Please talk to me about reaching midlife and suddenly disliking everyone

[NameChangearamamama]

I would really appreciate hearing some perspectives from others here. I’m a longterm Mumsnet poster and have name changed for this.

I’m about to hit 50, I’m definitely going through big changes in my menstrual cycles, we’ve got through lockdown and now the world around us seems so turbulent with war in Europe and the cost of living crisis so I am not sure what’s to blame for my feelings but over the last few months I can get so easily annoyed if not very angry by people who were good friends until not very long ago. I’m quite good at hiding my feelings for the sake of keeping the friendship status quo but at times I am seething inside and I suddenly realise that I don’t actually like some of these people. It’s almost as if I am seeing them in a different way and I don’t have much tolerance for them. I don’t know if my values have changed or they have changed, perhaps it’s a bit of both. I know that peri menopause can make us short tempered and low in mood but I wasn’t anticipating a desire to push everyone away.

Does anyone understand this? I’d be happy to move to a remote place and start all over again with my DH and DC, and leave so many people behind.

Yes I'm exactly the same. Everybody just annoys the hell out of me. I find myself saying horrible things in my head I just think I'm far less tolerant of peoples bullshit

Oh and I'm on hrt but still hate most people !

I think I've always been like this. Maybe I should have transitioned in my teens. I've never given a fuck what people thought. I'm not the friend you go to for hugs. I can't organise things for shit.i do remember birthdays though. You don't come to me for sympathy or thoughtfulness; you come to me for a laugh.

Laughing too: my DH is a plumbing and heating engineer 🤣 and an all round Mr Fix-it (he has 3 old cars and 3 million mountain bikes). I don't fucking CARE about the new pedals you bought DS, the head-gasket of the camper van, or how my sister's carpet cleaner is not asefficient or effective as it should be. Go away!!!!! Let me watch costume dramas, eat Fry's Creams, and sit with my Oodie on and a fluffy blanket all by myself!

I'm not menopausal but after less socialising I'm lockdown I find most people unbearable.
And don't start me on other passengers on
Public transport 😩

*IN lockdown

I'm on HRT and get annoyed if people talk for more than about 6 minutes, it's weird because I love people but I just loathe mankind

Love this thread. I was a smart-arse child, a know-it-all young adult and now I'm a foggy-headed, angry middle-aged woman! I know I am filled with rage and frustration, but I can never articulate quite how or why! Or I can but the list is never ending! I am everything I used to hate, and I even take pleasure in sticking two fingers up to my much younger, much more pretentious self. (This is where you ended up hahah!) But I am less self-conscious than I have ever been, despite the fact I have so much more to be self-conscious about. I also have this ridiculous and useless empathy and longing for connectedness spilling out of me as well. I can go from angry to crying in seconds? When the fuck does this end! (My DH really wants to know!)

Hrt helps to reduce levels of irritation with people but it didn’t help me with my general lack of interest in people. And I used to love people.

I'm 49 and no sign yet of menopause. But I have become extremely discerning about who I want to spend time with, as by now I've seen some patterns. And I also have learned that if I'm too pleasant, someone will take advantage.

Read about this years ago we're hard wired to be nurturing as fertile women holding the clan together for millennia. Take away those hormones the scales fall from our eyes as our testosterone levels surface. It's like being male I suppose.

Look at non hormonal solutions too. Weight lifting. Plant based diet
Getting a cat 😂

I'm post menopausal and used hrt for years.
I did take a different view on life and people then and I now swerve anyone or anything that annoys me. On the other hand I have taught myself some tolerance towards life. I do spend my time around people I really care about these days. Much more chilled.

I must be menopausal since 28 then... but unlike others, my joy of life has increased since I don't pander to people.

God bless HRT!

Before being on the patch I was a ball of rage, trying hard not to want to kill everyone. Now I’m still taking nobody’s shit but I’m not perpetually irate. Being that angry all the time was exhausting.

Hi op, I hear you. I'm 50 next month and am going through it with you. From the period that gives and gives, to the being pissed off at every little thing.... The other day I responded to one of those self-serve machines in the supermarket repeating "Please remove, your items, please remove your items....." with "GIVE ME A BLOODY CHANCE!!!!" 😂

Not a ball of rage but definitely have enhanced BS detectors and am generally a lot more pragmatic.
Much clearer about what I want to do and what others need to do and have no problem telling people that (any more).
Love it to be honest.

I think ones tolerance for asshole behaviour lowers considerably at middle age.
I have realised there’s been people I’ve tolerated for years who I really don’t enjoy being around as much as I used to. That’s natural I imagine.
HRT doesn’t stop other people behaving like dicks.

I actually think lockdown has shown us what people are really like. I have no tolerance now for people who flake, rudeness, bad driving. I'm not menopausal or peri-menopausal as far as I can tell, I just can't be bothered with that shit anymore. You flake on me once fine but to keep doing it nope!

This is me exactly! In hindsight, a benefit of Covid was that it meant that I have re-focused my friendships so have lost a lot of those who irritated me whilst strengthening friendships with those I value and who value me.
A flip side seems to be that I have become very supportive of colleagues in their 20s and find myself indulging their naive optimism and energy and reminiscing in my head about how I used to be like that.
Unfortunately for my DC, the seem to fall into the first category rather than the second!

I’m laughing at some of your replies! Thank you everyone for letting me know that I am not alone with my wish to be alone!

I’m due to meet a moany friend later today for a catchup, I actually feel like I need to cancel it. She got divorced from her abusive ex more than 10 years ago and still goes on and on and on about it, telling me every single grievance past and present. The past me listened sympathetically but I am sick to death of the same damn whinging. I want to scream But you got a massive house out of it as well as over a grand a month spousal maintenance so please just shut the fuck up now!!!

Actually just writing this makes me irate, I am cancelling her now with an excuse. Dog has Covid.

Love the idea from a PP about getting a cat, my husband is allergic so even though he’s only here ten days a month we can’t get one! Bloody man

It’s good to know you’ve turned it into a positive. Once I am dosed up on the magic HRT I will aim to see it this way too. Appointment in three weeks over the PHONE, FGS

I’m really enjoying it (in fairness I have very few physical symptoms). I’m channelling my inner man.

I love this thread. Also insanely jealous that your dh works away OP. Oh dear.....maybe HRT is the way forward.