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Original poster

Throat noises

55 replies

Alex1203r · 03/10/2022 20:39

Hi all,

I feel a little guilty posting about this but I feel it would be helpful for me to get other opinions and advice.

Been in relationship for 5 years and married for 1.

My wife constantly clears her throat, the normal mmm hmm sound but also a deep groggy noise or clicking noise. These noises are daily, sometimes every couple of minutes and sometimes not so frequent.

This has always been the case since we met but gradually over time it has gotten worse to the point where today I counted and in 10 minutes she cleared her through 17 times.

Apparently I’m the only person who has a problem with it, her work and friends don’t seem to mind according to her.

im really starting to resent it, I have talked to her about it numerous times, suggested she should see a doctor.

Her response is, it is genetic as her father does it. She says she’ll see a doctor but then it never happens.

has anyone else had experience with this and any tips on how to be more patient or how to deal with it?

Thanks

OP posts:

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu · 03/10/2022 23:37

OldFan · 03/10/2022 23:23

I have that sometimes and it's probably related to my having asthma. Just one of those things. It feels like my throat needs to be cleared of gunk.

If she happens to smoke she could give that up of course.

That sounds like post nasal drip. Doc can solve that easily

womblesofwimbledon5 · 04/10/2022 00:43

I sympathise I couldn’t listen to it every day….. I feel stressed out just reading these posts!

hellcatspangle · 04/10/2022 06:12

That sounds like post nasal drip. Doc can solve that easily

I wish! I've had steroid spray, steroid drops, antihistamines, antibiotics....mine is still going on after two years and I'm on the waiting list for an ENT appt.

Original poster

Alex1203r · 04/10/2022 08:42

Thanks for all the replies.

Im not sure if it’s a tick, it’s not just one sound. She clears her throat constantly but then she also does these frequent clicking noises and if I look over at her it looks like she is trying to stop being sick.

I ask her at this point, are you ok? Are you going to be sick? Because I know what she’s doing.

I have talked to her many times about a doctor, I even said I would stop bringing up if a doctor saw her and told her it was normal.

I am a little noise sensitive but I’m also pretty patient and understanding, It’s been 5 years, although never as bad as it is just now. It think the added frequency has just pushed me over the edge a little.

OP posts:

NoPrivateSpy · 04/10/2022 09:36

My husband did this and I forced him to the doctors because it was driving me insane (and we've been together 20 years so those more direct conversations are a little easier to have). It only happened towards the end of the day though so doctor said acid reflux and tablets fixed it.

It must be annoying her on some level. Like when she is in a meeting or on the train? Strange that she thinks you should just put up with it.

Maybe help her see how incessant it is. She's obviously just totally used to it now. And then try the 'I'm really worried it's something else' card and could she please get checked out to put your mind at rest?

marmaladepop · 04/10/2022 13:23

hellcatspangle · 04/10/2022 06:12

That sounds like post nasal drip. Doc can solve that easily

I wish! I've had steroid spray, steroid drops, antihistamines, antibiotics....mine is still going on after two years and I'm on the waiting list for an ENT appt.

Please update if you find a cure. I've had Pnd for over 20 years-been down the ENT route and have allergic rhinitis. Nothing cures it. I don't think having a dog helps but I couldn't ever be without one 🤨

ChelseaRobertsofMalibu · 04/10/2022 18:08

Alex1203r · 04/10/2022 08:42

Thanks for all the replies.

I ask her at this point, are you ok? Are you going to be sick? Because I know what she’s doing.

I have talked to her many times about a doctor, I even said I would stop bringing up if a doctor saw her and told her it was normal.

Yea I'd be wondering why she isn't concerned with the fact that her own actions are causing such an annoyance to someone she loves. Especially when it may be something fixable

Original poster

Alex1203r · 05/10/2022 00:05

I brought it up again tonight, I said it was bothering me and also said I was concerned and it’s getting worse.

it was not received well, I was told I wasn’t concerned and I just cared about myself. I said, I do care about myself because it’s wearing me down.

