staring at you? If you accidentally catch his eye when he drives past then look straight away. Wear a wedding ring, or dark glasses. Or walk to the next stop to get on the bus so you're not always in the same place at the same time.

Roselilly36 · 09/10/2022 19:04

Strange thing to worry about, you get on the bus, pay your fare and sit down. Can’t see why it would be awkward.

SunscreenCentral · 09/10/2022 19:41

Ring.
Headphones.
Book.

done

Shiningstarr · 09/10/2022 19:58

Tbf he's staring at you but you're staring right back at him. I agree with previous poster, why hold his gaze?

GreyCarpet · 09/10/2022 20:57

Shiningstarr · 09/10/2022 19:58

Tbf he's staring at you but you're staring right back at him. I agree with previous poster, why hold his gaze?

Well because sometimes people do that while they're processing the situation 🙄 she's hardly in the wrong for looking back at someone who is staring at her. And, tbh, I find that staring back at someone who is staring can be helpful in making them avert their gaze.

OP, don't feel obliged to smile or be pleasant beyond thanking him when you get off the bus as you would any bus driver. It's unlikely he'd ask for your number but, if he did, just say, "No." Don't make up a boyfriend who's a boxer or anything.

"Can I have your number?"
"No."

"Can I take you for a drink tomorrow night?"
"No."

"I was hoping I'd see you today."
😶

"You look lovely today."
😶

Don't feel obliged to engage in any way - smile or verbal response. And report him if he does. It's inappropriate and sleazy.

cherrysthename · 09/10/2022 21:08

I can't say I've ever gotten to know any of the drivers of the buses I've travelled on. I get on, scan my fare and sit down. Just go on your phone when you're sat waiting.

icelolly12 · 09/10/2022 21:10

Maybe he thinks you're the one staring at him. Don't you just get on the bus, take a seat and look out the window/at your phone/read a book like everyone else?

Houseelf90 · 09/10/2022 21:19

Can you ask a friend if you can call them just before you get on the bus so that you can end the call with “love you” as you get on the bus? Obviously prepare your friend for what you’re going to say 😂 I think if you did that a few times he’d hopefully get the hint that you had a partner.

Shiningstarr · 09/10/2022 21:52

Well because sometimes people do that while they're processing the situation 🙄**

Great, excellent. And staring right back just looks like you are staring at them, and engaging with them. Gives the wrong impression entirely.

If someone is staring at me, my natural reaction is to look away, then after a few seconds look back to see if they are still looking. Not join them in a long lingering stare, which then finishes with a smile.

heartbroken22 · 09/10/2022 21:58

Talk about your fake boyfriend

Mrstiggywinkle44 · 10/10/2022 06:56

anonymousbear · 09/10/2022 17:58

Apologies if this may not be the most fitting place for this.

As the title says, I'm pretty certain my bus driver is attracted to me (25F), he's much older and I'm afraid things will become uncomfortable for me.

I've been working at my job for 8 months. I take the bus 5 days a week, and I've gotten to know all the drivers. There's only one bus I can take to get to work, so no alternatives as I don't drive. When I'm at the terminal at the end of every day, and I see a bus driver I know go by they often acknowledge me, which I don't mind. However, one driver is making me feel a little bit uncomfortable, I feel it may be my own fault. When he goes by, on the opposite side when I'm at the terminal, he stares at me, often for a ridiculously long period considering he's driving. He did this last week and to make myself feel a little less uncomfortable I gave a small smile, to which he raised his eyebrows. Now, since, he stares at me and smiles and I'm worried I've given the wrong idea. I'm nervous for when he's my driver and how he'll proceed, if he'll try small talk/get my number. I don't want to make things awkward or uncomfortable anymore than I have and I don't know what to do.

So you know most of the other drivers and acknowledge them walking past yet you've been smiling back and now worried one likes you? And? Sorry but ignore him then???? My husband is a bus driver this is silly.

Imy06 · 07/01/2023 20:10

I don't know where anyone got the idea that you are giving long lingering stares back and I don't think this is silly. It's shit to be in a situation where you have been made to feel uncomfortable and that is his fault by being weird and staring at you like that. I don't know why people find it strange that you would be friendly towards other drivers that you see every day, it's like a coffee shop I go to regularly - make chit chat with the staff and sort of get to know them a bit. Obviously it's a different situation with this guy if it's made you so uncomfortable, and I would be too with someone staring at me like that. And I get that smiling at him was a nervous response but don't feel bad for it, the whole situation has begun by him being inappropriate, not you. I don't think we can be too careful or cautious and I think instincts are generally good at letting us know if something is a bit off. So I think you are totally justified in feeling the way you do and better to be alert and maybe turn out to be wrong than to ignore the feelings you have completely.
Anyway, I agree with other posters, just be cooly polite and keep interactions to a bare minimum. Be firm and succinct in closing down any interaction you are uncomfortable with. Always find being 'busy' on my phone helpful with situations I am uncomfortable with. I hope if it comes to it he takes the hint and that's that. Good luck! 🌸

Esmereldaaa · 07/01/2023 20:35

Imy06 · 07/01/2023 20:10

I don't know where anyone got the idea that you are giving long lingering stares back and I don't think this is silly. It's shit to be in a situation where you have been made to feel uncomfortable and that is his fault by being weird and staring at you like that. I don't know why people find it strange that you would be friendly towards other drivers that you see every day, it's like a coffee shop I go to regularly - make chit chat with the staff and sort of get to know them a bit. Obviously it's a different situation with this guy if it's made you so uncomfortable, and I would be too with someone staring at me like that. And I get that smiling at him was a nervous response but don't feel bad for it, the whole situation has begun by him being inappropriate, not you. I don't think we can be too careful or cautious and I think instincts are generally good at letting us know if something is a bit off. So I think you are totally justified in feeling the way you do and better to be alert and maybe turn out to be wrong than to ignore the feelings you have completely.
Anyway, I agree with other posters, just be cooly polite and keep interactions to a bare minimum. Be firm and succinct in closing down any interaction you are uncomfortable with. Always find being 'busy' on my phone helpful with situations I am uncomfortable with. I hope if it comes to it he takes the hint and that's that. Good luck! 🌸

This is an old thread. Not sure why you're commenting now

Imy06 · 07/01/2023 21:14

Oh thanks, I didn't even see the date, it just came up in my daily emails. I hardly ever post and it seems I'm not very good at it so shall return to just observing 😊