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Relationships

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Original poster

Bad sign or not necessarily?

57 replies

fe05ome · 30/09/2022 14:49

Been talking to a guy on OLD and we are meeting next week. It’s been going pretty well, seem to have a lot in common.

He is going away over the weekend with his friends (basically a boozy weekend) and he texted saying “right I’ll speak to you on monday as I’ll be drunk all weekend hahaha. Have a good weekend x”

Now I have zero problems with this - I’ve not even met him yet and I would never expect him to text me all throughout his holiday.

However, I wanted to ask from people’s experiences, is this something that may reflect how he would be in a relationship? Or not necessarily - do people tend to be like this at the beginning, and then if something progresses they’d be more communicative?
I am looking for a relationship and I could never be in one if I didn’t have that sort of contact, so I don’t know whether to just leave it there.

Sorry for the waffling!

OP posts:

chipsandpeas · 30/09/2022 14:51

your not in a relationship and not even met him yet so i dont see the issue

if roles were reversed id run like fuck if i was away with friends and someone i was talking to wanted constant conversation over the weekend

Original poster

fe05ome · 30/09/2022 14:52

It’s hard to explain but I don’t have an issue with him doing it now as I’ve never met him!!
I just mean is it necessarily how he would be in a relationship? Like from peoples experiences would they go from this to wanting contact in a relationship

OP posts:

sunlovingcriminal · 30/09/2022 14:53

On the face of it, no... suppose if you were away a whole weekend with a mate, then you'd be want to give them your attention, so not messaging wouldn't be a huge deal.

However, it really depends on you. Personally I wouldn't be attracted to a bloke who went on a weekend's bender. But that is just me! And personally if it's being going well over chat, id assume that they may be able to find a few mins to text me a couple of hellos over the weekend.

StopFeckingFaffing · 30/09/2022 14:53

It's only a bad sign if you are the sort of person who prefers to be in constant contact with your significant other when you are not together

It wouldn't be an issue for me or my DH as we are both happy with minimal contact if one or other of us is away with friends for the weekend but I appreciate that plenty of people aren't like us

HappyHamsters · 30/09/2022 14:55

I would just text back, have fun yourself , leave it there and dont meet him.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 30/09/2022 14:57

Nope, I see no issue with that at this stage in your relationship.

Backtonormalnow · 30/09/2022 15:01

I wouldn’t be bothered about the lack of contact but I wouldn’t be keen on the ‘drunk all weekend.’ I wouldn’t have even noticed once upon a time but I only seem to meet heavy drinkers these days and it affects everything.

Newusername21 · 30/09/2022 15:01

You're not in a relationship with this guy yes. Basically he's just let you know he wont be in contact over the weekend as he's away with his mates.
I see absolutely zero issue with this. If anything he's setting your expectations about contact over the weekend. Probably means he's thinking of you so it's probably a good sign.
Try not to make predictions about a future relationship before it even starts.

Easier said than done I know - but really try not to over think things. Enjoy yours weekend and dont think any more of it until you actually meet in person.

User838960 · 30/09/2022 15:06

I see no issue with this and I think you are massively overthinking every little thing if you're wondering if it is a bad sign already. You haven't met. Also, everyone is different. There isn't a rule book to say he is going to be a bad guy just because one bad guy did this to someone.

I had an ex who expected constant attention and texting on a night out and would pick fights with me about what time I got home, I was always on egg shells. I am now dating a guy who was off out the other night whilst I was as well. We both wished each other a great night and said we would catch up the next day. It was SO refreshing and so much healthier.

Kiktikat · 30/09/2022 15:11

Your priorities are off. Never mind not hearing from him. Why would you be interested in a man likely to be ‘drunk all weekend’?

Beyondshit · 30/09/2022 15:18

Even if you were in a relationship what would be the problem? No need for constant contact.

Orangello · 30/09/2022 15:20

Depends if someone being drunk the entire weekend is an issue for you. Would be for me, and I like my drink, just not on that level.

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/09/2022 15:27

He’s being communicative, he’s told you he’ll be out of touch at the weekend because he’s away with friends. I couldn’t be doing with someone who needed me to be in touch while I was away for the weekend - if I’m secure in the relationship I can go a couple of days without needing to hear from him.

gannett · 30/09/2022 15:37

fe05ome · 30/09/2022 14:52

You can't tell from this at all, really. It's not a sign either way.