I was then told we can spend our nights in different rooms until I become more tolerant or she gets it fixed, whichever comes first.

I feel like I’ve now made it worse and I don’t know what to say now. At least she knows how much it bothers me now I suppose.

OP posts:

HP79 · 05/10/2022 00:34

No advice for you, OP, but loads of sympathy! My husband is the same. Not the clicking bit, but the incessant throat-clearing. It's at least once per minute, all through the day... and it's LOUD! He also says he's inherited it... from his mum. I've observed that she's also a throat-clearer but you can hear with her that she's definitely got cattarh, whereas my husband does it out of habit, I believe.

Like you, I've suggested visits to the doctor, but he refuses. I know he can control it, because when we're in the cinema or in a social setting, he doesn't do it! It's worth mentioning that I believe my husband is on the autism spectrum (undiagnosed) and throat-clearing is a known vocal tic

HP79 · 05/10/2022 00:37

I pressed 'send' too soon.

After almost a decade with my husband, I'm at the point now that I'd almost rather end the relationship than ever hear that awful noise again. So, I have every sympathy with you and please do let us all know if you find a solution (other than divorce!).

TooTrusting · 05/10/2022 01:04

My exH used to do this. It was a habit not a tic (my niece does it too but hers is more of a tic). It was quite a gentle noise but it was irritating and I worried that he would irritate others because he seemed totally unaware that he was doing it. So I just kept mentioning it whenever he did it and he learned to stop. He was never offended by me mentioning it.

Menora · 05/10/2022 07:11

I don’t know if you need to be more specific OP. That it is affecting your attraction to your partner and going into separate rooms is not what you had in mind for a relationship - so is it over between you and she doesn’t care?

Elsanore · 05/10/2022 07:27

I feel your pain.

My DP has a noise that he does if he has a runny nose, or sometimes just randomly. It's not a cough style throat clear, it's a massive sniff that's so violent it makes a loud dragging sound of his nostrils reverberating and then turns into a throaty pig like dragging sound down his throat. It's loud, sudden, makes me jump and is revolting. I've had to ask him to stop it including partly from concern he'll hurt himself, it's so extreme. He has tried to reduce it and now only does it when he has a cold. The DC picked it up and luckily I banned it and they stopped "the naughty sniff"!

DP has another awful noise he picked up from living in Korea for a long time. This is from an eating style where you get very hot food and put it in your mouth and then eat and cool the food simultaneously by doing a big open mouthed slurp that pulls the food and lots of air into the mouth at the same time. It's most spectacular when it's noodles or spaghetti as they are trailing from the mouth to the plate and being slurped deafeningly. He's explained it's culturally normal in Korea and a great way to eat hot food. I've seen it being done on Korean films and tv so I believe him about that. He's pretty much stopped doing it but we had many arguments about that.

He thinks I'm bizarrely sensitive to noise. I think his noises are terrible. And like PPs, his mum is a throat clearer. Hem-hem!

Original poster

Alex1203r · 05/10/2022 09:13

I do wonder if the problem is me, if I have a noise sensitivity or something like that. Then again, it's not normal to clear your throat and make clicking noises all day, every day.

Her response is it is genetic, she went to the doctor around 10 years ago and he just said it was excess phlegm. I just don't understand why she is accepting it as normal and how she is not keen to find a solution.

To answer one of the responses, our relationship is great otherwise, this isn't relationship ender. It's just me trying to find out if I am being unreasonable and from the responses I don't think I am.

So I now need to find out how to progress. Can I be more tolerant? and is there another way of trying to get it across to her that is really grinding on me now.

OP posts:

QuitMitheringMe · 05/10/2022 10:20

My sister does this. If I mention it she gets cross and does it more. Verrry annoying.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 05/10/2022 10:58

jerseybean1000 · 03/10/2022 22:06

Sounds like acid reflux and I will honk she needs to see a doctor

I’m sorry but This made me “honk” with laughter… 😂

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 05/10/2022 11:03

My ExW used to “sniff” a lot rather than blowing her nose, and was one of little things that really used to grind on me especially towards the end of the marriage, very annoying

Menora · 05/10/2022 11:22

Alex1203r · 05/10/2022 09:13

I do wonder if the problem is me, if I have a noise sensitivity or something like that. Then again, it's not normal to clear your throat and make clicking noises all day, every day.

