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Original poster

Would you forgive someone who totally creeped on you?

62 replies

pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 15:40

What would you do?

I'll try and cut a long story short. Me and my boyfriend used to play as an acoustic trio with a guy called Shayne who we became good friends with. Fast word after a couple of years me and my boyfriend broke up for about a year. I went on a night out with a few people and Shayne was there who has always been just a friend to me... however he went full on creep mode but I will add he was very drunk... he showed me his phone which had loads of photos of me saved on it which he told me he wanked over... and he kept trying to touch me all night as though he was trying to make it look like we were a "thing" to people so I was avoiding him all night and pretty much ignoring him. I left the pub and started walking to another thinking I'd shook him off and he came running up behind me and kept touching my waist I kept pushing him off but he kept insisting so I snapped in frustration and said I was going home. I removed him from Facebook etc and fell out with him ever since and everytime I've seen him locally I've pretty much shunned him... me and my boyfriend got back together nearly g two years ago... we're getting back out there musically and we keep running into Shayne... my boyfriend thinks it's dramatic that I've fallen out with him and "shunned" him from my life... so I'm wondering wether to reach out and just let things go? Because aside from the creepiness we all used to have a good friendship. I don't know if I don't care about what happened as much now because it was so long back so maybe I just don't remember how bad and full on it all was?

Would you forgive and form a "friendship" again? Or am I right to not associate with him anymore?

It's not that I need to forgive him because I actually don't have a grudge but idk if I should be actively okay with him? If that makes sense?

OP posts:

Carlycat · 29/09/2022 17:39

CousinKrispy · 29/09/2022 17:35

I'm not quite clear, does your boyfriend know exactly what the creep did, or does he just have some vague notion that the two of you fell out and you've been holding some grudge against the guy?

I was wondering this too. Any bf worth his salt would be appalled at this

Carlycat · 29/09/2022 17:42

pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 16:39

I think a few might've misunderstood my boyfriend knows everything that happened. That's why I'm starting to question myself because he's playing it off as me being dramatic because he was just being "drunk and creepy" but I'm glad I posted as I know not to double take myself and I'm totally right in my action.

Absolutely shocking that your bf isn't horrified at this guy's behaviour
He doesn't respect you or your boundaries

Guiltypleasures001 · 29/09/2022 17:42

The guys a creep and a sexual harasser of women, your boyfriend isn't covering himself in glory to be honest.

AsterixInEngland · 29/09/2022 17:52

pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 16:39

That’s a red flag for me - on your boyfriend

Why does he think it’s ok for any man to be a pest/touch you etc….? I doubt he would be happy if a man was behaving like this in front if him.
So why is he ok with that.

And btw, you dint have to offer anything. At a push if HE had come over to apologise etc…, I MIGHT have thought about it. But why would you the one to make the effort when he was the one to behave inappropriately?

Delilahonabike · 29/09/2022 17:52

Nope, he didn't respect your boundaries last time so why would he now if you let him back 'in'? Even more worrying is that your boyfriend doesn't respect your boundaries and is trying to convince you to lower them.

AccountDeactivated · 29/09/2022 18:02

Why on earth would you want to date a pro-predator? A man who uplifts and defends a sex offender-you fancy that? You deem him worthy of love and respect? 🤢 come on.

Geppili · 29/09/2022 18:04

He is a predator.

TedMullins · 29/09/2022 18:10

why is your boyfriend ok with Shayne’s behaviour? I’d have to dump anyone who thought any of what he did was excuseable. You’re absolutely right to block Shayne but I’d be losing the bf too

iklboo · 29/09/2022 18:18

Jesus no. Your boyfriend wants to have a word with himself as well. He's downplaying you being sexually harassed.

Trisolaris · 29/09/2022 18:22

How would your boyfriend feel if Shayne had done these things to him?

Not happy I bet

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 29/09/2022 18:30

Do not make a peace offering. Dump your boyfriend. Read the gift of fear.

firstmummy2019 · 29/09/2022 18:52

Stay well away! I'm not being dramatic but he sounds like the sort of possessive man who could turn violent.

ChaToilLeam · 29/09/2022 18:54

Shayne is a creep and you are right to shun him. Your BF is a minimising asshat and he is wrong not to take you seriously.