In the early stages of dating someone I wouldn't think to keep in contact with them if I was spending a fun weekend with friends.

Ten years into a relationship with DP, I probably would send a message and drunken voicemail or two.

I think most people would bother to keep in touch with a long-term partner than someone they haven't even started dating properly. Or some may not! Who knows.

Watchkeys · 30/09/2022 15:55

Communication isn't the problem here. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who happily plans being too drunk all weekend to maintain communication?

Bookworm20 · 30/09/2022 16:51

This really. If you'd been really connecting and getting on well, I wouldn't be too impressed that he wouldn't even send a quick, hope you're well text, it literally takes seconds, especially if thats been the norm lately.

Maybe wait and see, he may surprise you and find a few seconds to see how you are doing. Or he may actually just spend the weekend blind drunk.

If he doesn't message, it does not necessarily mean he'll be as shit when in an actual relationship, but the fact he is going to be drunk all weekend and thinks thats hilarious and a valid reason to not bother staying in touch, is a bit pathetic.

Its such early days. If things have been going well, i'd just let him crack on and see where it goes after you meet. you might really dislike him in person!

PollyIndia · 30/09/2022 16:52

Watchkeys · 30/09/2022 15:55

Communication isn't the problem here. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who happily plans being too drunk all weekend to maintain communication?

They''ve never met!
He's probably not being literal that he's going to be drunk all weekend... he;'s going away with mates and he isn't going to be in a position to chat and he's managing expectations. He's presumably single.

Seems unfair to assume he'd be doing this every weekend if you were in a relationship when you've never even met him. And if you do meet him and like him, you can talk about that then.

If everything else seemed good, I wouldn't rule someone out on the basis of one (I'd assume) throwaway comment.

Original poster

fe05ome · 30/09/2022 16:56

To be fair i think it’s a stag do so I do sort of get the drunk thing, plus we are mid 20s.
I’m not expecting him to make contact with me because it is early stages, I just wanted to know if it’s likely that that’s what a relationship would be line with him! Or whether I’m being silly and it would be different if we were to move forward and I guess just seeing if anyone had any experiences with this x

OP posts:

Sandra1984 · 30/09/2022 16:58

I don’t have an issue with someone dissapearing for the weekend but I do have an issue with a guy leaving with the lads and getting drunk all weekend. It’s very juvenile, sounds immature and like he likes to drink too much. Massive red flags. I would get rid of ASAP.

Sandra1984 · 30/09/2022 17:00

Oh ok… he’s in his 20’s 😩

Joystir59 · 30/09/2022 17:02

At this point he is nothing to you.

Bookworm20 · 30/09/2022 17:06

You are just being cautious. I totally get that. You don't want to get entrenched with someone who is possibly showing you who they are before you start to get too emotionally attached.

However, this could well be a one off. Sometimes we need to let things play out a little before we can decide. So could be a one off, or he could be a drunken selfish arse. Only time will tell unfortunately.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2022 17:09

You are getting way, way ahead of yourself. He is literally a stranger to you. You haven't even met yet.

junebirthdaygirl · 30/09/2022 17:09

When l go away with my friends l rarely contact my dh as too busy chatting and having fun..never drunk. I don't think you can work anything out fr0om the no chat and the drunk tuff. Just forget about him for the weekend and meet up when it suits. A guy in his mid20s will not ..hopefully..be following the same pattern as time goes on. Just play it by ear.

DatingDinosaur · 30/09/2022 17:24

I don’t see anything wrong with it.

A lads boozy holiday isn’t necessarily an indicator of alcoholism or immaturity or lack of connection or bad boyfriend material. You’ll suss that stuff out if/when you get to meet.

The other end of the scale is a guy with no mates to go on boozy holidays with and no hobbies so he’s just sat trawling the apps for dates out of sheer desperation to have a social life/get laid.

Just wish him well and if he’s in touch after he gets back then great. If he isn’t then, well, yeah, so what. You’ve lost nothing and gained nothing. He’s just some bloke you’re chatting to on the apps.

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