So I now need to find out how to progress. Can I be more tolerant? and is there another way of trying to get it across to her that is really grinding on me now.

But you are clearly getting annoyed by this enough to find it increasingly revolting and irritating and over time, you will become more and more intolerant to it, not more tolerant. I don’t think it’s really ok to say to your partner essentially ‘love me, love my phlegm/vomit noises it’s tough shit if it makes your skin crawl I don’t care about your feelings’

I don’t speak to my partner the way yours spoke to you about it and I wouldn’t tolerate it, the noise not withstanding - she’s rude.

If I said I was worried about him he would respect me enough to listen to me and not want me to be feeling that way, not gaslight me into having some low tolerance to a horrible relentless noise. He would try to stop because he loves me. She doesn’t sound like a very nice or caring person tbh

I recently stopped vaping because DP said very nicely, he was worried about my health and long term effects. we talked about it and I agreed that I was in denial about how much I vaped and I would quit. He found it irritating as well sometimes, but he brought it up so nicely with valid concerns that I wanted to listen to him

you have these options:

ignore it and pretend it’s all fine and invest in headphones/ear plugs and training yourself to listen to these noises (and get the massive ick with her eventually, you will)
stand your ground and tell her it’s giving you the ick, its unpleasant and affecting your relationship and you are asking nicely for her to go see a GP

Mummysharkdoodoodoodoodoodoo · 05/10/2022 11:24

I suffer from an anxiety disorder and this is one of my symptoms - feeling that I need to clear my throat a lot. It's a very common symptom of anxiety.

Menora · 05/10/2022 11:34

Mummysharkdoodoodoodoodoodoo · 05/10/2022 11:24

I suffer from an anxiety disorder and this is one of my symptoms - feeling that I need to clear my throat a lot. It's a very common symptom of anxiety.

The OP’s wife says it’s phlegm and she’s doing it at home when she’s relaxed. She could take an antihistamine or get a nasal spray.

Even if you do it from anxiety you can learn to stop doing it, but with a physical cause such as dripping or pooling or reflux it may actually be easily treatable.

Original poster

Alex1203r · 05/10/2022 12:40

She takes both antihistamine (tried different ones) and also a nasal spray a few times a day. If she saw a doctor, they would be able to assess and maybe give her something that actually works.

OP posts:

Bestcatmum · 05/10/2022 12:45

It sounds like a nervous tic to me. My mother has extreme tics and tourettes syndrome (without the swearing) and i've become so intolerant of it over the years I can't be in the same room as her without taking a lot of valium.
It can be cured with medication but the person who is doing it rarely decides to get help because it doesn't bother them.
I couldn't live with it quite honestly.

inheritanceshiteagain · 05/10/2022 13:00

acid reflux? post nasal drip? quite easy to sort out, but this would drive me crazy.

QuimReaper · 05/10/2022 23:46

Yea I'd be wondering why she isn't concerned with the fact that her own actions are causing such an annoyance to someone she loves. Especially when it may be something fixable

I wish more people were like you.

I could gladly divorce my husband over his disgusting ENT behaviour, even though he's wonderful otherwise. He actually does make some effort to tamper his vileness, but he still definitely doesn't see it as his problem. And he's probably not wrong.

Angelina1972 · 06/10/2022 06:43

My father did this, it was a nasal drip. He didn’t take any treatment for it until very late in his life.

From age of 57 he had repeated chest infections sometimes leading to pneumonia. He was quite dismissive of the drip, and was coughing, clearing, sniffing and sneezing throughout his life.

Pneumonia carried him off after an operation became complicated. He once had a collapsed lung there was so much poison in his lungs, this was aged 57, on a background of a very privileged lifestyle!!

I know two people who clear their throats repeatedly and this is due to tics or stims.

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