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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Throat noises

55 replies

Alex1203r · 03/10/2022 20:39

Hi all,

I feel a little guilty posting about this but I feel it would be helpful for me to get other opinions and advice.

Been in relationship for 5 years and married for 1.

My wife constantly clears her throat, the normal mmm hmm sound but also a deep groggy noise or clicking noise. These noises are daily, sometimes every couple of minutes and sometimes not so frequent.

This has always been the case since we met but gradually over time it has gotten worse to the point where today I counted and in 10 minutes she cleared her through 17 times.

Apparently I’m the only person who has a problem with it, her work and friends don’t seem to mind according to her.

im really starting to resent it, I have talked to her about it numerous times, suggested she should see a doctor.

Her response is, it is genetic as her father does it. She says she’ll see a doctor but then it never happens.

has anyone else had experience with this and any tips on how to be more patient or how to deal with it?

Thanks

OP posts:
LuckyLil · 03/10/2022 21:07

I Imagine it's an unconscious thing most of the time. She probably thinks the fact her work and friends are too polite to mention it means they don't mind. If you were to ask them though they probably find it equally as irritating and mystifying as you.

I'd guess either an unconscious habit, or an underlying throat condition she's grown so accustomed to that it's become natural. And if the latter she won't see it as an issue to get looked at by an ear nose and throat specialist because she's so unaware of it that she probably thinks you are exaggerating.

B1rd · 03/10/2022 21:16

It's probably has a tic and the more you comment on it, the worse it gets. She's stressed that you've noticed and keep mentioning it. Tics get worse when people are either tired or stressed.

KangarooKenny · 03/10/2022 21:18

My DD was throat clearing and it was asthma causing it.

Yorkshirelass04 · 03/10/2022 21:19

My partner does this and it drives me equally mad. Sometimes I have to leave the room.

His doctor put it down to acid reflux irritating the throat.

category12 · 03/10/2022 21:36

Do you get irritated with other people's noises (like people sniffing/eating etc)?

If so, while she may have an annoying habit/medical issue, it could also maybe be you suffering misophonia?

KittyCatsby · 03/10/2022 21:40

My dh has a post nasal drip . Could she have that ?

biffyboom · 03/10/2022 21:45

One of my children did this, I wasn't sure it if was a habit or medical. Doctor prescribed a preventer inhaler and it stopped quickly, so could be worth your wife getting it checked out.

LadyDespair · 03/10/2022 21:52

Ther is someone in my office who does this and tbh once I’ve tuned into it, it is excruciating. Nobody mentions it but I surely can’t be the only one it gets to; I think I am a bit misophonic though so perhaps it’s just me.

I do sometimes wonder about what it’s like in the home so you have my sympathy!

vipersnest1 · 03/10/2022 21:53

I can see that it could be irritating.
It might be worth suggesting the GP again, saying you'd like her to rule out anything that can be treated.
If it's a tic, it is, but at least you'd both know, and I suspect that would help you to live with it.

Doublevodka · 03/10/2022 21:53

Sounds like a tic to me. My daughter had this but grew out of it but some people have vocal tics and motor tics all their lives.

Fearneyox · 03/10/2022 22:00

My friend does this, she thinks it’s a tic as a medical exam showed nothing up. Extremely frustrating to listen to sometimes, I cannot imagine having to live with it. Issue is they don’t see the problem as for them it is ‘normal’.

I’d gently suggest to her to go to a specialist, and just be completely honest with her about how you feel. Say that you love her to bits etc etc but that you’re starting to resent it and you’d hate for it to cause issues between you. You can’t help your reaction to her tic, just like she can’t help but do it.

QuimReaper · 03/10/2022 22:02

Does she drink cow's milk? That's a common cause.

jerseybean1000 · 03/10/2022 22:06

Sounds like acid reflux and I will honk she needs to see a doctor

jerseybean1000 · 03/10/2022 22:07

jerseybean1000 · 03/10/2022 22:06

Sounds like acid reflux and I will honk she needs to see a doctor

Sorry - I think she needs to see a doctor

Badger1970 · 03/10/2022 22:09

Dh does this and there are often times I can't sit in the same room because of it.

If you find a cure, OP, please share it.

Menora · 03/10/2022 22:17

My mum does something similar and I don’t like it. I would see a GP if it were me. She has so much phlegm or something pooling. I don’t really blame you for being irritated, bad habits can become unbearable

wordlewordle · 03/10/2022 22:17

That would drive me nuts! I feel for you OP.

CreatingHavoc · 03/10/2022 22:39

It's either a tic or acid reflux as others have said. I have episodes of reflux and it definitely makes me clear my throat more. It could also be post nasel drip caused by allergies. Whatever it is, it should be checked out. Depending on the cause there are medicines that wi help.

Hugasauras · 03/10/2022 22:40

I have a friend who does this and I sympathise OP as I find her really hard to be around for any length of time, which is awful as she's lovely but the constant throat-clearing just drives me insane.

I also have a friend whose tick is a word along the lines of 'y'know' and she says it maybe two or three times a sentence but I don't really notice that as much as it's speech rather than a throat noise and I guess I've learned to tune that out. But the throat-clearing I cannot Sad

She def needs to see a doctor though to rule any physical cause out. The inherited from father thing is a bit weird - inherited what exactly?!

JS87 · 03/10/2022 22:46

If it’s a tic you probably notice it more than others as people tic more at home than elsewhere. They can suppress them at places like work and school but have to let them out eventually.
DS 11 has periods of tics. It’s flared up at the moment and is annoying coughs and squeaks. I asked him if he could suppress them whilst I was trying to work like he does at school. He said yes but then he’d have to do it at school instead so he carried on doing it.
If her father did it then quite likely it’s a tic or something she copied from him when young

DatingDinosaur · 03/10/2022 22:51

My uncle does this. He has asthma.

He's also quite a nervous person and does it when he's stalling/pausing for thought.

schnubbins · 03/10/2022 22:54

Did she have Covid recently ?My husband had a bad dose of Covid last November and was quite ill with it . Directly afterwards he was also clearing his throat regularly and said that he had a feeling that something was stuck or lodged in his throat.He was scoped early this year and found to have growths which were thankfully non cancerous beside his tonsils.The rest of the oesophagus was clear .My friend works as a Nurse with Long Covid patients and many are having throat /swallowing problems.Your wife should get herself checked out to be on the safe side .

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/10/2022 23:18

Oh thank fuck for this thread, my mum has done this all my life. A bizarre repetitive grunting sound, sometimes unbearably loud. I have hyperacusis and it causes me enormous physical pain and distress - I hang up if she does it on the phone.

She'd never get it checked out by a GP, and thinks my aversion to it is my problem. It's a genuinely horrible sound and it fills me with rage, it's even worse if she has a sore throat because she finds making the noise soothing.

I don't believe there's a medical reason for it, it's just an awful habit and she snipes at me saying I'm the only person who's ever complained about it - not true, lots of people comment on it in private.

She absolutely can control it, just chooses not to. I lost my shit once and asked if she was genuinely okay with causing her daughter intense physical pain, she told me to get a life 🤷‍♀️

OldFan · 03/10/2022 23:23

I have that sometimes and it's probably related to my having asthma. Just one of those things. It feels like my throat needs to be cleared of gunk.

If she happens to smoke she could give that up of course.

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu · 03/10/2022 23:36

My DD goes through phases of this and I cannot stand it. We try to have quiet time for an hour or so whenever we're at home for the day and it's impossible. It got so bad once that I genuinely wondered if she had Tourette's syndrome

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