Would you forgive someone who totally creeped on you?

[pumpkinsboo]

What would you do?

I'll try and cut a long story short. Me and my boyfriend used to play as an acoustic trio with a guy called Shayne who we became good friends with. Fast word after a couple of years me and my boyfriend broke up for about a year. I went on a night out with a few people and Shayne was there who has always been just a friend to me... however he went full on creep mode but I will add he was very drunk... he showed me his phone which had loads of photos of me saved on it which he told me he wanked over... and he kept trying to touch me all night as though he was trying to make it look like we were a "thing" to people so I was avoiding him all night and pretty much ignoring him. I left the pub and started walking to another thinking I'd shook him off and he came running up behind me and kept touching my waist I kept pushing him off but he kept insisting so I snapped in frustration and said I was going home. I removed him from Facebook etc and fell out with him ever since and everytime I've seen him locally I've pretty much shunned him... me and my boyfriend got back together nearly g two years ago... we're getting back out there musically and we keep running into Shayne... my boyfriend thinks it's dramatic that I've fallen out with him and "shunned" him from my life... so I'm wondering wether to reach out and just let things go? Because aside from the creepiness we all used to have a good friendship. I don't know if I don't care about what happened as much now because it was so long back so maybe I just don't remember how bad and full on it all was?

Would you forgive and form a "friendship" again? Or am I right to not associate with him anymore?

It's not that I need to forgive him because I actually don't have a grudge but idk if I should be actively okay with him? If that makes sense?

No way should you reach out to this man. And if your boyfriend knows all the details and thinks you’re overreacting then he has a disgusting attitude to women and you need to reconsider this relationship.

Also, just a thought but I'm betting when creepy shayne ran up after you that night your stomach lurched in fear. You knew that instant that that man was dangerous. Not only did he harass you in the club, he followed you out afterwords! Bloody scary tbh.

Your bf 'not understanding' is bs. Anyone understands how creepy that is. But he either values his friendship with this creep more than you or, he too doesn't like women very much and thinks its empowering/funny or at best ok, to tell them their boundaries are over dramatic or unfair or crazy ot oversensitive or some other shit.

Like Think about it op, why else would anyone try and encourage you to forgive someone who letched on you? It's really fucked up. That's not a friend to you (neither of them are).

I would never want or expect a partner to go "protective cave man" as if I'm some sort of extension of his pride, but this is light years too far the other way. Shayne behaved abominably. Clearly your partner thinks it was OK and maintaining a friendly relationship with him is more important than your wellbeing and comfort.

Partner has not got your back OP, at all.

I wouldn't be friends with a bloke who thought that he could woo me by telling me he wanked over my pics. I mean, what was he thinking?!

Also, my husband wouldn't be impressed if he knew those things and certainly wouldn't be encouraging me to be friends with this guy again. Does your boyfriend know? If so, he is not a great guy imo.

No way would I forgive creepy Shayne and your BF sounds like a prince 🙄dump him!

This. A million percent.

How on earth can your BF think you are being 'dramatic' if he knows all the details.

Neither of these men are decent or even safe. I'd be steering well clear of both of them.

Any man I know who was told that by his GF would be making it very very very clear to his so called mate to fuck the hell off. And stay there.

Your boyfriend doesn't get to decide what is or is not comfortable for you.

I would dump him over his pressure to get past Shayne's disturbing, rapey behaviour.

Neither of these man seems to understand that women are not objects, and that you are entitled to shun anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if some drunk man kept touching him and followed him out of a pub and down a dark street.

Better still, find someone who understands you are a real human being.

Shayne is a cunt who sexually harasses woman.

Your boyfriend is a cunt who thinks women are making a fuss if they don't want to be sexual harassed.

You can't possibly want to stay in a relationship with your boyfriend if he has made his feelings on this so clear?

I would have ended the relationship over his attitude to this.

Yanbu. That’s more than being ‘creepy’ that’s sexual harassment that continued after you made it clear you objected, and the wanking photos of you is borderline obsession/stalkerish.

It’s disappointing your boyfriend isn’t more protective. He should be telling this weirdo to get lost, not asking you to have Shayne back in your life.

This isn’t even about you ‘forgiving’ it’s about whether you have a choice over having someone in your life who’s sexually harassed you, or whether it’s up to your boyfriend and Shayne to decide whether and how often you have to meet Shayne. This is about whether you have agency in your life or men deciding things for you.

I’d make it very, very, clear to your boyfriend that he can have you in his life, or Shayne, but not both.

No. Tell your boyfriend why you will be keeping your distance.

Like most women you’ve just been socialised to think you have to be nice to everyone or you’re a nasty person. You aren’t, he’s a creep.

Shayne is being creepy, I don't blame you if you want to avoid him!