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Original poster

Would you forgive someone who totally creeped on you?

62 replies

pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 15:40

What would you do?

I'll try and cut a long story short. Me and my boyfriend used to play as an acoustic trio with a guy called Shayne who we became good friends with. Fast word after a couple of years me and my boyfriend broke up for about a year. I went on a night out with a few people and Shayne was there who has always been just a friend to me... however he went full on creep mode but I will add he was very drunk... he showed me his phone which had loads of photos of me saved on it which he told me he wanked over... and he kept trying to touch me all night as though he was trying to make it look like we were a "thing" to people so I was avoiding him all night and pretty much ignoring him. I left the pub and started walking to another thinking I'd shook him off and he came running up behind me and kept touching my waist I kept pushing him off but he kept insisting so I snapped in frustration and said I was going home. I removed him from Facebook etc and fell out with him ever since and everytime I've seen him locally I've pretty much shunned him... me and my boyfriend got back together nearly g two years ago... we're getting back out there musically and we keep running into Shayne... my boyfriend thinks it's dramatic that I've fallen out with him and "shunned" him from my life... so I'm wondering wether to reach out and just let things go? Because aside from the creepiness we all used to have a good friendship. I don't know if I don't care about what happened as much now because it was so long back so maybe I just don't remember how bad and full on it all was?

Would you forgive and form a "friendship" again? Or am I right to not associate with him anymore?

It's not that I need to forgive him because I actually don't have a grudge but idk if I should be actively okay with him? If that makes sense?

OP posts:
Velvian · 29/09/2022 15:46

YANBU.

Original poster
pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 15:46

Velvian · 29/09/2022 15:46

YANBU.

What does this stand for? X

OP posts:
Original poster
pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 15:48

@Velvian

I've just googled lol. Thanks. And yeah I agree but idk if I should make some sort of peace offering with us constantly having awkward encounters with him in our locals etc?

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 29/09/2022 15:48

It stands for "you are not being unreasonable."

I would keep my distance from him. He behaving incredibly inappropriately and I would not regard him as a safe person to be friends with. Also is just setting things up for messiness and drama.

CousinKrispy · 29/09/2022 15:51

I mean, he didn't just say "Hey I like you and have always fancied you, now that you're single would you be interested?" which might feel awkward, but is basically OK.

The man sexually harrassed you by repeatedly touching you without your consent, tried to make others believe you were in some kind of relationship presumably to exert pressure on you, and confessed to using your photos for sexual purposes without your agreement. That is not someone I'd choose to be friends with or to have in my life.

layladomino · 29/09/2022 15:58

Eugh! No way. For a start, he hasn't said sorry or asked your forgiveness.

Why on earth would you want to be friendly with someone who sexually harrassed you, including telling you they masturbated over your photos - photos that he'd saved without your knowledge?

He showed he has no respect for you and is a disgusting lech.

Why does your boyfriend not care? Doesn't it bother him that his 'friend' kept photos of his gf and wanked over them? If that doesn't bother him he's almost as bad, and certainly noy a good bf. I can't believe he expects you to be friendly with someone who sexually harassed you. The fact he still wants to be friends with man shows him in a very very bad light himself.

HannaHanna · 29/09/2022 15:59

I wonder about intelligence of your BF if he thinks you are being dramatic. You are supposed to be just fine with someone that did all of this? This guy makes you incredibly uncomfortable. Why should you have to be friendly with him?

GoogleUser · 29/09/2022 16:00

If you've told your BF that Shayne has photos of you saved to his phone, which he uses to pleasure himself, and that he wouldn't stop touching you on that night out, even after you'd made it clear you didn't want him to, and that he followed you when you left the pub... and your BF thinks your shunning Shayne is dramatic, then your BF is not protective. A man should instantly be on your side with any man who oversteps the friendship boundaries with their GF.
You made the right decision by shunning Shayne. Your BF should be backing you on this.

RandomMusings7 · 29/09/2022 16:01

Yikes! This sounds like the intro to many of the murder documentaries I watch. Men with such proclivities are not only creepy, they are downright dangerous. I wouldn't touch him with a pole. Be smart and keep yourself safe

RandomMusings7 · 29/09/2022 16:01

Also read the book "the gift of fear"

Bearsporridge · 29/09/2022 16:13

This would make me reconsider being with my boyfriend.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 29/09/2022 16:18

Sorry if I am missing something @pumpkinsboo but I am not sure if your boyfriend knows everything that Shayne told you that night, and all of his creepy behaviour towards you?

If he does, was he just as shocked as you at Shayne's behaviour when you first told him (presumably about two years ago - if you have told him at all), but like you the passing of time has lessened both of your memories about quite how horrified you were at the time?

Palmfrond · 29/09/2022 16:27

Hell no, that’s well rapey.

Surtsey · 29/09/2022 16:32

You need to tell your boyfriend what happened and how creeped out and disgusted you were, so that he knows why you don't want to have any kind of friendship with this man any more.

There is no point in beating about the bush, just tell him.

Original poster
pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 16:39

I think a few might've misunderstood my boyfriend knows everything that happened. That's why I'm starting to question myself because he's playing it off as me being dramatic because he was just being "drunk and creepy" but I'm glad I posted as I know not to double take myself and I'm totally right in my action.

OP posts:
Facecream · 29/09/2022 16:43

And what would your boyfriend say if he does it again?
Or worse than what he’s already done?
Your bf has zero respect for you.

Naunet · 29/09/2022 16:52

Sorry, but your boyfriend is a twat. He’s minimising the creeps behaviour because he is prioritising what would be best for him.

StellaAndCrow · 29/09/2022 17:06

Has your boyfriend thought this through? Friend may have been drunk when he was telling you about wanking over your photos, but wasn't; drunk when actually doing the wanking. That's not ok.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/09/2022 17:06

Mate, blokes with a Tanglewood are ten a penny.

Get a better guitarist.

TokyoTen · 29/09/2022 17:18

Shayne sounds awful: block and avoid!
As for your bf not taking your complaints seriously I'd also dump! If he thinks there is nothing wrong with that behaviour them you need to find someone better.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 29/09/2022 17:22

pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 16:39

I think a few might've misunderstood my boyfriend knows everything that happened. That's why I'm starting to question myself because he's playing it off as me being dramatic because he was just being "drunk and creepy" but I'm glad I posted as I know not to double take myself and I'm totally right in my action.

Obviously keep away from the creepy bloke. Presumably you haven’t missed him since the creepy night? So why the need to be friendly again. His behaviour was too much and awful.

on a side note - maybe think a bit about your boyfriends values if he thinks you’re being dramatic. Clearly he’s not appreciating how it felt for you to be in that position. That would concern me.

CousinKrispy · 29/09/2022 17:35

I'm not quite clear, does your boyfriend know exactly what the creep did, or does he just have some vague notion that the two of you fell out and you've been holding some grudge against the guy?

CousinKrispy · 29/09/2022 17:36

Btw sorry it happened to you. Totally gross and inappropriate.

Carlycat · 29/09/2022 17:38

Certainly not. He used your photos without your permission to wank over. That's repulsive

Mumoblue · 29/09/2022 17:38

YANBU and your boyfriend is a bit of a knob if he’s pushing you to try and forgive this.

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