DP and 'gambling'

[CrabLinguine]

DP and I have known each other for 7 years, been dating for 5, no kids, probably not ever having any. We used to work for the same company, I got promoted, moved to a different department, and eventually DP quit right about the start of lockdown because he felt like his career was 'going nowhere'.

He became a self-employed day trader, started trading options, made a bit, but ended up losing far more as he kept opening new trades saying that he's going to make back all his money. Since then he has moved to crypto in addition to options. Same thing, he made a bit at the start, pumped more money into various currencies, and is now trying to make back all the money he'd lost again. It's not traditional gambling but the way he goes about it seems like gambling to me.

Recently he's stopped putting money into the joint household account we use for bills, groceries etc shared stuff (he claims all his money is 'tied up in investments') and in fact has used the joint account to pay for things like his bloody glasses and other personal stuff. Confronted him about it and he claims I'm controlling and that the money should all be shared anyway as we'd be married someday and that if he 'makes it big' (I'm trying to be supportive but I have serious doubts) it'd be my money too... How would you go about dealing with the finances if your partner 'gambles'?

There was this time he made a few thousand £ so thought he was finally getting into the stride of things.

Studies of gambling addiction tend to have this feature. The people had a big win at a formative stage. They are forever chasing that high. Just like any other drug.

Personally, I would say the line between investing and gambling what you can expect to lose.

I believe investment is money spent with a reasonable belief of return on investment, i.e. a low/medium/high risk portfolio placement where your initial investment sum can be guaranteed and a financial advisor can give you a reasonable % figure for what they expect you to make over time based on their previous performance.

I also believe that investment is long term: money placed in shares will generally increase in value over years because the overall trend of the stockmarket is positive, but this can only be consistently measured in 5-10 year chunks and some countries even incentivise long-term investment, i.e. in France some financial gains are tax-exempt 8 years after the initial ivestment.

I would also say that investment should be made with money one is prepared to lose and never with money that one cannot afford to lose.

By the sounds of it, your partner has used up his inheritance and his house savings, and for me that would fall into gambling. There does not appear to be a line between "spare cash he can invest with the reasonable expectation of return" and simply cash that both of you hoped to use in the future.

Whatever his interpretation, I would say get out. You are cleary very worried and you have very different financial values. He is also not upholding his end of the shared livign situation/financial bargain, and having maybe lost a significant chunk of money, he is not looking for regular employment to start over and provide regular income for his family.

Don't they say the unlucky people are those with a predilection for gambling who have an early win?

Give him an ultimatum, get a job start earning or get lost.

Don't they say the unlucky people are those with a predilection for gambling who have an early win?

Yes. They are always chasing it from then on.

Hope you are ok op

I'd say you split everything 50/50 and what's left over from each of your wages is yours to do what you want with. If he wants to gamble his away that's his own look out.

He's not got a wage - his so-called 'investing' ie gambling is losing not making money - and he's run down his own savings. (I'm not sure whether he's also depleted the OPs savings - I hope not. )
So what is it you think should be getting 'split 50/50'?

You should look at the Gamcare website, it's very helpful and it talks about other less obvious forms of gambling like this. He is already a problem gambler because he is chasing his losses.

This might be useful.

www.gamcare.org.uk/news-and-blog/blog/understand-cryptocurrency-trading-what-is-it-what-are-the-risks-and-how-is-it-similar-to-gambling/

Gambeling is a road to nowhere its an illness hes in denial about get out of the relationship close the joint account or just dont use it also if youre wages are paid into that account get it changed immediately look after yourself for once because he definately wont selfish git.

@petmad why did you post on a zombie thread?

Oops sorry