Please talk to me about reaching midlife and suddenly disliking everyone

[NameChangearamamama]

I would really appreciate hearing some perspectives from others here. I’m a longterm Mumsnet poster and have name changed for this.

I’m about to hit 50, I’m definitely going through big changes in my menstrual cycles, we’ve got through lockdown and now the world around us seems so turbulent with war in Europe and the cost of living crisis so I am not sure what’s to blame for my feelings but over the last few months I can get so easily annoyed if not very angry by people who were good friends until not very long ago. I’m quite good at hiding my feelings for the sake of keeping the friendship status quo but at times I am seething inside and I suddenly realise that I don’t actually like some of these people. It’s almost as if I am seeing them in a different way and I don’t have much tolerance for them. I don’t know if my values have changed or they have changed, perhaps it’s a bit of both. I know that peri menopause can make us short tempered and low in mood but I wasn’t anticipating a desire to push everyone away.

Does anyone understand this? I’d be happy to move to a remote place and start all over again with my DH and DC, and leave so many people behind.

I love it when he’s away!! Actually after about a week of him being back I can’t wait for him to go again, bad wife. Bit of DIY, chat about the DC, good meals out all of us together, sex, he brings me tea in bed, takes the dog for much longer walks then before he gets on my nerves he’s away again 😂 perfect marriage

Kickboxing too, weight training- is very good for your body too.

@NameChangearamamama
To be fair I got cats too.
DH works incredibly long hours including Saturdays. Bliss.

I've been on HRT for a few years now. Definitely feel much better and on a more even keel emotionally.

But as I get older I still find other people irritate me more and more. Including (especially?) people I have known for a long time.

One aspect of lockdown I liked was not having to go to social events I wasn't going to enjoy!

I am going to toughen up and say No more often.

I'm the same age as you OP and I've been trying to figure this out. I think a lot of it for me is just having more experience and being better at boundaries/knowing what I like and don't like/what I can and can't change.

I think I've become more tolerant in some respects and less in others, I think I'm less angry than I used to be but that might just be increased apathy. There are quite a few things in friends/potential friends that I really don't like at all now that never used to bother me as much. I value my time more and care much less about doing things to keep up appearances/seem more interesting.

It's a hard call on HRT. For me it was necessary because ADHD plus peri was bringing on full PMDD and homicidal rage. For me it has just smoothed out the emotional roller coaster a bit without me losing my bs detection superpowers. This way I can respond better rather than looking like 'crazy ranty witch we can ignore'.

Definitely consider getting help with this, people are annoying and everyone gets less patient over time but if you hate everyone then it’s a bit of a red flag and could end up biting you on the bum.
Senior colleague who I worked well with and became friends with for years suddenly changed and was very difficult to be around. She was aggressive all day long, would snap at people who just said good morning to her. If you didn’t say good morning she snapped too! If someone moved something (like a stapler) she’d have a right go at them. She had people in tears and some went to HR because she victimised them and found fault with everything tiny thing they did when it had all been fine before.
I gently suggested that she consider her hormones and look for another explanation rather than everyone in our workplace suddenly becoming really awful people (for years she’d worked happily with them all). She said she didn’t need or want hrt, ended up getting more and more unhappy, eventually resigned (Pretty sure she jumped before she was pushed) and lost out a lot financially. There was no need at all for this as she’d been doing great in her role up til this point and could have had promotions and pay rises instead. I wish I’d pushed her more to get help but she ended up really disliking me too and just cut me out completely. We don’t even speak now. It’s so sad.
I’m heading towards peri myself now and will be getting everything with bells on when the time comes!

60 now and was offered anti-depressants instead of HRT as I had fibroids to shrink.
So I don't even know if it would make a difference at this point? Does HRT make your periods come back? Please no! Is there a point you stop taking them and have to go through the hell again?

I wonder if those female hormones enable us to tolerate men enough to reproduce and actually raise and care for children and not eat our young!

Continuous HRT, given if your periods have stopped, shouldn’t give you periods.

3 weeks over the phone, OP? Bloody hell. I called on Tuesday and was offered face to face within the week- not bad. I have opted for Thur coming, and my doctor is female with a background I reproductive health and I know her well, so I'm optimistic for a good outcome. Fingers 🤞 you get a good experience too.

I hope so @Puffalicious I’ll be talking to a female GP. Yes, waiting three weeks. No idea why it isn’t face to face.

So much support on this thread, thank you everyone.

There are many types of HRT. The type I am on (oestrogel, utrogestan and the mini pill) means I don’t have any bleeding or periods at all, ever. The mini pill is obviously a form of contraception for most women but I take it because it completely stops my periods (mine were always heavy) and it provides half of the progesterone I need as part of the HRT, the utrogestan 100mg I take every single night provides the other half. Many women take the utrogestan 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off or something like that but tend to have bleeding and I didn’t want that.

There is no need for any women of any age to stop taking HRT as long as they have regular check ups and have no other risk factors. Some women now continue to take it well into their 80s.

God this is me and I'm only 42!.hormones normal apparently

Any recommendations for specific HRT? My sister says the patches are far better. I'm also really worried about weight gain on HRT - I've struggled over the past 5 years gaining and then losing: keeping it off is a struggle.

I went on HRT two years ago, when even the sound of DH breathing in his sleep made me feel murderous . Plus the hot flushes were awful.
I now sleep better and the flushes have gone, and DH is still alive... win win.

But I still cannot be ARSED with people any more. My family matter to me, but even then when DH tells me about his day at work I nod, smile, make encouraging noises ...and don't listen.

I left my job in August... (I'm doing Granny care several days a week) and need to look for any small part time job, but do I want to? NO!! I want to be alone with my dog and my piano...and sod the world!

Ah its bloody awful! I think I'm coming out of the other side- I'm approaching 52 and have had 5 ish years of hell - BUT the hot flushes have gone- I'm cold these days and like to snuggle down in bed - unlike the past 3 years of lying down on cold tiled floors. Raging anxiety has gone, and mega periods (2 wks on 2 off) have gone to every other month. I quite like DH too- after him getting on my nerves every single day it turns out he is the good guy he has always been. My RAGE has calmed down- don't put up with shit but never have really and I'm back to being diplomatic!
I did not get HRT but only because the worst of the symptoms started in March 2020 then it has been lockdowns ever since- GP is impossible to see for the last 2.5 years so I've not bothered. I also have WFH since March 2020 which has helped manage it all.

@StillMedusa @mrsfollowill It’s good to hear that HRT has worked for you both! I can’t wait to get started. I don’t know if I will have any friends left 😓
I’m dreading any physical symptoms of the menopause, they sound really tough.

Just taken my period- first time in 10 weeks- and it's heavy and shitty. Can some HRT reduce them?

I've become like this too . Can't be arsed with people. Saw some old colleague's in town but apart from a polite hello could not be bothered with small talk . People just annoy me (as I do them) I don't bother with people I don't like at all . I've become selective.

I'm 48 and on HRT and I still feel like you OP, so god knows how bad it would be if I wasn't! All those saying 'Embrace it, etc', the thing is I don't want to have no friends! It would be easy to tell everyone to fuck off and sometimes I'm saying that in my head, but I also don't want to be alone at home with my cat (not that cat isn't fabulous ).