Hi all, I'm awake and can't get to sleep with thinking about the state my relationship is in. Please be kind, I'm a bit of an emotional mess right now. By way of background, we've been together 10 years and have one child aged 3.
Over the last year my partner has become increasingly distant and we just don't spend any time together. We've talked about it and it's been blamed on the stress of us both having stressful jobs and a young child, plus a hobby we both do (mostly separately at the mo due to childcare). I've been upset about the lack of intimacy and wanted to make more effort to spend time together, but he just thinks it's the inevitable consequence of being busy parents and has said he doesn't want to put more pressure on ourselves. I've really begun to feel like I don't know what's going on in his life as we spend so little time together (mostly tag-team parenting).
By and large we've tended to operate on quite a high level of trust - both gone away with friends, stayed out after work nights out etc., and not questioned it. But his ambivalence about the lack of intimacy in our relationship has really started to make me a bit worried that maybe he's getting that elsewhere.
This evening he's gone out and he left his old phone (v recently upgraded) at home, which still has some stuff on it. I know I shouldn't have looked at it as it's a breach of trust, but I am going a bit crazy with not knowing what's going on with him and thought it might give me some insight. I found a v recent nude selfie, from belly button upwards (but it's clear he's nude). There was also a smiley selfie from a few weeks ago which was only head and shoulders but also obviously topless, taken at half past midnight and I could see it had been sent to someone by WhatsApp (but couldn't see who as it's now logged out on this phone). It obviously all looks really suspicious, but could there be any other explanations? I think if it were just the more recent photo, I might be able to explain it away as something else, but with the other one having been sent to someone, it just looks dodgy.
I know it sounds stupid, but I haven't actually believed thus far that he would cheat, despite how it all sounds when I read all that back. He was so scathing last year about a family member who did so.
Any advice on what I should do next? We have already agreed to sit down in the next few days for a serious relationship talk, so I could just be honest and come clean about looking at his phone, and ask him who the photos were sent to. I'm slightly reluctant to do that as I know he'd see me looking at his phone as such a breach of trust, and as I don't know who the photos were sent to or the content of any of his communications, I don't exactly have conclusive evidence right now.