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Relationships

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Original poster

DP and 'gambling'

63 replies

CrabLinguine · 04/10/2022 18:41

DP and I have known each other for 7 years, been dating for 5, no kids, probably not ever having any. We used to work for the same company, I got promoted, moved to a different department, and eventually DP quit right about the start of lockdown because he felt like his career was 'going nowhere'.

He became a self-employed day trader, started trading options, made a bit, but ended up losing far more as he kept opening new trades saying that he's going to make back all his money. Since then he has moved to crypto in addition to options. Same thing, he made a bit at the start, pumped more money into various currencies, and is now trying to make back all the money he'd lost again. It's not traditional gambling but the way he goes about it seems like gambling to me.

Recently he's stopped putting money into the joint household account we use for bills, groceries etc shared stuff (he claims all his money is 'tied up in investments') and in fact has used the joint account to pay for things like his bloody glasses and other personal stuff. Confronted him about it and he claims I'm controlling and that the money should all be shared anyway as we'd be married someday and that if he 'makes it big' (I'm trying to be supportive but I have serious doubts) it'd be my money too... How would you go about dealing with the finances if your partner 'gambles'?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 04/10/2022 18:44

I would divorce someone who acted like this before he could bankrupt us both

Paq · 04/10/2022 18:44

He's nothing but a cocklodger. How on earth are you putting up with this?

Backtoreality22 · 04/10/2022 18:45

I wouldn’t trust him whatsoever.

FleeUpFreeTime · 04/10/2022 18:46

Trying to win back your losses is a gambling habit. I, personally, wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone I couldn’t trust not to throw my life down the drain.

Bedazzled22 · 04/10/2022 18:47

Keep your money safe and be glad you are not married to him.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2022 18:51

It is absolutely insane that you are still with this man, and crazier still that you still allow him access to a joint account. He is a cocklodging gambler who will spiral your life right into the gutter if you let him. Kick him out and get rid permanently

LeavesOnTrees · 04/10/2022 18:54

It sounds like he's got an addiction. I'd stop letting him any access to your money. Personally, I wouldn't stay with him.

Original poster

CrabLinguine · 04/10/2022 19:08

Where's the line between investing and gambling? DP pours through financial reports everyday and he says his losses are inevitable due to current economic conditions and sometimes it does make sense but sometimes it feels so much like he's just gambling. I wouldn't support him if he started a business for e.g. and kept losing money but at least it was a legitimate business instead of an addiction?

OP posts:

billy1966 · 04/10/2022 19:26

He's a gambler.

Thank god you are not married.

Get out before he drags you into the gutter with him.

He is already stacking up debt.

Close that joint account and dump him.

Believe me this only going to end up with you hurt and worse if you have any joint assets.

He's already lying to you.

Don't believe a word from him.

He WILL drag you down with him.

user1471462115 · 04/10/2022 19:30

How is a grown adult not paying his way ?
at your stage in life it has to be 50:50 contribution to living expenses.

if there is no contribution then there is no way he would still be in the same house as me, and he would not get any food

icelollycraving · 04/10/2022 19:33

If you lived separately, would he be able to tell the landlord it was all wrapped up in investments? Stop facilitating the madness.

billy1966 · 04/10/2022 19:35

OP, kindly meant but you are woefully naive if you do not realise that for many people the stock market is white collared gambling.

There is huge acumen and experience involved in making money in the market.

It isn't something you just take up.
Those that do, lose their shirts.

You need to take this very seriously.
Close the joint account.

He could take out Credit Cards.
He could borrow money on your salary.
Some companies are very lax when it comes to cards and loans.

You do not want him near your credit rating.

Do you share any property that he could remortgage?

Be very careful.

Desperation can make crooks of people very quickly.

I suggest you look into Gam Anon for family members.

Contact them for support.

This will not end well, of that you can be sure.

Protect yourself while you can.

ZekeZeke · 04/10/2022 19:37

You ask How would you go about dealing with the finances if your partner 'gambles'?

Answer. Do not have a joint account, keep your finances separate!
Closethe joint account.
Do not marry this man.
Do not have children with this man.
Do a credit check on yourself -he could have debts in your name.
Leave/ask him to leave.

DrivingTheoryTest · 04/10/2022 19:40

He's not a self employed anything

He's gambled away all his money and he'll start on yours soon.

Stop kidding yourself.

Dotcheck · 04/10/2022 19:45

How is it a joint account if he doesn’t contribute to it? He’s helping himself to your money.

comfortablyfrumpy · 04/10/2022 19:59

Keep your finances separate, and make plans to separate.

DismantledKing · 04/10/2022 20:01

There are no differences between ‘investing’ and gambling; it’s not called the ‘casino economy’ for nothing. Both can cause you to lose your shirt.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/10/2022 20:03

People who gamble on the horses study form intently. This is just a different form of gambling.

Bananalanacake · 04/10/2022 20:22

Live separately and date him if you want to. I swear half of the problems on here would be solved if people lived on their own for longer.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/10/2022 20:30

Why are you with him at all?. What are you getting out of this relationship?.

Did you grow up seeing addiction all around you?

You may well love him but are you really confusing this state with being codependent. All you’re doing and have done here is enable him which neither helps him or you. For his part he is dragging you down with him and he will ruin you and your life.

How much more of your life are you going to waste on him?. You can do better than he but until you believe that for your own self you will be in the same state as you are now.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/10/2022 20:31

How old are you now?.

PaperPalace · 04/10/2022 20:33

This would be a deal breaker for me OP. I need to have a partner that I can trust to be financially sensible and not chuck money away on crypto and risky investments.

limitededitionbarbie · 04/10/2022 20:47

Why can't he get a job and do the trading in his spare time until he makes it big. With his own money not from bill money.

Sorry op he is an addict dressing it up as trading. He's still getting the thrill from when it goes up.

It's still gambling. My ex h did 10k on a credit card in an hour doing this shit. Thank fuck we were not together at that point.

Leave before you end up covering his payments for bills and then his debt.

limitededitionbarbie · 04/10/2022 20:49

CrabLinguine · 04/10/2022 19:08

The line is

Can you afford to lose what your are putting in.

The answer is no he fucking can't because your subbing him and enabling him.

Close the joint. Get all bills in your name and get rid of him before you end up in debt.

He will not make it big.

Arenanewbie · 04/10/2022 20:51

but the way he goes about it seems like gambling to me.
because it is gambling, pure and simple.
How would you go about dealing with the finances if your partner 'gambles'?
I would stop relationship at once and therefore stop any financial dealings. For a start I would stop reading this thread now and would go online to close you joint account if I were you.

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