Endlesslaundry123 · 29/09/2022 18:57

Your boyfriend is being an absolute ass to try and convince you to forgive this guy!! He's basically saying it's ok for someone to sexually harass you! What the..??? You need to tell him off and no of course you don't need to forgive Shayne. I would keep my distance too. Ugh men just don't GET IT do they?!

category12 · 29/09/2022 18:58

I've got no time for men who minimise other men's creepy-arse behaviour and expect women to overlook it to smooth things over socially.

Take a proper look at your bf's attitude to women.

OldFan · 29/09/2022 18:59

I think I remember a post about this IDK.

Either way, HELL TO THE NO @pumpkinsboo . He is potentially rapey and can't be trusted, as well as being gross. Block him on everything and never be alone with him.

Marineboy67 · 29/09/2022 19:01

As soon as you tell your boyfriend Wanker Wayne's been busy cracking a few off over his phone library of you, he'll get the picture and the general idea. Keep that dirty bastard out your of your life.

Derbee · 29/09/2022 19:02

pumpkinsboo · 29/09/2022 16:39

If your boyfriend knows everything that went on, and still wants you to all hang out, I’d reassess my relationship if I were you.

It’s creepy to wank over photos of friends. It’s creepy to tell them. It’s creepy to get drunk and keep touching them.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 29/09/2022 19:26

Your boyfriend knows? Wow, I couldn't stay with a man who had no issue with a man that behaved that way towards me. It's an indicator of the type of person he is.

Cut both of these assholes out of your life.

Planesmistakenforstars · 29/09/2022 20:46

The bigger problem is that your boyfriend thinks sexual harassment is no big deal and is trying to dismiss it by calling you "dramatic." Funny how only women get accused of that, and always as a way to shut them down.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 30/09/2022 10:37

Ok @pumpkinsboo, after your update I am finding it very hard to understand why your boyfriend is still your boyfriend? I have very low self-esteem, but I wouldn't let my partner get away with trying to make me feel even less important than I already do.

If this situation is real OP you either need to have a very in-depth discussion with your boyfriend where he realises the error of his ways, sincerely apologises to you, and tells his "ex" friend exactly how disgusting his behaviour was, or you need to get both of them out of your life. I wish you well.

AccountDeactivated · 30/09/2022 11:03

-or, not have a ‘very in depth’ conversation with the shitty boyfriend, and simply dump him and enjoy life.

billy1966 · 30/09/2022 11:15

layladomino · 29/09/2022 15:58

Eugh! No way. For a start, he hasn't said sorry or asked your forgiveness.

Why on earth would you want to be friendly with someone who sexually harrassed you, including telling you they masturbated over your photos - photos that he'd saved without your knowledge?

He showed he has no respect for you and is a disgusting lech.

Why does your boyfriend not care? Doesn't it bother him that his 'friend' kept photos of his gf and wanked over them? If that doesn't bother him he's almost as bad, and certainly noy a good bf. I can't believe he expects you to be friendly with someone who sexually harassed you. The fact he still wants to be friends with man shows him in a very very bad light himself.

This.

Shane is a real creep and your boyfriend is not much better.

Any decent fellow would be disgusted at his behaviour.

He was really harassing you that evening.

OP, your action was spot on but I think you should have another look at the creep you are with.

Your boyfriend sounds as bad if he thinks you should be friendly with someone like that.

He clearly can't think deeply for you and doesn't have any loyalty if he can be ok with his friend harassing you like that.

billy1966 · 30/09/2022 11:20

Your boyfriend calling you "dramatic" for having boundaries is a HUGE red flag.

He is dismissive of your feelings and clearly believes men have a right to harrass women and women should accept it or be accused of being "dramatic"....AKA being called names for having standards.

Shane and your boyfriend are friends for a reason, they are both rapey creeps and think mauling women when drunk is acceptable.

Dump him.

Pinkbonbon · 30/09/2022 11:24

What the heck have I just read. A man sexually harassed you on a night out and your bf tells you you are 'overreacting' to not want him anywhere near you again!?

Your boyfriend is a prick. The only mistake you've made is letting a 'man' like him back in your life. Anyone who tries to tell you your healthy boundaries are not ok, is not OK. And does not spell good things for you in future.

Stay away from creepy ex friend and consider chucking shitty bf too.

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