How does your partner feel about sex toys

[ReadytoRumble86]

I feel like my partner doesn't like the fact I own a vibrator. He didn't know about it originally until somehow he found it in a bag I had stuffed away (hidden because we have a child). He put it in a place I couldn't reach and proceeded to ask questions like where, when, how often, is it better than sex, can I include it when we get intimate but tbh I've considered it my personal thing. I get his curious but it's the fact he's so adamant and wants to know everything but it made me uncomfortable bringing it up a number of times during that day. I got it back and hid it under then bed where I'm 100% sure he wouldn't find unless he was snooping which yes he found it again and put it back in the place I couldnt reach. So I haven't bothered bringing it up makes me feel a bit demeaning and embarrassed that I have to ask him, he hasn't brought it up either that he's moved it

---

If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Do most people make an announcement when they have a wank then?!!

He sounds like he's got some fucked up relationship values.

It's one thing discovering your partner uses a sex toy to masturbate and asking them if you could incorporate it into your sex life sometimes etc.

The sort of interrogation you got, combined with him actually putting the sex you where you couldn't reach it, twice now .... Suggests a feeling of entitlement re ownership and control.

*sex toy

Exactly lol.

Masturbation is by its nature discrete and private.

Unless someone is doing it to titillate someone else or themselves by making it clear they're doing it.

(Or theyre like an ex of mine who noisily, huffily weaponisrd masturbation when you turned down sex).

Buy another one and find a very good hiding place from him.

But yeah, I'd be pretty pissed off. It's none of his business.

Ive been around the block a while here, and some posters might remember this. I also posted about something similar years ago. I also had a vibrator and yes I used it alone, but also when we had sex. He was quite controlling about the use of it, and when he went away, he would either hide it, take it with him, or his absolute favourite would be to place it in a certain place at a certain angle, so that if it was moved on his return, would quiz and question me constantly. I thought it not quite right, but the responses I got on here were actually quite invaluable and it was the first time I realised what a controlling situation I was in. He then started accusing me of having affairs etc etc.

So is it just about the vibrator OP? Is he controlling and quizzing you about other stuff as well?

Fwiw, I think that every single person should have the freedom to explore their own body in whatever way they wish to. Why is it OK for him to go have a wank, but then he hides your vibrator....

Your post has hit a nerve with me, as I have been there. For me it was just such a huge invasion.... Once I realised it. I brushed off so much prior to that.

I get it OP and it's not okay.

What an odd question. Masturbation, unless it’s part of intercourse, is generally done in private. What you’re terming ‘secret masturbation’
is just ‘masturbation’ and anyone who has issues with their partner playing with their own body needs quite serious mental health support.

Well in that case he's being utterly ridiculous. He can do all that but you can't have a vibrator. Typical double standards🙄

It's not only what he has done but how he has gone about responding to finding it and asking you about it. Utterly childish and pathetic reaction & a bit controlling.

I think his reaction is very worrying. He is not entitled to confiscate your property. It is like he is punishing you for having a private sexual self and that is not ok. He is not entitled to question you etc. I would not be able to tolerate his attitude at all.

Your DP hiding your belongings and putting them here you can't reach them is absolutely unacceptable. The fact that it's a vibrator is a secondary issue.

How dare he hide your property? What a pathetic shit being so threatened by a vibrator.

We use them together. He isn't bothered and I guess prefers the fact we are now equal in the bedroom in terms of timeframe

I don’t have any but I can’t imagine my husband would be remotely bothered if I did!

You should buy a 12 inch multi speed lifelike monster ans
d tell him is everything you always craved and something he can never match upto.
That should pop his balloon.

I’ve got tonnes. Use them with and without my H. If he hid them from me I’d buy two new ones and shove one down his throat and one up his arse.

His behaviour is controlling and deeply unsettling.

This seems totally unfair and unreasonable, I mean what's the difference between using a vibe and you fingers. I bought my wife one a few years back, and we did use it together a few times, but it was mainly for her use, won't lie I found it a huge turn on, but always respected her privacy, occasionally heard her putting it away if she had gone to bed before me, and I never had a problem with her using it. she was never 100% comfortable with using it herself with me these so we never did that. IF us guys expect a lady to be be happy with us rubbing one out, only fair it goes the other way.

I would be very concerned if someone objected to my owning several. It is controlling. The needs are totally different.

He's not that into toys but he knows I have them and doesn't mind or ask out them. Probably like most they are in my underwear drawer so he doesn't see them and I use them regularly when I have time on my own. I use my vibrator most days but he doesn't need to know that!

My dp has no problem with them..he bought me another for my birthday! He likes to know I enjoy myself alone and we also use them in sex.

Putting yours out of your reach smacks of control.

Have you tried asking him why he objects to you using it, since it's apparently fine for him to masturbate and use porn? He sounds like a controlling arse tbh.

He's being way out of line.